"Dear Ryan, can you speed draw?"
(stereotypical French laughter)
So did you like it?
(sadly) No.
"Dear Ryan, can you squeeze a girl's chest?"
(gasps)
(uneven panting)
Wha-What are you doing?!
What? I'm just squeezing your chest.
- Why? - Why not?
Because it's mine and it's private!
Then maybe you shouldn't show it off so much.
Stop!
Pfft! Fine!
You got a small chest anyway.
Daaaaamn!
Now that is a "chest" I'd play with.
"Dear Ryan: Do a Bleach Trailer."
(intense music)
(sword scrapes against scabbard)
(intense music)
(sword scrapes against scabbard)
(action music)
(music intensifies)
(dramatic music)
"Dear Ryan, can you eat a ghost chili pepper?"
I don't know.
I heard a lot of crazy things about these bad boys,
but here we go.
("jar" rattles)
(invisible ghost pepper) Woooo!
- Woooooo! - (chewing)
I don't know what the big deal is.
They're not that HOOOOOOT!
"Dear Ryan, can you shave your armpits?"
So everybody's been telling me to do this
for the longest time now.
It's one of the most popular Dear Ryans I get
every single time.
I guess I finally gotta do it.
Before I do, I just wanna say goodbye and thank you guys.
You guys have been around since I was like 13 or 12.
I thought you'd guys would never come,
but then you did-- you stuck by me
through all the hard times and I just wanna thank you.
Thank you for all the memories.
(touching music)
[inaudible]
With that being said...
(razor buzzes)
Goodbye, my friends.
Noooooooo!
Not like this.
Goodbye, cruelest world!
Daddy? Are we going to die?
No, son, we're just moving on to a better place.
Ooh!
(razor buzzes, hairs scream in terror)
Hi, I'm Ryan Hairga,
and right now, millions of armpit hairs are being murdered
in the western hemisphere known as the left armpit
just because they weren't born in the right neighborhood.
Not the head, not the lip or chin,
not even here in the right armpit, but the left.
So will you be an angel hair
and help us put an end to hair murder?
From all of us here in the right arm pit,
we just want to say to all of our brothers and sisters
in the left to keep fighting, hold on,
and know that our follicles go out to all of you that--
- (razor buzzes) - (shrieking)
And done!
Yeah, I don't know if I like this too much.
Mmm.
(straining)
Hmm.
Tee hee!
So leave your questions in the comments below
and you could be responsible for the next video.
(stereotypical French laughter)
(giggling)
It sounds so stupid.
- (rattling) - (Ryan giggles)
(stereotypical French laughter)
Daaaamn!
(laughs) Oh god.
Now that is a "chest" I'd play with.
(laughter)
(stereotypical French laughter)
(cracking up)
Dude, [inaudible].
Dude, this is hella sore.
(director) Cut!