Woooooooooah!
*He's gonna take you back to the past*
*To play the shitty games that suck ass*
*He'd rather have*
*A buffaloo*
*Take a diarrhea dump in his ear*
*He'd rather eat*
*The rotten asshole*
*Of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer*
*He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard*
*He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd*
*He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd*
*He's The Angry Video Game Nerd!*
*Wayne's World! Wayne's World! It's party time! Excellent!*
What can you say about Wayne's World?
It's one of the movies that defined the early 90s.
It makes fun of all the clichés that were going on at the time
And it only gets funnier every time you watch it.
Now of course, there had to be video games.
This is Wayne's World on the NES.
It's hard to imagine what kind of material there is to work with.
The movie's about two guys who run a show from their basement
And then a sponsor comes, tries to steal the show
And the rest is just a bunch of jokes.
So how do you take that, and make it into a game?
Let's find out.
Okay, there it is! That's how you make a Wayne's World game! Just have Garth running around with a laser gun shooting stuff!
That's real creative.
NOT!
Look at this madness. Walking drums, floating hi-hats.
Get it? Because Garth plays drums?
He goes into Drum World.
What kind of idea is that?
The graphics make me want to hurl.
It's as bland as a kindergarten coloring book.
Orange walls, purple floors. Garth is almost completely white like they didn't have time to color him in.
This looks terrible!
It certainly does suck!
The music, I shit you not, is just a two-second loop being repeated, over and over.
It's giving me a headache.
The layout is a joke.
Even in the most linear side scrollers, you still have to figure out which is the best way to maneuver.
Like, should I go up on this platform, or should I go underneath?
But here, you can just stay on the ground and keep walking right.
There's zero strategy involved.
You know I know nothing about video games and I found what you just said riveting.
The next level you're Wayne. But this is where the game gets incredibly difficult because Wayne can't do anything.
Other than this awkward kick.
Of course Wayne is well-known for his martial arts.
*Oooooaaaaah!*
You can't kill anything unless it's right next to you.
Most of the time, you get killed first.
And then you go back to the Garth stage.
That's it. You die once, you start over.
We'll try harder okay? Just give a second chance.
There's a bonus stage at a donut shop.
But it looks more like an eyeball factory.
You're just going around collecting donuts.
But I can never figure out how to get the donuts in the middle.
And whenever you jump down, you hurt yourself.
Everything just sucks.
I like how in one of the cutscenes, well I use the term "cutscene" very loosely,
but anyway, they're talking about going to the bands playing at the GasWorks.
And they mention "The Lousy Beatles."
In the movie, it was "The Shitty Beatles."
It's a shame they can't use the word "shitty" in a Nintendo game because shitty is the best word to describe this whole thing.
The enemies are the most cliché you could possibly think of.
When would Wayne and Garth ever be fighting spiders and ninjas?
Who cares, right? As long as the game says "Wayne's World" kids will want it.
Kids know Dick.
There was clearly no thought process going on behind this miserable mess.
Just make a game based on a popular movie and shit it into the stores.
It's like people only do things because they get paid.
And that's just really sad.
Talk about some 8-bit frustration right here.
I hate this kick!
You have to time it perfectly.
Mmmmm, God!
What are these things anyway? Just floating TV screens?
Not floating TVs but floating TV screens.
Uuuugh! Geez!
Wayne is just completely worthless!
I'm just gonna stay here and lick the cat's butt.
Oh look what's gonna happen. I'm just gonna jump over there and the spider's gonna kill me.
WAAAAAAAAH!
The hell with this game!
I can't say I expect it to be good, but THIS is just a maximum catastrophe of ass!
Take it away Garth.
You're not gonna believe this, but there's another one.
On the Super Nintendo.
I was not aware of that!
The only difference is that we're going from 8-bit vomit to 16-bit vomit.
One is just as bad as the other, but without the original gag reflex one gets from eating dog shit that's been blended with goat piss.
Ah yes. It's a lot like Star Trek: The Next Generation.
In many ways it's superior, but will never be as recognized as the original.
It starts with Wayne and Garth doing a top ten list of worst video games.
The irony is stunning.
In this game, Wayne is trying to rescue Garth.
Which is already a disappointment, not to be able to play as both of them.
That's like Bill and Ted with just Bill
Or Beavis and Butthead with just Beavis.
Wayne looks like a bobblehead.
Your weapon is a guitar that shoots sonic booms.
And the environment is once again constructed from different pieces of musical equipment.
Instruments of all kinds, even bagpipes and amps that shoot lightning.
You'd think by now they could've come up with a more original idea.
Yah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.
The voices are redundant.
Every time Wayne gets an item, he says "Excellent!"
"Excellent!"
And every time he gets hit, he says "Not!"
"NOT!"
That doesn't make any sense! What is he saying "not" to?
Usually the word "not" follows a sarcastic statement. It's like explaining it to Borat.
This a-suit, is NOT black!
No no, "not" has to be the end.
Oh okay. Okay.
This suit is black not.
But whether or not these voices are used in the right context,
it gets incredibly aggravating to have to hear the same thing over and over again.
"Excellent!"
"NOT!"
Maybe it would've been cute to hear it one time,
but who thought it was a good idea to program it like this? Are they mental??
Get the net!
The controls are awful.
You can't shoot while ducking
You can accidentally jump up to a higher platform.
And when you try to land on things, you have to be at the right angle, or else you fall through.
After a little bit of time, you start to get used to it, as if your brain begins to flick the shit switch and adapt to its bad controls.
It's like a new pair of underwear. You know?
At first it's constrictive,
but after a while, it becomes a part of you.
But even after I've overcome the crappy learning curve, still I can't pass the first level.
"NOT WORTHY! NOT WORTHY!"
Talk about non-linear.
This level is a maze! I can't even figure out where I'm supposed to go, let alone survive!
WE'RE NOT WORTHY!
Well, I can't beat the first level! So I'm done with this game!
Well, there is a code.
I did not realize that. Russel, did you realize that?
No, I did not realize that.
So we might as well put in the code and take a peek at the rest of the game.
Game on!
Ya, game on!
The second stage is at the diner.
Apparently, either Wayne got shrunk down in size, or everything is giant.
This doesn't have anything to do with Wayne's World. Did they think they were making a game of Honey I Shrunk the Kids?
And everything's alive. Coffee cups, donut men, what's going on here?
Hey Mr. Donut-Head Man, who's trying to kill you?
I don't know but they'd better not.
OOOOH, that's not good! I'm not happy! OOOH NOOO!
And could you guess the boss of this level?
Would you expect anything different than a giant donut?
*laughs*
Yeah
The music in this stage is real familiar.
Is this supposed to be "Foxy Lady?"
It sounds kind of like it. Maybe they couldn't get the rights.
Denied!
It also has the all-time worst butchering of "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Stage three is the GasWorks.
Remember Wayne's annoying ex-girlfriend?
Well she makes an appearance in this game. Several.
"Hi Wayne!"
What did she find a way to clone herself?
What kind of bar is this?
What kind of bar would put their arcade machines up on ledges where no normal person could reach?
What bar would have fire shooting out of the floor?
The main enemies you face are laser-shooting disco balls.
That's original.
My favorite are the darts.
It's like people are throwing darts and you're getting in the way.
You wouldn't believe the boss.
Seriously, take a guess who the boss is.
A giant disco ball? No. A giant pinball machine? No. Some generic bar guy? No.
The answer:
is Elvis.
"Mmm jelly donuts. Mmm jelly donuts. Mmm jelly donuts."
Elvis is in a Wayne's World game!!
"Thank you very much."
Isn't that weird?
Yah, that's weird man. That's weird.
Could it be anymore out of place?
Doesn't Wayne's World exist in the 90s?
What is Elvis doing there?
Does he have to talk so damn much?
"Thank you very much."
The last level is a neighborhood that's been sucked into purgatory.
I guess, I'm just making that up.
It's a bunch of homes floating in the clouds.
How else would you describe it?
The layout still finds ways to throw you off.
What's blocking me?
A pole that's in the foreground?
Shouldn't I be able to walk behind it?
I'm being shit on. That's all, shit on.
There's a deranged hockey player who doesn't even look like a human being.
But what is a human being according to this game? Someone with a bobblehead?
Or someone who looks like some kind of cartoon monster?
The last boss of the game, are you ready for this?
A gelatinous cube that swallowed Garth.
Now this is funny because as random as it is, this cube was actually mentioned in the movie.
As an arcade game at Noah's Arcade.
But I never thought in a million years I would see the gelatinous cube in a real-life game.
The ending is just another cutscene with Wayne and Garth.
It's the same sort of thing you see between the levels, though it's nothing special.
This game is only slightly better than the NES version.
But both of them make you wonder:
What were they thinking?
You know what I'd like to do?
Ya I know what you'd like to do.
You'd like to find the guy that did it.
Rip his still-beating heart out of chest and hold it in front of his face.
So he can see how black it is before he dies.
Actually,
I think I'm gonna hurl!