(man) All right, I'm ready when you are.
(man) Go, go, go!
[RC car whirring]
Ooh.
Ooh, you all right?
Gentry.
- Are you okay? - Dude, my legs.
- Dude, your legs are fine. - No, they [bleep] hurt.
(man) I know they hurt, but they're straight.
Please check the left leg.
Dude, I'm telling you.
Your left--I know it hurts, but it's fine.
Oh, it hurts really bad.
I know, but if it was broke, you would know.
Oh, [bleep], it's gashed.
It's gashed.
You're fine. It's gashed, though.
Put your pants back down.
It's not bleeding; it's just gashed.
That's pretty rough, man.
I can see your tendon move.
You're fine, man.
Turns out he wasn't fine.
Thousands of people get hit by cars every day,
but it takes a special kind of idiot
to hit himself with one.
That's Gentry,
and like most children half his age,
he loves RC cars.
The minute you're old enough to drive a real car,
you should be donating all that crap to Toys for Tots.
RC cars were invented
so fathers could buy back the love of their sons
after a messy divorce.
As long as you've got a massive stockpile of D batteries
and no shag carpet,
it can be minutes of fun.
It's basically
who want to stand outside while they get no exercise.
And that controller also seals up
every cooch within a half-mile range.
Why do they all have to look like sports cars?
You're telling me there are no kids out there
who just want to buy a reliable RC Toyota Camry
that will get their action figures from point A to point B?
But who am I to tell anyone to stop being childish?
Gentry's fine.
He's fine. He's fine.
That's why I flew him to Hollywood,
where every guy driving an exotic car
is compensating for his 1/10th scale weenie
in this week's Web Redemption.
[ambient electronic flourish]
[dramatic dubstep music]
♪ ♪
[suspenseful music]
I live my life 1/100 of a mile at a time.
Why'd you bring me here, Daniel?
I have one more job.
I can't help you.
You know I'm done racing toys.
You don't turn your back on family.
We're not family.
[clattering]
That's exactly what family would say, brother.
♪ ♪
Tell me what happened that day.
Me and my friends were out testing my speed car.
I hit the gas at the wrong point,
and the car just spun right around,
and before I knew it,
I was upside-down and on my ass and knocked out.
[RC car whirring]
(man) Ooh. You all right?
Did you ever think of steering the car away from you?
They come at you quite fast.
Basically, it's like dodging bullets at this point.
It would've been great if it would've flipped you
all the way back to your feet.
I did make a awesome scorpion, though.
How fast was that car going when it hit you?
94.
And that's legal to race something around like that.
Yeah.
First of all, your friend was dead wrong.
You were not fine.
- Dude, your legs are fine. - No, they [bleep] hurt.
Yeah, I was not fine.
I got the indent on my leg.
That's never gonna look good.
No.
Over here, a part went into my leg.
There was a puncture wound.
And I got sewn up and stapled.
Did he ever apologize?
"Hey, I'm sorry. I misdiagnosed you."
- No. - Is he a paramedic?
- No. - Then shut up.
Are you still friends with him to this day?
Yeah, he's here with me.
You brought him to my garage?
You kept telling Gentry he was fine.
I thought he was fine.
You wanted him to die, didn't you, you sack of [bleep]?
No, I didn't.
How long were you off your feet?
I missed my first full week of work at my new job.
And what did they say when you said,
"The reason I have to take off
is because I ran an RC car into my leg"?
They laughed.
They said, "We hired the right guy"?
- Did you post the video? - Yeah.
Were you happy when people started watching it?
People on YouTube are the meanest people on the planet.
Sure, sexist, racist.
Bunch of horrible people on YouTube.
Ah, I love 'em.
Love 'em all, like they're my own.
What happens if your car gets out of range?
It stops.
How far can they go before they get out of range?
1,100 to 1,200 feet.
I have no idea how far that is.
Farther than you can see.
That's not true; I see the moon at night.
Farther than you can see something this big.
You win that round.
Do you know what the world record speed is for an RC car?
Yeah, it's 202.
- Are you trying to beat that? - No.
That guy has thousands upon thousands of dollars.
And zero girlfriends.
Probably.
How fast did your first RC car go,
and how slow did your virginity go after that?
Oh. That's not nice.
Did you get into RC cars for all the pussy?
Have you ever met a girl that plays with RC cars?
What does your girlfriend--
I'm sorry--your mom think about the fact
that you're still playing with RC cars?
Do girls like it that you play with RC cars?
It's better than doing drugs, I guess.
Not for girls.
Girls love drugs.
So...one last ride.
You in?
I told you I'm out.
Maybe this'll change your mind.
What's this?
They took your girlfriend.
Look at that body.
You're a lucky man.
Here's the deal.
There's a huge battery shipment going to RadioShack,
and we're gonna hijack that truck.
Sounds dangerous.
With my RC car and your thumbs
and your mom's permission,
the only thing that can stop us
is our car's 15-minute battery life.
Fine, but this is it.
I almost died last time.
Welcome back.
Let's get to work.
But first, family barbecue.
It's 8:00 a.m., and stop saying we're family.
When you're here, you're family.
Let's go for a little ride.
This should be good for a 10-mile range.
If everything goes exactly as planned,
as these things always do,
that truck should be arriving any second.
Oh, [bleep]. We got cops, cops, cops!
[dramatic music]
[tires squealing]
[RC car whirring]
[siren wailing]
♪ ♪
[engine revving]
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
♪ ♪
Err...
♪ ♪
[tires screeching]
[racing cymbal music]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic rock music]
♪ ♪
Oh, [bleep].
[siren wailing and tires screeching]
Get out of the car.
[RC car whirs]
Oh.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Suck it, pig.
♪ ♪
Whoo!
♪ ♪
Family.
[RC car whirring]
[heartbeat pounding]
Whoa!
[distorted dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[explosion booming in slow motion]
[explosion booms]
You're fine, man. You're fine.
You're on fire, I know, but you're fine.
[screaming]
[somber piano music]
♪ ♪
I lost my family.
♪ ♪
[RC car whirring]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[applause]
If you liked that redemption, good news,
there will be nine sequels.