[SCREAMS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
I know, we should do that back to them when they see it.
Yeah.
So we should scream right back to them.
Did you all just win $25,000 or is it--
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
No, they haven't vandalized anything yet.
It's-- now I'm encouraging that.
People are going to go all over the place and put posters up.
Oh, hang on.
I screamed and I popped my pants.
[LAUGHTER]
Sorry.
There we go.
Wow.
Yeah.
So you screamed from your core.
Yes.
That's--
I'm a-- yes.
It's all those years on stage.
So it should--
Yes.
[INAUDIBLE] that it's from--
You meant to scream from here.
No, you're not supposed to scream from there.
No, exactly.
That's why I popped my pants.
I think that's-- you could--
this is one of those rip away where you're--
No, don't.
No, it is.
Don't.
Like, you can rip away and be like--
No, but see, you make a suggestion like that
and I will do it.
So it's a terrible thing.
Really?
Yeah.
You put it-- you put that in my brain, and--
But not for me.
You'll do it for like, your husband or something.
For $25,000 I'd do it.
Yes.
Oh, really?
[LAUGHTER]
Let's get a check out here for Cate.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, I just felt my pants again.
Yeah, sorry.
There we go.
Just leave it, we--
It's just-- I can't laugh.
We can't see it.
It's OK.
I know, but-- Oh, I did it again.
Sorry.
[LAUGHTER]
But we can't see it.
It's all right.
These [INAUDIBLE] a lot.
It's leisure wear.
It [INAUDIBLE] a lot.
Yeah.
Just take them off.
I mean, really.
Just--
I'll do it.
I am going to change the subject.
I know you will.
What have you done this summer?
I want to hear all about it.
Did you travel?
Did you--
I did not get into a bikini.
No?
I went to Australia.
You did?
Yes.
My country of birth.
Yes, where did you go?
Where?
To Australia.
Uh-huh.
It's a large continent.
It is.
I went to Sydney and to Melbourne.
Yes.
And then down on the river outside Sydney.
On the river?
Yes.
On a river boat?
Yeah, uh, yes.
Or did you swim?
Did you swim in the river?
No, because there's bullnose sharks in the river.
But I only found that after we'd gone
swimming in the river with all of my kids for about two weeks.
And then they said, oh, you better not
swim there, because there's bullnose sharks.
We didn't get eaten obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Yeah.
But, yes.
Because that would be a bad end to this story.
It would be.
But you know, there's all kinds of dangerous things there.
Yes.
Everything dangerous lives in Australia.
Yeah.
And yet, you let them swim in the river.
Yes.
Well I didn't-- well, no, I didn't realize there'd be
sharks.
I knew there were mud crabs.
But you know, they're usually on the bottom.
Mud crabs are those big giant things that--
That can take your arm off.
If you have a little arm, like a little three-year-old arm.
[LAUGHTER]
How old is your--
Three-year-old.
Yeah.
She's three.
She's three, isn't she?
She's delicious, yes.
Yeah.
It can take your arm off?
Yes.
Like the-- that's what we did, actually.
If you're interested-- are you genuinely interested?
Because I could go on.
Yes.
I'm genuinely interested.
We went hunting for truffles.
Uh-huh, oh, yes, pigs?
You use-- with my-- no.
This is the thing, if you go hunting for truffles,
do not use pigs, because they will take your fingers off.
Because the pig actually wants the truffle.
Yes.
Whereas if you go with a dog, dogs hate truffles.
They want the treat.
I see.
So if you're going truffle hunting-- all of you, I'm sure,
every single person in the audience--
[LAUGHTER]
--has been or wants to go hunting for truffles.
Right.
But that's what I did in my summer in Australia.
A lot of people are doing that now.
Is it fun?
It is.
It's incredible.
They're so pungent.
If you put a truffle into a sealed jar with eggs
and left it overnight, it infuses the shell,
and you have truffle scrambled eggs the next morning.
If you like truffles.
Or you stick half a knob into a bottle of vodka.
And then that's--
What's a knob?
Also-- a knob.
What's a knob?
A knob is a-- well, it's a slang term for an idiot.
[LAUGHTER]
Or-- can you say--
can you say this on television?
Can you say that on television?
Why would you put that in a-- what?
What are you--
No, a knob.
A knob.
Like a knob of butter.
Don't you use that in cooking?
Why did you just curse in my ear if you just--
[LAUGHTER]
That's not what you meant, and you just
decided to curse in my ear.
[LAUGHTER]
I can call you a knob.
You should hear what she just said to me.
It's got nothing to do with this entire story.
[LAUGHTER]
But you can say what you-- so you can say what I said--
[LAUGHTER]
I will not.
All right.
A knob, like a knob of butter, like a knob.
No.
What is a knob?
A knob.
Like a tablespoon?
Yeah, but except--
Say that.
If you-- truffles, do you know what a truffle looks like?
It kind of looks like a hard dog turd.
So it's got little knobs on it.
That's what tastes like--
That's what you shouldn't say--
OK, you can cut that bit.
--is hardened dog turd.
Or poop, like a--
but anyway.
It's a kind of a--
like a knob.
They've seen--
I don't know what you--
They've seen truffles.
You know what truffles look like, right?
And then they shave them at your table.
And they're very expensive.
That to me is the only thing that
would be worth it, is if you find them.
But you probably have to pay to go look for truffles,
so it balances out.
Yes, at first I thought-- we found lots.
And I thought, wow, this woman's really generous.
She's letting us keep everything.
But no, we didn't get to keep anything.
It was all about finding them.
And then they take them away from you.
Well, and then--
Yeah.
And you had to pay her in addition?
Yes.
But we learned a lot about fungi and truffles.
And you get a knob, which is a bit of it,
and you stick it in the vodka, and that is incredible.
Truffle vodka?
Yeah.
Like infused vodka?
Yeah.
Really good.
If you like truffles, again.
Yeah, and vodka.
Yeah.
Well, who doesn't like vodka?
I don't know.
No--
Show of hands?
Nobody.
Nobody doesn't--
These people--
People don't like vodka?
You've got seven people in the audience who don't like vodka.
Really?
And they're all doing this, because they
don't want to admit it.
[LAUGHTER]