Dating and starting new Relationships in today’s world is often frustrating and confusing.
when you add in relationship mind games, dating can seem impossible.
But if they are so bad, why do people play Then anyway?
In this video, im going to explain the most common reasons people play relationship mind
games.
caution...
mind games are not all created equally...
they aren’t always about control and manipulation.
So don’t go anywhere.
hi everyone..
I’m dr Antonio Borrello, and I’m a psychologist and relationship coach.
This channel is all about building great relationships so you can grow happy with the people you
love.
So, if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start
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anything.
Ok.
So on to mind games.
When I refer to mind games, I'm talking about calculated behaviors that one or both partners
use to manipulate, intimidate, influence, or undermine their partners behaviors.
Mind games are often rewarding to one party and harmful to the other, creating exhausting
and messy dynamics in every kind of relationship.
And Sometimes we are so deeply ingrained in the cat-and-mouse games that we aren’t even
aware of what is happening.
So why do people engage in mind games?
Well, they obviously get something out of it.... including gaining security, gaining
control or gaining self-esteem and self-justification.
Most of the time, Mind games are used by controlling or abusive people who aim to break down and
control their partner.
But Other times mind games aren’t initiated
with such malicious intent.
Sometimes they are used by insecure partners who test your feelings, test your reactions
because they want to feel better about the relationship
Again these are manipulative behaviors, but the perpetrators might not even realize that
they are engaging in psychological manipulation.
For example, imagine Someone you are dating encouraging you to do one thing and then getting
angry when you take them up on the offer.
Like they suggest you go hang out with your friends... and when you do, they become upset
because you chose to hang out with friends instead of them.
Why did they suggest you go?
Because they wanted you to demonstrate you’d rather be with them.
So here, the Mind game was motivated by insecurity, right?
Here’s another example if someone is upset, they might not directly tell you or explain
why, instead, they are hoping you will be sensitive enough to figure it out yourself.
Or they are hoping you are a mind reader.
Same thing.
Lol
While covertly manipulating your partner is never ok, the motivation and intention behind
the manipulation isn’t the same malicious intent of someone who engages in mind Games
bc they want to completely control you.
So it’s important to recognize the reasons behind the Mind games... one is completely
intentional behavior seeking to control, the other is motivated by insecurity and a desire
to feel better about some aspect of the relationship.
Reason #1 To Manipulate Some people use mind games to selfishly manipulate
others so they can get what they want to meet their own unmet needs.
This may include: * sex
* always having someone by their side * having someone adore them
* a need to control someone * hoping another person will heal their deepest
hurts * boosting their self-image because they have
someone to show off to others * having someone to listen to them
So call their bluff It’s very important for the person who’s
playing mind games with you to know that you know the game is being played.
You may want to confront them directly, and ask what exactly their motives are in your
relationship.
This will do one of two things: it will either challenge them to stop the games with you
and move on to someone else, or they’ll quit not only messing with your head, but
also with your heart.
You don’t need to waste time with mind players
Reason #2 it’s a game that they like.
They Like the Challenge
Some people just want to see if they can get you.
To them, it is more like a game or a challenge.
It makes them feel better about themselves.
Obviously, this All of this comes from a low self-esteem and an unawareness of how they
hurt others.
Still others are in a frantic state of mind, wanting that thrill of knowing at least one
person cares about them.
It’s like a high.
But they soon get bored once they think the person they have been pursuing actually likes
them.
Then they are on to the next conquest.
The hunt is on for the next rush.
Confront and Move On Either confront them and move on, or simply
move on.
You have a choice in this.
You can choose to confront this guy and ask him what he’s really feeling (be prepared
for him to become angry and defensive because no one likes being found out — remember,
he may not fully understand why he’s doing what he’s doing either!).
Or you can take his indifference as a clue that he’s not truly interested in you, and
move on.
You don’t have to be a victim of another person’s lack of consideration for others.
I have one more reason for mind games…
Reason #3 They want to feel better about some aspect of the relationship.
They want to know how much you care.
Other times people play with your mind in an attempt to find out how you feel about
them.
It takes so much courage to be vulnerable enough to share our deepest needs of wanting
to love and be loved.
What if you tell someone you really care for them and you are rejected in some way.
In this case, having a heart to heart with your partner may help him to fully understand
the behavior and why it’s happening.
Look seeing any of these things once, doesn’t mean you should run for the hills.
But remember Mind games are dangerous because they can Lead to Unhealthy or toxic Relationships,
on the mild end and emotional abuse and control on the extreme end.
If you start a relationship with something toxic, the relationship will be toxic.
It sets a poor precedent for being together and can only lead to worse situations.
If playing a game works and you enter into a relationship, both you and your partner
will think acting this way works.
The farther into a toxic relationship like this, the more miserable both of you will
be.
You’ll play games to get your way, push your partner to “prove their love,” and
other unhealthy practices.
Not only will you have to break away from this relationship, but it will make getting
into a new, healthy, relationship more difficult.
As I’ve said before, games playing and Manipulative behavior is a HUGE red flag.
New relationships should be exciting, passionate, and easy.
Not anxiety provoking and frustrating.
If it starts out difficult, what makes you think it’s going to be easier or better
later.
The beginning should be the best, right?
Ya know... the honeymoon phase.
Don’t settle for anything less.
\ Remember, if you’re busy waiting, wondering, and worrying about this relationship, you
just might miss the opportunity to meet the right one.
I’d love to hear your examples of mind games that you’ve experienced and how you’ve
handled them.
Leave a comment and let’s start a discussion.
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thanks for watching I’ll see you in the next video