alright lads, welcome back to my channel, if you are new here, my name is tom harlock and
i do not have an intro, but i am britain's current reigning moral compass, and as such, i consider it
my duty to report on the wacky and the wild, and it doesn't get much more mental than 'what not to wear'
'what not to wear' was a british reality makeover show running in the early 2000s on bbc one
hosted by trinny and susannah, the basic concept of 'what not to wear' is pretty simple, i mean, the clue's in the title
these two ladies travel the width and breadth of the country, finding unsuspecting
victims, judging their wardrobe, and just taking a big old shite on their entire existence, if i'm honest
there's nothing feminine about the way she dresses at all it's like she's scared to be a woman
but don't worry it could all be fixed with a strappy heel
she has sickeningly good legs
i do remember 'what not to wear' from when i was younger ,and they always had these ridiculous
fashion rules that everyone in the uk blindly followed
if i had a bust i'd wear low-cut tops like susannah
and if i had no bust i'd wear a little vest like trinny
jesus christ, i've known smokers to have more elaborate taste, what are you wearing love?
so, for today's video, i thought it'd be a grand idea to watch an episode of 'what not to wear' with yourself
in an effort to determine whether or not these fashion rules have stood the test of time
i thought actually perhaps i looked like something out of 'grease' you know, oliva newton-john?
in your dreams
the episode we're watching is season two episode one airing on september the
airing on september 11th 2002. god, that's one way to celebrate init
all right let's get this show on the road boys
crack open a fatty, why not, eh?
we believe that all women can look good whatever their age, shape or size
the trick is knowing what does and doesn't suit you
how on earth are you two gonna be the ones that tell people what to wear?
susannah looks like she owns a ranch, and trini looks like she sublets it for fracking
your friends and family won't hurt your feelings by telling you the harsh truth
but we're not your friends and family and we will
don't tell me whose feelings i would and wouldn't hurt, you don't know me
our target this week is sandy traveller she's 47, a creative
writing teacher, hore-lover and published writer herself
oh, i didn't sign up for a hose-girl
sandy doesn't know it, but we've been following her every move for a month
we're infamous style journalists who give staggeringly harsh advice
style journalists? i don't think that's a real job
no offence to people who are style journalists
sandy is proud of showing off her natural assets
she thinks she's got double e cups
i mean she's hardly flenging her tits around in a low v-cut, is she?
she's got a turtleneck, on for christ's sake
humble and modest - what more could you want?
but we know we can do much more for her, and so do her best friends - that's why she's been nominated to receive our treatment
nominate? nominate? they didn't even sign up for it? imagine the degrading
feeling of having your friends sign you up for a tv show called 'what not to wear', i'd absolutely end it all
i'd have to have friends first who cared about me but still
she did come to pick me up from school once
and i was a bit embarrassed, but don't tell her that, she'd probably be upset
embarrassed of your mum? you're the one with a terrible teeth placement, she's was probably fuming when you came out
you know how people hold on to an era they felt most beautiful?
i wonder if in the early 80s she felt that was her peak
because lots of people do that
if there's any truth to that, i'd probably be cosplaying as an embryo
i don't want to be mean, but the mullet hairstyle..
it is a mullet, isn't it?
i want to get the scissors out now
no you won't love, i'll snap your fingers
she reminds me rod stewart there
all right maybe there's a slight bias here but i'm a fan of the mullet
and if i'm honest sandy's got the freshest fit out of the lot
what it is is in trousers like that, that are very high-waisted
it makes her bum look flat
alright, well that's just harry styles in 2021
'what not to wear' has aged like old piss, jesus christ
must be her bedroom
mm-hmm
oh, i don't like all these hidden camera, it's starting to feel like a david dobrik vlog
she looks like she's got three pairs of tits there - her stomach, above her stomach, and then her tits
alright love, put a toner in your hair and pipe down, yeah
we're gonna give sandy a cheque for
two grand to completely revamp her entire wardrobe
ooh, trinny and susannah said budget
i mean to be fair you can pay me enough to spend an afternoon with those ladies
two grand wouldn't even touch the sides
but first, she'll have to listen to what we think about her style and
follow a strict set of rules before she's allowed to spend a penny of it
it they gave me two thousand pounds and told me to pick an outfit, i'd buy a coffin put myself in it and hope for the best
sandy's teaching her creative writing class blissfully unaware of what's about to happen
you can't confront her at work those are our colleagues appear imagine you're just
chilling on the day shift ,these two gals walk in with a camera crew telling you you're minging
i'd lose my absolute rag
we are susannah and trinny, and we're from bbc's what not to wear
this is degrading
we've been secretly filming you for a month
you've been set up by mika and claire, your best friends
i mean, if they're that good mates, they'll just tell you that you're
minging to your face, they wouldn't pull your national tv
tell the last to get a new cardigan
buy the cardigan for her yourself, if you're that concerned
here is a cheque for 2000 pounds
not janet in the background, frothing with envy
for you to spend on yourself on clothes and clothes alone
oh, you've ruined sandy's day there, she was just about to go and spunk it all on bitcoin, weren't she
oh, wow
you've got to hand over your body and your wardrobe and listen to some pretty
harsh advice from us two
all right love i'm ready to get this show on the road
maybe take that scarf off before you pass any judgment though, i can't take you seriously with that on
i don't know whether i'm pleased, excited, scared, nervous
this program is about changing the way i look and i find that quite scary
aw, i like sandy, i'll tell you that for free
hope they don't do her dirty - better not give her a karen bob - if they do i'll be calling the police
wait, are still defunding them? i'll call my mum
don't you dare give her a karen bob, i'll call my mum
sandy's come to our office with her entire wardrobe to view the secret footage for herself
could have given her a bag, just an ikea bag would have done, something to carry her s__t in
jesus christ, bit degrading init
sandy how are you feeling?
i'm not nervous, but i feel a little defensive
oh god, i feel awful for you darling, but i just know it's going to get worse
i think we better start and just get into it, don't you?
what are you doing filling me in my knickers?
we're showing that you have great legs
oh, what?!
yeah, this is the david dobrik vlog
this is beyond the pale, showing me in my knickers
tell us where that look comes in
of the cowboy boot with the with the black trouser tucked into it
this is abba
sure, darling, and i'm a member of the jackson five
this is a fancy dress party that you're going to?
that's so mean
is this a practical joke?
because sandy is 1000% the one with the most style in this whole entire episode
what's wrong with her? just because lass likes to wear blue mascar
alright, maybe the blue mascara is a choice, but still look at that green halterneck, go off lass
i thought i looked gorgeous, i thought i looked good
and now, what do you think?
i think i look seriously hideous
can we just talk about polo necks?
yeah, but only if you watch your tone
because i get easily offended, and this feels like a personal attack
so, you always wear polo necks - why?
i've got a thing about showing off cleavage
it's kind of rude
do you think i look rude?
i mean, i wouldn't say rude but i'd definitely say frumpy
go on, sandy, let her have it
i think you look lovely but if i was sitting there wearing that i would feel terribly uncomfortable
bloody hell, sandy, this is your one time to call her a slag
the thing is, by wearing something up here
you're just giving yourself a third chin
third chin? are you taking the limp biscuit?
you're lucky i don't take anything you say seriously, love, jesus chris, you'd give me a complex
third chin? i haven't got a singular chin
are you separated?
i'm divorced now, yes
and how much longer do
you think you're going to wear these for?
i know i haven't had human contact in a year, but still
this is kind of getting me going
whether i'm going to be able to take them off, i don't know
at the moment i cannot foresee it
me too darling, just clinging on to hope, you know how it is
i'm feeling pretty sick actually, physically sick
complete strangers is going to be watching the program and saying
look at that fat middle-aged woman, who thinks she looks like the girl in abba
fair point, sandy
having thousands of people judge every aspect of your appearance must be quite emotionally draining
time to look at sandy's wardrobe, so we can chuck out what not to wear
there's not one single thing on here that can be salvaged
there's not one thing that you think i could keep?
no
i mean, i'll have them if you're getting rid of them, love
as long as it's an unflattering shape and goes up to my chin, i don't give a s__t
doesn't that feel great?
probably not, love, you just threw all her shit out
no that doesn't feel great
are you thinking, "what on earth am i going to wear tomorrow?"
that feels very... insecure
that's enough of what not to wear, time to show sandy what she should be wearing
brilliant - this is my favorite part of any makeover show, where they tell you what you should be wearing
they give out loads of advice and rules that make absolutely no sense, but they're pretty
entertaining so crack on, trinny, what do you have to say, love?
you're very hourglass, and that's what we have to show off
so you've got the bosoms peeking out here, a pencil skirt which means that it's going to hang
from your tummy, straight down, rather than go underneath and show it off
what on earth is that cardigan?
are you taking the bon marche piss? this is absolutely ridiculous
the dorothy perkins of this whole situation is just making my blood boil
i think now, it's like, you've got £2000
so you can really indulge yourself
i will, i'm looking forward to it actually
so sandy's been told that everything she owns is minging, she's had her wardrobe thrown out, and she's been given two
grand to go on a shopping spree - let's see what she finds, eh
ooh, just a gal on a shopping trip to debenhams
i used to work in debenhams, back in the day, and customers like this really do jog my memory
i remember once one shouted at me because i marked a whole entire rack of coats down 95%
by accident, and she was like, "well you have to sell it to me aren't you for three pounds"
and i told her to f__k right off
i think these are lovely
well, that makes one of us
i've actually got a woman's shape again - i think this outfit's the winner
i mean that jacket doesn't fit her for s__t
it's so ill-fitting i'd wear it
can i have a pair of these jeans?
i'm gonna get a pair of glitzy jeans if it kills me
go on darling, you stick to your guns, get your glitzy jeans, get some
tammy girl ones with bad gal written on the ass in rhinestones or somethin
sandy's already spent £800
on her initial shopping day, but i'm not sure that she's following our strict rules, so
we've come to secretly spy on her to see if she's changed her ways
can't you just be normal for half a second?
why do you need to keep spying on people?
it's time to go
ooh, the technology jumped out
suddenly, you have all those chins spilling over the top of it
you're being very rude
it's true though
and look at all this here!
stop touching -
why are you -
get your hands off her!
leave sandy alone, and her f__king eight chins
jesus christ
you haven't got any chins, sandy. sorry, it just came out
what's that? you got a willy in there?
please susanna, keep your hands to yourself your lack of personal space is getting me
very stressed and worked up, trinny you can't just ask people if they've got a p___s, but to
answer your question, yes i do and it's absolutely huge
what? i'm not lyring
come on, sandy
oh, go away
go on, sandy, cause some drama
what you doing, love
so much better
isn't it wonderful?
fantastic
i love it
really, really great
it works, doesn't it?
do i need cataract surgery or is that minging?
oh, i like the skirt, the skirt's great
surely you're taking the piss now? i've seen c_m shots with more artistic flair
the top, i think would be very good without a busy skirt, because this is making it busy, that's very good for
you because you don't know where your folds are fat are
please don't let them put you in any of
these clothes, darling, take that two grand and run, put it in bitcoin, open up yourself a little side
hustle, get yourself an ounce and sell it off cheap, jesus christ do anything apart from wear that f__king outfit
these are britney's jeans, aren't they? i mean, they are britney's jeans
are they called britney jeans, because anybody who buys them deserves to have all their human rights taken away?
i want to go -
do you?
yeah, i do
i just think it's a little bit mr garbage collector
maybe they do have a point when it comes to the jacket, she does look like the wish version of buffy the vampire slayer
quickly, love, get home your mum's about to die - it's a major plot point
i think our minds are molding together a bit now, whereas before i was over there, and they were over there and
it's kind of never the twain shall meet, but we seem to be reaching a point that
we're all agreeing on
errr, i'm not convinced you're convinced, darling
you sound like you've been through conversion therapy, not like you've had a style overhaul out of your own choice
two days later, sandy returns to our office, it's bye-bye agnetta, and hello the new sandy
oh i didn't know angela merkel got highlighs, bloody hell, hurry up love you got a country to run
just look at you! she's got a naughty confident smirk - you just know you look incredible, don't you?
i mean, i'll take the hair or leave it, that karen bob's not doing her any favors, is it? jesus christ
but despite that, i think she looks a little bit sexy
i do feel different inside
and i realise that that for years and years, i've been hiding, so i feel quite emotional
i'm confused because they've made her more 80s than when she started, they've just given her a
sexy little karen bob, and hoped for the best
shall we have a look in the mirror?
oh, god, let's have a look
come on
£80 to look like that?
honestly, i'd rather spend it on half a gram
at least then, when you look in the mirror, you can see whatever you want
oh, wow!
who is this person?
am i getting dysmorphic or is that what my hair looks like?
please, let me know down below in the comments, because i'm losing
the will to live, it's all i can focus on right now
do i look like angela merkel with highlights?
you have got the perfect bum to wear a jacket, it cuts right across it
it's pert, hard, it's great
f__king hell, no need to slip her a digit, love, we're on the bbc
so are you ready to get rid of anything else in your past?
yeah i think i probably am
really, and truly?
i think i probably am
oh god, is she taking her rings off? this is going to be an emotional moment
i don't need to hide behind the rings anymore, so they're off
tell you what darling, there's solidarity in numbers
i'll join you on that one
oh, my god
yeah, that's not happening
sorry, darling
permanently married to the game it seems
well, i'm naked now, i'm totally naked, and it feels good
it feels good - i haven't got anything to hide
i think it's amazing that you've done that
aw, darling
this is quite nice
completely unrelated ,but doesn't it make you feel kind of ill watching people be this close
to one another? i know we used to do it back in the day, but i couldn't imagine having that-
get the f__k away from me please, you've got halitosis
i still think you're beastly
yeah, well, we are
i still think you're a horrible pair of beastly women
i think the most notable change is to change my mum's confidence because now
she walks around and she's proud and she's got her shoulders back
i mean, yeah. no thanks to you though, darling, you were calling her minging half an hour ago
go and get your braces tightened or something - piss off
i have found parts of it very painful and i'm actually i'm actually quite proud of
myself that i've that i've shown the courage to do it
you should be proud of yourself darling
i'm proud of you, well done
i hope you guys enjoyed this video let me know your thoughts and feelings
on the makeover down below in the comments do you want me to watch more episodes of what not to wear
because i bloody will, make sure to leave this video a like, and if you want more from me in general
and you can click subscribe, thanks for watching, i really appreciate it i'll see in the next one, bye