Neither is the man without the woman or the woman without the man but dating is
a messy, dangerous, scary, terrible, horrible, fun, no good, very bad day thing.
Our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has counseled against
dating before you're 16. Why though? What if you like somebody? Well I think if you
like someone but you're 14-- at least I know when I was 14, I had a huge crush on
Victoria and she noticed me and then she invited me a Brooke Knights birthday
party and I was like "Oh my gosh, I got invited Brooke Knight's birthday party!" I was
like one of the cool kids and guess what? I didn't know what I was doing. I did
nothing about it. I was actually so nervous to even like
touch her hand at one point. I remember when I had the opportunity I was like shaking
I was like, "Ah Victoria!" I didn't know what I was doing, right? So imagine like
putting like kissing and like romantic emotions involved when I am totally not
developed and have no idea what's going on, that may not be the most mentally
healthy thing for me later on in life. Kwaku is convert so fortunately
or unfortunately-- yes, when I was dating 14 year olds-- when I was 14
dating 14 year olds, I was not Mormon. Justin you were raised in the Church, right? So I
raised in the church and I grew up in a small farm town where
there's very few members, you know, so for me and so majority of people-- and I
remember getting asked all the time... I don't know, and just like the little games
like kids play, you know, where it's like "Hey, like can I give you a kiss?" Like this
little girl came up to me like "Can I give you a kiss?" and I'd be like "No way! I
don't date til I'm 16." And they'd be like "Why?" and I'd be like "My church has
counseled that..." and I just give this whole spill and they'd be like, "What?"
I was just so determined because the prophets have counseled us not to really
go on any serious dates before we're 16 because at that point we're not really
ready for any like romantic relationships, we're not mature enough yet. I mean you could be
but it's just safer, you know? What does the strength for youth pamphlet actually say?
Let's read exactly what the prophets have counseled. And I quote, "You
should not date until you are at least sixteen years old." There you go.
So a lot of people look at that phrase in the strength of youth pamphlet and
they say, "Wow. A bunch of old white guys gave us this this rule that we have to
keep, they're out of touch." I got that all the time growing up but we are
three young, two-thirds white guys and we're saying that this is good advice.
We're not all that much older than sixteen. I'm a decade older. We're pretty hip.
The point is that when you grow up, your body starts changing and
chemicals and hormones start coursing through your veins like ticking
time bombs-- you're a ticking time bomb for mistakes. For mistake that that you will
regret for your life. What it comes down to is there's a line, it's the line of chastity
and this counsel from the prophets keeps us far away from that line and it's good
advice and your parents are right when they tell you to follow this advice.
Listen to them. Oh gosh, I'm old. Here's a question though:
What is the definition of a date? Because you can say, "Don't go in dates
until you're 16" but there could be 15 year-olds like, "Alright, I'm just gonna go hang
out with her or go hang out with him" so what's the difference between a date and
like how do we know how do you differentiate because you can have friends,
you should have friends of the opposite sex before you're 16, you
don't want to-- that'd be weird if you didn't, you know, so-- Can I just read this? I'm gonna
continue because they word it so well, "When
you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples. Avoid going on
frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too
early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps
lead to immorality. Invite your parents to become acquainted with those you date."
See, I do the same thing, I don't go in too many dates with one girl, you know?
You got to mix it up, you gotta jump around a bit-- Woah, you're missing-- okay
let me get--- "As you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high
priority. Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you
for time and all eternity." Something was distracting me, I
couldn't hear. So adult years are a little different because you're looking for an
eternal companion. Teenage years though, it's meeting as many people as you can
to learn about yourself, learn about them, what you're looking for. It's true, you know, but
men, we mature you know not as fast. So really we're still teenagers by maturity.
No, but that's the thing, what is the definition of a date because you can
hang out if you have a crush on someone, we're not saying you can't, you know, be
around that person to have a crush on so I don't actually know. I'm gonna be
honest, I don't know where that line is. That's something that you
can get trapped in your in your schooling days youngins.
Hello fellow children!
For instance, for me I really liked a girl and of course I would hang out with
her because I really liked her. I was past the age of 16 and so we did go on
some dates but I still didn't want to have like an actual relationship but
it became one of those like quasi relationships where you're both like, no
one said anything and so... It's important to like-- it's funny how much
that doesn't change when you turn 21. Well see, that's the thing is we
don't know how to handle it now,
let alone when we're like a teenager in high school and stuff.
It just adds a lot more stress but if you're if you're pairing off with
someone, if you're alone with someone of the opposite gender that
you're interested in, you're in date territory? Is that it? No, no,
I know this. If it's planned- oh yeah- if it's paid for, is that one of them? The
three P's: Planned, paid for, and you're paired off with someone then
chances are it's a date. Don't do it before you're 16 and when
you are 16, that is not just like free reign on, you know, relationship heaven.
Once you hit 16, you shouldn't just jump into a relationship. It says don't
start dating until you're at least 16, right? And don't get in a relationship
until long after. I know people, especially like teenagers, are in
love with the idea of being in love. Mm-hm. And so we're just really excited
about like- yeah exactly- like something romantic or infatuation and
just kind of jump on that but it's sad, I mean on a serious note, it can lead to a
lot of trouble. I wanna, I want to say, this is the
counsel like I wish I had when I was in high school and then even past 16.
But not going on serious dates with one person in high school. I had a
terrible taste in the people I wanted to date.
And the girls I was into. A terrible taste. I dated girls who were not good
for me, who were like, looking back, did some straight-up like mentally and
emotionally abusive things, like things that was just not okay, right? Very, very
bad and like looking back I'm just like "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I put up with
that like over and over again" and it does a number on you. It does, it does
actually harm you so that counsel really could have protected me. I'd said I
wouldn't be seriously dating someone because God is looking out for you. You
know these are very important years when you're figuring out who you
are, you're figuring out what you believe in, what your talents are, like you're really
becoming a person and so that emotional and mental trauma
that can be put on there does go a long way and romance and like love
is a very, like, it's a very thick thing, it's like it's real it's real and when
it goes south, it goes south hard. So, and a lot of people especially in high
school base a lot of them self-image and self-worth off of if I'm not dating
someone well then I must not be worth dating, you know? Yeah or if I don't have
a really cute boyfriend or girlfriend then I must suck. I know that attitude is
all over like high school drama. And so if you're just, if you're just not
worrying about that, you really can focus on being happy, you know, an
individual. And your studies. Focus on your studies. Dad stop! We're gonna talk about these hormones
again pulsing through your veins cuz they're there and they're coursing
and they're gonna make you want to do things that you shouldn't do.
Those hormones are gonna make you want to date people. Okay, that's just the
biology of it but it pays to wait for all the reasons Kwaku mentioned and
all the reasons Justin mentioned. It doesn't make sense biologically but in
every other sense it makes sense to wait. Please for the love of all that is good,
follow this counsel from the prophets! This is really funny, so there's a girl, it
was kind of same situation as you David where it's like I'm in high school, there's
school I really liked and we just hang out a lot and it was like really fun but
we were like super flirty and stuff but I was like, I didn't want to hold any
girl's hand, I didn't want to kiss a girl until after my mission because I'm like,
"What's the point? I'm gonna save this like for a meaningful relationship. I'm not
just gonna throw my affection around. And so this girl, I remember just
praying one day and I just felt like, "Oh yeah, I probably shouldn't be so serious."
So I told her I was like, "I do like you but I don't think we should
date." She got really mad, really sad, you know, because she was hoping that we
would be a thing or whatever then a week later she starts dating my best friend
who turned out not to be such a good friend. And I realized wow, you
protected me because she was kind of crazy to do that. And I was like wow
like I'm glad I followed that counsel because that probably would have been
unhealthy, just like a little example of it's just easier, you know, a lot less
drama. The purpose of dating is to eventually find the person that you want
to marry and I did that. I got married. We get it, you're married, we get it all
right? I didn't know I was better than you guys! Just kidding, that's a quote,
that's a quote from a movie, that's just, that's a that's a cultural thing about--
that was really mean, don't put that in there. Can we be done with this episode?
Listen sixteen year olds, I know that you are like, I can't wait for 3
Mormons to tell us that you can date before you're 16 but we didn't tell you
that. The thing is, it really will protect you. I personally know that it will
protect you, I have a testimony of that because of the horrible relationships I
had in high school that low-key scarred me so I want you guys to be protected,
follow the Lord's counsel, he has spoken through the modern prophets to tell you
that you should wait to protect your heart, to protect your body, to protect
your mind because relationships are a wonderful thing but early on it can
hurt or it'll last for like 2 weeks and then you'll forget about them. Be sure to like,
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because we've all been there and we know it's the tough
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