Do you like something scary,
or do you like something sexy for a Halloween costume?
Which one is this?
I-
This is obviously scary.
Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel.
And I'm Katya.
And we are two queens who like to watch horror.
Today we'll be watching, House at the End of the Street,
In the Tall Grass,
Hush,
We Summon the Darkness,
and Cabin Fever.
Woo!
I think I've seen all of these movies.
I have seen many of them, if not most.
By the way, we can't say what we're dressed as...
- But I think that - No.
these costumes are very "powerful."
Yes, I'm "wrangling power" as we speak.
- Ooh! Beware of spoilers! - Yeah.
Yeah, if you're worried about spoilers,
just stare directly into my tits.
And today's episode is brought to you by the letter G,
as in, "Girl, get out of there!"
"Girl, what the (beep) you doing in there?"
"Girl, don't run up the stairs, run out the front door."
"Girl, you've done it again."
"Constantly getting murdered, and doing it flawlessly."
This chilling film we're gonna watch is,
House at the End of the Street,
featuring the complex multi-talents,
of two of the most talented blonde actresses, Elisabeth Shue
- and Jennifer Lawrence. - Me and you.
Yeah.
I'm Elisabeth Shue, you're Jennifer Lawrence.
- Jennifer Lawrence - Naturally.
I (beep) love Jennifer Lawrence.
I (beep) love Elisabeth Shue.
Let's get into it, I hope none of them die.
Me too...
Horror movie trope number one,
“I hear a spooky noise in the very dingy dark basement.
What do I do as a big titted blonde?
I'm gonna go down there by myself, and check it out.”
You know what though, you're Jennifer–
it's Jennifer Lawrence.
You wanna see me checking it out
- in the basement? - But mama, but she won
the Hunger Games.
No (beep), you're what's in the (bleep) damn basement.
Oh no.
What, what, what, what, what?
- I don't know, I don't even know. - Oh, oh.
It's down, underneath the rug, it's a trap door!
No.
Oh!
- Not a spiral staircase. - Staircase!
Tiny spiral staircase!
Don't you dare (beep)!
- Don't you (beep) dare. - Girl...
Girl, what are you doing?
She hasn't done her horror movie homework.
If you've seen like, Evil Dead,
you're not opening the trap shack.
You don't go down there,
you know what you do?
You go, "Uh, Claire, I'm coming over."
You sleep over at Claire's,
come down the next day with three guys, and then you go
- in bright noon. - And then, you
and the three guys,
well, what happens happens.
Oh my God, this is crazy.
Oh!
It must be hard for an intelligent young actress
to read this script and go,
"What's my motivation to go down the creepy stairs?"
"Danger whore."
That's what the alternate title of this movie was.
Would you go down the stairs?
- Not a chance in (beep) hell. - Girl, get out of there!
Girl, get out of there.
Ah!
Oh my God.
- Brian! - All right.
My girl Elisabeth Shue coming through
in a hostage situation.
I'm looking for Elissa, is she here?
No ma'am.
Oh no.
Elissa?
- Girl... - Mom, help!
- Elissa! - Mom!
Elissa!
Oh!
- No, Elisabeth! - Don't, (beep)
with the baby sitter.
I'm sorry I can't keep you Elissa.
This little peanut pecker? Oh, I, she's,
you better believe Miss Lawrence
is gonna (beep) cash him outside.
You better believe watch, come on.
- You better jump to it, yeah. - Get up, Julia.
Bam Bam! Nail gun! Nail gun!
Oh, regular gun.
Oh, I don't like it! I don't like it.
He’d be flashlighting around
and it would cut to me
and I'd be like-
Aren't you sad that happened to Elisabeth Shue?
You're shook.
I am extremely sad.
She loves kids more than me.
"You know, you're a single mom,
but don't you have a daughter?"
"Oh no, she was murdered."
"Sweet kid, but you know, murder."
Okay, so we have, In the Tall Grass,
based on the novel, "In the Tall Grass."
Hello?
Don't make–, don't even.
"I'm sorry,
- you have the wrong number." - Girl...
That's literally what a phone call
from Sallie Mae sounds like.
“Ugh! Ugh!”
"Do you wanna make a minimum payment?"
“Agh! Agh!”
"You still owe us 44 grand."
I mean, getting lost in a field like that
probably won't happen, but it is terrifying.
Terrifying. The ticks! Lyme disease!
- Ooh, I hate that. Oh, I hate that. - Ohh.
- Oh, that’s you! - Been there.
Oh no.
By the way,
my plants on my patio are watching this right now,
being like,
"Yeah (beep), take better care of us
or it's (beep) over for you."
Okay, fast forward our friend Patrick Wilson,
not as sweet as you think.
- No. - He's a little possessed
by the grass.
Also, not to be gross,
possessed, culty Patrick Wilson,
- still (beep) hot. - Yeah.
He could slither up my coochie anytime.
We have to go.
This movie is so scary.
It's very scary.
Girl, get your hot brother and leave.
This rock, once you touch it, you'll know.
He sounds like a used car salesman.
"You gotta trust me on this.
Five little fingers on that rock, your life's gonna be changed, whoa."
Would you touch the rock?
Absolutely, I would.
Both hands, and my
- like, titties. - You'd be already nude, pressed against it.
Not even halfway through his speech,
my titties would be sliding down that rock.
Unhhhh.
We'd blink and you'd be gone, and we’d push the rock over
and you're under it.
You roll the rock and I'm just like,
"Vibe check."
"Vibe check!"
And all flesh, is grass.
Okay, terrifying,
terrifying.
Somebody smiling and like earnestly
- crushing a head is terrifying. - Yeah, I'd be like-
Girl, the second, the second the murder began,
I would have been full "Forrest Gump",
"Wherever I was going, I was running."
I would be (beep), just-
I wouldn't even hear the screams.
I'd be in Nevada.
Patrick Wilson, we have no choice but to stan.
Hush, is about a young woman who is differently-abled.
She doesn't have the sense of hearing.
And she's alone,
and she's like, "I want my independence."
Except she's being stalked.
Maddie! Maddie, please save me!
Imagine the last thing you see when you die
is me doing the dishes.
I would be so 'pressed, I would be so 'pressed.
I'm like, "She's never done the dishes a day in her life,
but tonight!"
Oh, that face.
Now, as a masked killer, myself,
a woman who I can sneak up on easier is definitely the vibe.
You can get creative.
You ever wanna sneak up on someone
in tap shoes?
This your moment.
Me at the liquor store when they close at 8:01.
Yeah! "May I have some more?"
I, no. No.
You have no idea the kind of scream and screech,
the kind of blood curdling,
I would jump to the ceiling.
Why was she screaming to get help
when she knows she's deaf?
I know? Why wouldn't she,
you gotta, you gotta, you gotta smash your way in there.
Oh, mama,
- the way I would've thrown my body. - Kick, you gotta kick
- that (beep) glass (beep). - Kick.
You kick it with everything you've got.
You go barreling
- You kick it. - into that kitchen.
If I was outside my friend's house
and I even heard a rustle in the grass,
I'd throw my body through that window so (beep) fast.
Woah!
Headfirst. Dive roll.
"Didn't see face..."
- "Won't tell, didn't see..." - "Boyfriend coming..."
Oh, she wrote that.
- What? - "I won't tell,
I didn't see your face, my boyfriend's coming home."
Okay.
- Ohh... - Girl...
- Girl. - I don't like it.
I don't, oh no, I don't like it.
Okay, plot twist,
- what if he's kinda cute? - Is he hot?
Oh my God, okay wait.
"Oh wait, hold on a second,
are you sure you wanna kill me
or you just wanna murder this (beep)?"
Before you kill me, show me with what that (beep) do.
Like, I could fall in love with him,
I'm telling you right now,
I could fall in love with him.
You've seen it now, haven't you?
Oh see, okay I'm not buying this killer voice.
What that voice is saying is like,
"Do you want me to pick up a bottle of Pinot on my way home?"
- Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, he's talking like,
"Text to speech, let me know when you get home."
Why don't you deepen that voice and spook this (beep)?"
By the way, him taking off the mask is telling her,
"I'm gonna kill you.”
That's the kind of straight white male confidence,
I wish to exude.
What do you do in this situation?
Honestly, I'm dipping out the front door in running shoes
and I'm gonna outrun that (beep).
Or just get killed.
Another great option.
All right, next film, We Summon the Darkness.
This sees three best friends who
cross paths with some psycho killers,
after they try to party, party, party
till their panties fall off.
Because, this is not your house anymore,
so why don't you just go.
We're just having
- a slumber party, just– - Oh, I love this.
Don't!
Oh my God!
See? Sometimes,
if somebody says, "You need to get out of here,"
you should get out of here.
This woman went looking for trouble.
Go down to the Ponderosa, it's happy hour.
But now, you got stabbed in your,
actually I really like this outfit, it's kind of sad.
- She's brainwashing you. - (Beep) you.
Having long hair is not a good thing for a fight.
No, you gotta put, it's gotta be a slicked back pony tail,
but even then, she'd, they'd grab it.
They grab it, that's the first thing they grab.
Look at me,
look at me.
Whoa, these are intense fights in this movie.
Yeah.
Bam!
- Nice. - I mean...
- That was cool. - Double processed hair
like that, would go up into flames.
Honestly, if I had long hair,
the second adversity was coming upon me in a film like this,
I'd shave my head.
- Buzz it. Oh yeah, - They would blink,
and then I'd be shaving my head.
I'm clipping my nails, I'm shaving my head
I'm taking my earrings out.
I'm doing "G.I. Jane", girl.
I'd also oil my head.
Oil it, shave clean and covered in Vaseline.
Okay, so this is Cabin Fever.
And it's some,
college-age friends,
going for a little remote kiki in the woods.
Oopsie! Flesh-eating virus!
Woopsie.
Oh my God!
I'm burning, help me.
I need a doctor.
All right, get him a blanket.
Sick people don't need blankets.
You.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no wait.
I'm not letting that contagious freak in here.
“Open the door, it can't be that bad.”
Look at him.
- Oh my God. - He's gonna kill him.
Oh, no!
Girrrl...
- They are wilding out. - What are they doing?
I don't know.
Why are they shooting and attacking this sick person?
This is wild.
"He's ill, kill him."
Get the–
They're gonna light him on fire!
Oh my God.
- Oh my God! - Oh my God!
Help me.
Oh my God, they just kill him.
What a, what a, cavalcade of bad decisions.
In their defense,
as a sick guy, you don't just roll up crazy.
- I mean... - Like, "I'm sick,
I'm gonna sit out here on the porch,
'cause I don't know if it's contagious.
Can you call 911," you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true.
Be considerate, be considerate because look what happens.
Also, you're supposed to stop, drop and roll.
"Somebody tried to kill us
and we all might die from a virus, are you horny?"
Oh, is this, when it's, on her back?
No, girl, girl.
- In her, in her... - Get into it.
Oh no.
Ow. Stop, stop, stop, stop, ow.
Ohh!
Calm down, take it easy now.
No. No, no, no.
- Get out, get out, get out. - No!
This is not a group famous for remaining calm
and making rational decisions.
No kidding. Her, she's just screaming bloody murder.
I'll tell you what she needs.
- She needs a bottle of water, - Yeah.
she needs a couple flushable wipes.
Maybe a little Neosporin, a little ointment.
- Yeah. - A little bit of support.
Yeah, a little bit of support, a little bit of,
"Hey it's gonna to be okay,
just stay over there, just, just breathe."
"You know what, I'm with you through this.
But don't touch me or look at me."
"I'm here, I'm here-
I'm here."
Oh my God.
Jason vibes.
Is that the guy they burned?
- It is. - Sure is, sure is.
- Oh, no! No, no, no. - Ahhh!
- Stop, stop, no. - Ahhh!
Okay, listen. I...
She said, "You know what?
There's a horrible disease, people's skin is falling off,
I'm gonna shave."
Ain't no woman, ever,
have this running through their head,
in this situation.
These kids are rotten.
Yeah, girl.
It's in the water.
It's in the (beep) water, don't drink the water.
Oh, that's right, the hillbillies are after him.
- You missed. - Shut your pie hole!
Let me just say this, country people, we're not all bad.
- Yeah. - But most of us are exactly like this.
- Most of, most of- - This is a documentary film.
Go!
Well...
That was disgusting.
That was gruesome.
That was grizzly.
You know what, "Girl, get out of there."
But also, you got the disease you don't wanna go spread it,
stay there, you know?
Yeah. Maybe, yeah "Girl, stay in there."
Yeah. “Girl”, this is, "Girl, stay in there."
Yeah.
I would say on a normal basis,
I probably watch one horror movie a week.
But during Halloween time, I'm up to about seven or eight.
And the great thing about horror movies is, too,
every time October comes around
you just watch all the ones you've seen before.
Yeah. Revisit.
Well, there's a lot of wonderful options here.
If you like viruses, paranoia and lots of blood,
you could watch Cabin Fever.
If you like creepy masked home intruders,
then you can watch Hush.
If you like Jennifer Lawrence or Elisabeth Shue period,
you can watch, The House at the End of the Street.
- Oh, Patrick Wilson... - Patrick Wilson,
head crushing.
In the Tall Grass.
And if you love shenanigans, tomfoolery, madness,
chaos, drama, confusion, and Satanism,
you can watch, We Summon the Darkness.
These films are now streaming on Netflix.
Boo!