In October of 2017, the comedy world mourned when the news poured in that Ralphie May had
died from cardiac arrest after a long battle with pneumonia.
His passing was felt far and wide, and the outpouring of condolences was immediate.
"Ralphie May, rest in peace."
So what should you know about the man Marc Maron called a "comic warrior"?
Bad advice
You know how horribly things can go on the first day of a new job?
No matter how bad it may have been for you in the past, Ralphie May's first real gig
was worse.
When May was 17, he won a contest that had a terrifying prize - opening for Sam Kinison.
Before going on stage, Kinison had gave May some advice: if things go wrong, swear and
yell.
"Just start yelling and screaming at the audience.
The more you yell and scream at 'em and cuss at 'em, the more they'll love you.
I'm like, 'Really?'
They go, 'Yeah.'"
During the show, May flubbed a punch line and completely failed to get his rhythm back.
“Oh boy, it’s quiet in here.”
He tried following Sam’s advice, not realizing that Kinison had been messing with him.
According to May, he then got booed by 3,200 people, cried, and ran off the stage, where
Kinison told him he’d never work in stand-up comedy again.
[Screaming]
It all started with a car accident
When May performed on Last Comic Standing, he was a relatively svelte 450 pounds, but
his weight fluctuated throughout his life, at one point ballooning up to 800 pounds.
He'd always known where his problems started - with a car accident when he was only 16
years old.
May broke 42 bones in the accident, and his fight with obesity since then was constant.
He had gastric bypass surgery, had his stomach stapled, and even spent two months on VH1's
Celebrity Fit Club.
His goal weight was always 200 pounds, but he'd only make it down to around 350.
Sadly, he felt that his size was a detriment to his career, saying he thought that there
was a bias against overweight people in the entertainment industry.
Kicked out of high school
May attended Clarksville High School in Clarksville, Arkansas, but said that he was kicked out
in 1990.
He was - unsurprisingly - known for pranks, but it turned out that stealing the principal's
car took things a step too far.
The school couldn't prove it was him, but when word got out that they were going to
expel a whole group of students over the incident, May stepped up and took all the blame.
He said that the other kids in question were the valedictorian and the salutatorian, so
he didn’t want their academic futures to be put in jeopardy when all he wanted was
to be a comedian.
Colorado controversy
In 2015, TMZ reported that May had been acting so incoherently at a show that the police
had to be called to escort him away.
They claimed he was high, but May told a different story.
While audience members were claiming he couldn't even form a sentence, May blamed the troubles
on faulty monitors.
He talked to a Nebraska radio station and said it was a technical malfunction that made
him look like he couldn't speak.
He also questioned how he was treated by the Grand Junction Police Department as he was
escorted away - as seen in a video captured by TMZ.
He said they claimed they'd gotten reports of some kind of powder being seen, so they
searched May, his bus, and his car.
Nothing was found, and KJCT8 reported he questioned the legality of the search, claiming police
didn't have probable cause.
He was against political correctness
No one would ever accuse May of being too P.C.
In fact, the comedian felt that political correctness was just plain wrong, telling
IFC in 2012,
"You’re setting yourself up for something very damaging and potentially very dangerous."
May stated that it was once politically correct to own slaves, and later it was still politically
correct to have segregated schools.
That's why he said he chose to include some of the worst racial slurs in his comedy.
By making people laugh at these words, he said he wanted to take away their power to
hurt.
He explained:
"I want to give people the tools not to be hurt.
And I wanted to take the sting away from the words."
Not everybody was onboard with that
Jokes about race are pretty much guaranteed to bring a gasp of some sort from the audience.
In April 2017, May talked to Show Tickets about his No Apologies show in Las Vegas and
explained just why he felt comfortable employing racially insensitive humor.
May said, "People are only offended when it's about their group.
If you get offended, then take your [...] lump like everyone else and wait for the next joke."
He also said that there was nothing personal and no hate behind the jokes, noting that
intent makes a big difference, saying
"I give everybody drama, but everyone also knows it's Ralphie.
He loves you."
Not everyone saw eye-to-eye with him on that, though.
In 2016 the Argus Leader reported on the outrage that came after some of the comedian's jokes
were, according to May, taken out of context and broadcast on the radio.
He made a joke about the Native American community that hit on both alcoholism and unemployment.
The rage was instantaneous.
The Cheyenne River Youth Project accused him of racism and bullying.
Ralphie apologized - sort of - tweeting "...if you're truly offended by a joke that was edited
and taken out of context, I am truly sorry.”
He had a history of bullying
May told IFC that while there were certain things people didn't want him to talk about,
there was only one subject he felt was truly off-limits: bullying and violence against
women, children, and animals.
Part of the reason he never found it funny is that he said he used to be a bully himself,
and that only changed after his devastating car accident.
While he was recovering, a boy from his church would travel 60 miles three days a week just
to visit him in hospital and help him keep up with his schoolwork.
When May got out and went back to school the next year, he saw the same kid: depressed
and the target of relentless bullying, all because he was gay.
May said that he wound up in some physical altercations with old friends over the way
that they treated the boy, and claimed that that was when he became a man.
Blindsiding his ex-wife with a split
Ralphie May and his wife, Lahna Turner, filed for divorce in 2015.
While the rumor mill ran wild, the cause of their split remains unknown.
Turner wrote a guest post on LaughSpin in 2017 suggesting the problems really started
in 2011, after May was hospitalized.
She said that Ralphie was diagnosed with pulmonary embolisms, and that the doctors saved his
life by seconds.
According to Turner, May was never quite the same after that.
She didn't go into specifics, but when she talked to SplitSider she did say that when
she was served with divorce papers after 17 years together, she didn't see it coming.
Serious lifestyle changes
In 2011, May faced some major health scares.
It started in October, when he boarded a cruise ship while suffering from the early stages
of pneumonia.
He was rushed to the hospital after just three days and spent nine days recovering from pneumonia
and blood clots in his lungs.
When he spoke with the Tampa Bay Times that December, he said that no one would have been
surprised if he'd died, claiming that,
"[People would] probably just put it to me being obese, and just write it off like that."
It wasn't just a weight problem, though.
He'd slept in his own bed only 17 days in the previous seven months.
His travel schedule was insane.
By 2012, he was facing an extensive list of health issues: thyroid problems, hormone problems,
a dislocated shoulder, difficulty absorbing vitamins, and his weight.
He planned to quit marijuana and drinking, figuring he'd release a few more albums and
one more special before he quit comedy for good.
But even though he never got to retire on his own terms, Ralphie May's legacy as larger
than life - in more ways than one - will still live on in the hearts of his fans.
"Hey, my name is Ralphie May, y'all been great!
Thank you so much!"
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