Welcome to Spotlight.
I’m Colin Lowther.
And I’m Liz Waid.
Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting.
It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
Rose is four years old.
Her mother, Ann, is busy making food.
Rose runs to her mother and pulls on her leg.
She says:
“Mommy!
Mommy, let’s go play!”
Ann tells her:
“Rose, I need to make this food for dinner.
I cannot play right now.”
Rose walks away, sad.
She spends a few minutes playing with her toys.
When Ann finishes the food, she and Rose are finally able to play together.
This happens often in Rose’s house.
She wants to play with her mother all the time.
Rose is showing her mother her love language.
This story comes from Dr. Gary Chapman.
For many years, Dr. Chapman has studied how people communicate love to each other.
Dr. Chapman has identified five main ways that people show love.
In an earlier program we told about the first love language: Kind Words.
These are the five love languages:
Kind Words of Affirmation Quality Time
Receiving Gifts Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Today’s Spotlight continues our series on the five love languages.
This series is based on the work of Dr. Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages.
Today’s love language is quality time.
Quality time is about spending time with another person.
But it is not just about being in the same space or room.
Spending quality time means that you are doing something together.
It means you are concentrating on the other person and what they are doing and saying.
For a person whose Love Language is quality time, spending time together makes them feel
loved.
It is a way to say “You are important.
I like being with you”.
Think about this story Dr. Chapman tells about Peter and Sue.
Peter and Sue had trouble talking together.
They often disagreed and argued.
They did not enjoy being together.
They wondered if their marriage should end.
They went to see Dr. Chapman for help.
Chapman listened to them.
He heard about their problems.
Then he suggested that they try saying more kind words to each other.
He told them to say something kind to each other every single day.
This improved their relationship.
Peter felt loved, wanted, and needed by Sue.
He started to enjoy spending time with Sue again.
But Sue was still not happy.
She explained to Dr. Chapman that their relationship had improved, but that she needed more.
She said,
“Peter is saying kind words like you suggested.
I do enjoy that.
But, he is not spending any time with me.
He is still so busy at work that we never have time together."
The problem was that Peter and Sue spoke different love languages.
Peter was feeling loved.
And Sue enjoyed the kind words.
But what she really wanted was time together.
So Dr. Chapman suggested that Peter change how much time he was working.
Peter agreed to make the change.
His work was important, but not as important as his marriage.
In this way, he was able to learn to speak Sue’s love language and improve their relationship.
Do you know someone who may speak Quality Time as their love language?
The first part of showing love through quality time is simply spending time together.
But there are creative ways this can happen.
It does not have to be uninteresting.
Chapman explains,
“Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our time together just looking into
each other’s eyes.
It means doing something together.
It means giving our full attention to the other person.
What we are doing is not important.
The important thing is that we are spending focused time with each other.
The thing we are doing is a way to create the sense of togetherness.”
And spending quality time with people means that you do the things that they like to do.
It does not mean doing the things that you like to do.
For example, if your friend does not like sports, then do not ask him to go to a football
game.
Instead, ask your friend what he likes to do.
Then, do that.
That tells your friend that you care about him.
The second part of quality time is listening.
When you listen, you should look a person in the eyes.
Ask questions that encourage the person to keep talking.
Listen with care and do not stop them from speaking.
Work to understand what someone is trying to communicate.
Try to understand the words they are saying, but also their thoughts and feelings.
When you are listening, you should not do anything else at the same time.
Do not look at your phone or computer.
Do not read a book or magazine.
Do not cook food or clean your house.
This is a special time only for listening to what they have to say.
Listen for the other person to talk about feelings and emotions.
It is often easier to talk about things that happened than to talk about how we feel.
Ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?”
Or “What did you feel when that happened?”
Even saying, “That must have been difficult” is a good way to communicate love and understanding.
Finally, watch your body language.
Sometimes our words communicate one thing while our body communicates another.
The love language of quality time takes time and effort.
Some people are very busy.
They wonder where they will find all the time to do these things.
Dr Chapman writes:
“We make time just as we make time for lunch or dinner.
Why?
Because quality time is just as important to our (friendships and) marriage as meals
are to our health.
It is difficult?
Does it take careful planning?
Yes.
Does it mean we have to give up some individual activities?
Maybe.
Does it mean we do some things we do not enjoy?
Yes.
But is it worth it?
Definitely yes!
What do I get?
I get the pleasure of having a (friend or) husband or wife who feels loved and knowing
that I have learned to speak his or her love language.”
Do you think your love language is quality time?
What is your favorite way to spend quality time?
Tell us what you think.
You can leave a comment on our website.
You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio.
Then make sure to listen to the other programs in this series.
The writer of this program was Adam Navis.
The producer was Michio Ozaki.
All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight.
You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net.
This program is called, ‘The Five Love Languages: Quality Time.
Visit our website to download our free official app for Android or Apple devices.
We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program.
Goodbye.