- You might be wondering to yourself,
Frank, how can I be more needy?
First, what you have to do,
is to think to yourself,
how your life will be complete
when you get this thing that you desire.
Then, what you need to do is,
obsess over it constantly.
Then, when you almost get it,
you need to push it away
or become dissatisfied with it and move the goal-posts.
Then, repeat.
Now, we all know what neediness is, right?
I can tell you,
I've done it a few times in my life.
It starts off with thinking to yourself,
man, my life will be complete.
I will be a whole person,
once I get the object of my desire.
And maybe, that object is something
as simple as getting validation from others.
But it could also be something like,
oh, if I get that boyfriend,
if I get that raise,
if I get that rare amulet in Skyrim,
if I could just get that poster from Society6.
So, we become
stuck
and we become addicted to the neediness.
We become addicted to the desire we have for this thing
or this person or this validation,
that we think we need.
But here's the problem, people.
Let me zoom-in to show how problematic it is.
Okay, that's too far.
The problem is,
that our subconscious
will push this thing away,
once we come close to getting it.
Or, once we get it, we'll say, ah,
that really wasn't what I wanted.
Because you are addicted
to the needing
and your subconscious wants you to stay in that state.
Because ultimately,
we have trained ourselves to want the desire
and not really the thing itself.
The thing itself is kinda just a MacGuffin.
You know what a MacGuffin is, in screenwriting, in movies?
It's where the characters in the movie
have to go get this thing.
But ultimately,
the thing they're going after,
doesn't really matter a whole lot.
It was just
a plot device
that the screenwriter came up with,
so that the characters had something to do for two hours.
That's what we do with our neediness.
The thing itself that we want,
is the MacGuffin.
Now, your boy, FJ, is not himself a Buddhist,
I'm not that cool.
But one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is that,
the cause of suffering is the attachment to desire.
Desire in itself,
it's just the natural human thing,
you can't stop desiring.
But when you are addicted
to that,
that neediness,
not the thing itself but the feeling of wanting it,
that is the cause of the suffering.
So, what should we do, Frank?
You might well ask.
Are we supposed to just stop desiring things?
No, I don't think you can really stop desiring something
that you desire.
The thing we have to do is,
to
realize
when we're too caught up in the process
of
desiring.
Meaning, you can train yourself to stop thinking,
if I just get that thing,
my life will be complete and I will be a whole person.
'Cause guess what?
Maybe you're not, you know, the best you could be.
But you're whole person the way you are.
The way you are right now,
doesn't need anything added to it.
You can call yourself out a bit and say,
wait a second,
do I just like laying in bed at night,
thinking, oh, man,
the day when I get this, will be so good.
Is that what you're doing?
And you can probably look back on your own life
and catch yourself doing this.
Where you will get something that you wanted
or almost did it and somehow,
it fell apart.
Huh, wonder how that happened?
Maybe, subconsciously you conspired to push it away
so that you could keep meeting it.
I think, your subconscious knows.
And maybe, this is the best thing for you to do.
Your subconscious knows that,
once you get this thing
and you're not getting that fix of neediness anymore,
you'll find that you were just as miserable as you were,
before you attained the object of your desire.
I mean, look back at your life.
When did you ever say,
man, if I can just get that girl to go on a date with me,
if I get her as a girlfriend,
life will be a breeze.
And then, it happened and you're like,
oh,
life is the same.
But now, I don't have that comfort of fantasizing about,
when I get that thing.
When I was a kid,
I can remember really wanting a Pokedex.
You remember those little toys?
Very cool.
And in my little child brain,
I thought, once I get this Pokedex,
this is gonna be the most awesome life ever.
I'm not really complete without that thing.
And then,
I got it.
My dreams came true when I got the Pokedex.
And yeah, sure, for a little while,
there was that climax of emotion of,
yes, I got the object of my desire.
But
after how long?
A few weeks, maybe a few months, I was like,
oh, it's just another part of my life
and I still have that emptiness
that was there before.
And as adults,
maybe we don't want Pokedex but we want relationships,
we want money,
we want a bigger house,
we want a nicer car.
And when you achieve these things,
I think you're gonna find that that hole that you felt,
that you thought this was gonna fill,
is still there.
So, when you catch yourself in a state of neediness,
just tell yourself,
I'm okay right now.
I was okay before I got this object of my desire.
And I'll be okay of I get it.
But this thing really isn't gonna change anything.
Maybe it'll change the circumstances of my life.
But it won't change that inner state
that I think it will.
And you also have to tell yourself,
I'll be okay,
I'll be whole even if I don't get it.
Whether I get it or not is irrelevant.
I'm a whole person.
It'd be nice if I got it.
But if I don't, oh, well.
You and I,
we came into the world with nothing
and we will go out with nothing.
Anything along the way is just a temporary bonus.
Before we go,
I haven't put anything on the frisky pony board
in quite a while.
So, let's put on a couple of people.
The frisky pony board is where I post comments
that are the most erudite
and the most well-thought-out.
Elvis your grandpa?
Keep that a secret, okay?
Welcome, Cissi N.
I want James Franco to play Frank James.
And I want Frank James to do a YouTube parody
as James Franco.
Somewhere in there, I wanna see pron actor, James Deen.
I'm just sayin'.
Thank you for censoring yourself, C Von.
And welcome to the frisky pony board.
Thanks so much for watching.
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Until next time,
stay cool and attractive.
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