[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
[Goat screaming in pleasure]
[Eagle screech]
[More sounds of nature]
[Sounds of fowl]
FARMER: Oh God no, my marijuana patch!
Ah-ah-I mean, er...
Ah-ah-I mean, er... my carrot patch!
Yeah...
'I better do what any sensible middle American would do in this situation...'
'GET MAH GUN!'
SPACE POD: Hello, and welcome to Earth!
With open bar.
FARMER: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeh--!
Er-- no! I-it's an alien!
HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!
RADITZ: Finally, on this DEAD PLAN--
w-wait, what the crap?
Did Kakarot screw this up?!
Oh goddammit, I knew we should have sent Turles.
FARMER: 'Better think of something cool to say to make him stop.'
HEY, YOU!
'Heh. Genius, farmer. *Genius*!'
RADITZ: Aw, look at him! He thinks he's people!
What's your power level, little human?
Five, huh?
FARMER: PROTECT ME, GUN!
RADITZ: Hey! No! Bad human!
FARMER: GAH! But I voted for Bush!
RADITZ: Bad!
Now get back up and tell me you're sorry.
Human?
Huuuuman?
(Sigh)... so this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule.
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" (original DBZ theme) ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
PICCOLO: Good old wasteland!
Yup. Sure is some kickass training!
Damn it, I'm lonely...
Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace...
Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace... no new comments...
Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace... no new comments... no friend requests...
Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace... no new comments... no friend requests... damn it.
Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
RADITZ: HEY! YOU!
PICCOLO: What the hell?
RADITZ: ARE YOU KAKAROT? SERIOUSLY, IF YOU ARE, STAY STILL!
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT KILLING AND SELLING THIS PLANET! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!
Oh, wait a second. You're not Kakarot. My bad!
PICCOLO: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban.
Oh yeah, I must look like *so* many other people.
RADITZ: Oh, a smartass huh? I don't appreciate smartasses.
Prepare yourself for my signature attack!
DOUBLE SUN--!
???: No.
RADITZ: Eh, huh?
VEGETA3986: Gimme the mic!
LANIPATOR: What? N-no! Come on, man!
LANIPATOR: What? N-no! Come on, man! VEGETA3986: Gimme--! Gimme me the mic!
VEGETA3986: Gimme--! Gimme me the mic!
LANIPATOR: But that's the real attack na--!
VEGETA3986: No, it isn't!
LANIPATOR: Fine. Here. Take it.
I'll just go practice my Vegeta.
*Ass*.
RADITZ: Then prepare yourself for my signature attack.
Keep your eye ON THE BIR--!
[Scouter beeps]
Ooh! A higher power level.
PICCOLO: Hey! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?
RADITZ: Ah. There we go.
Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are--
...d'ah, screw it I'll just go and check.
PICCOLO: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway.
Right, Tom?
[Bulma's ship radio is playing "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"]
BULMA: Hey, I'm here!
KRILLIN: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!
Hi.
BULMA: Oooookaayyyy...
how's it going?
ROSHI: I'm drinking OJ!
{DING}
Now it's apple juice!
{DING}
Now it's beer! Yay, beer!
{GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP}
KRILLIN: So, where's Yamcha?
BULMA: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
KRILLIN: Why do you say that?
[Flashback] YAMCHA: BULMA! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOK LI--!
Oh OK, it's totally what it looks like.
Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert.
Oh, and have you changed Puar's litter box yet?
PUAR: I make boom-boom!
[Flashback ends]
KRILLIN: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char--
So, you're single then?
GOKU: Hey, guys!
BULMA: Goku! KRILLIN: TAIL-- uh, wait, what?
GOKU: Ha ha ha ha!
BULMA: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
KRILLIN: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods
when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
GOKU: Uh, OK...
This is actually my son.
[Dramatic sting]
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: What a twist!
BULMA: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally... you know...
GOKU: Know what?
ROSHI: You know...
ROSHI: You know... "bow-chicka-wow-wow"!
GOKU: What're those noises you're makin'?
ROSHI [terrified]: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!' BULMA [terrified]: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!'
KRILLIN: So when's the little guy gonna start training?
GOKU: Actually, Chi-Chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be...
what's it called?
KRILLIN: A productive and responsible member of society?
GOKU: Yeah, lame! That's it!
Hey son, come here! Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things...
BULMA: Hey, is that a Dragon Ball on his head?
Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains who might want them?
GOKU: Aw, come on! I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who--
HOLY BLACK ON A POPO, WHAT IS *THAT*!?
ROSHI: What's wrong?
GOKU: I just felt a power level bigger than...
GOKU: I just felt a power level bigger than... than...
GOKU: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Krillin's losing streak!
[Dramatic sting]
KRILLIN: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy.
GOKU: 'He's... getting closer...'
[Dramatic sting]
KRILLIN: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi--?
Oh son of a--
RADITZ: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you... Kakarot.
[Goku gasps] RADITZ: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you... Kakarot.
RADITZ: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you... Kakarot.
GOKU: What?
RADITZ: That's right. That's your name.
GOKU: What?
RADITZ: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.
GOKU: What?
RADITZ: You... hit your head as a child, didn't you?
{THWACK}
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: Oh for God's sakes, listen!
You were sent here as a child to take over the planet,
you're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the "Saiyans",
and to top off this expositional onslaught...
I...
I... am your BROTHER!
{DUN}
{DUN DUN}
{DUN DUN DUN}
{DUN DUN DUN DUN}
{DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN}
KRILLIN: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right?
...Right?
{SMACK} KRILLIN: WAH-AH-AH-AH-AH!
GUH-hah!
[K.O.C ding]
What did I say...?
GOKU: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!
RADITZ: Why?
GOKU: Because you're breaking Kame House!
KRILLIN: Yeah... stop breaking Kame House...
GOKU: So, what're you here for? The Dragon Balls?
RADITZ: The... the Dragon's *what*?
GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know?
There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want... like immortality?
OOLONG: Or Bulma's panties.
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you hear that?
VEGETA: Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!
NAPPA: Yeah, we're gonna get panties!
...I mean immortality.
Immortality's what I meant. Right, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Just get in the damn pod.
RADITZ: No. I'm here for *you*, Kakarot.
GOKU: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?
RADITZ: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit
to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.
GOKU: Oh... Well, uh... I sorta like people here.
So with all due respect--
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHHHH--
GOHAN: Daddy!
RADITZ: I'll be taking *this*.
Yoink!
GOKU: Quick! Somebody stop him!
[Crickets chirping]
Dammit, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Hey, I was bitch slapped through a house! What's your excuse?!
GOKU: I was kneed in the *stomach*!
[Krillin gasps] PICCOLO: You guys are pathetic!
[Goku and Bulma gasp] [Dramatic sting]
What?
GOKU: Aw, geez...!
Hey look, I know you totally want to kill me and all, but... today's kind of a bad day.
* My brother just showed up
* My brother just showed up * Turns out I'm an alien
* My brother just showed up * Turns out I'm an alien * He stole my kid
PICCOLO: Oh yeah, I was watching that, that was *priceless*!
HUHUHAHA,
HUHUHAHA, AHAHA,
HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,
HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AH,
HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AH, AHA,
HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AH, AHA, UH--
Sorry for your loss.
GOKU: Yeah, anyway... wanna help me get him back?
PICCOLO: Whyyyyyy...?
GOKU: I'll friend you on MySpace...
PICCOLO: 'Tom, you've been replaced!'
{BOING}
{BOIOIOIOIOIOINNG}
ROSHI: Now, it's a Nestlé Crunch bar!
{DING}
Now, it's a gummy bear!
{DING}
Now, it's Nappa!
NAPPA: Wait, what the hell?!