- Please welcome my friend Diane Keaton.
[Taylor Swift's "Style" plays] [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
- Well, I feel a little bit insane today.
- Why? Well, here, have some wine.
- Can I talk about-- [audience laughter]
Oh, my God-- - Do you remember any
of those performances that you--
- I love you for this. - I love you.
- Because I had a root canal yesterday--didn't go well.
- Oh, no. That's horrible.
- Do you feel bad for me? - I do, I do.
- Not fun. - No, I can't imagine.
- But this is. [audience laughter]
- That's fun.
- Oh, I'm so happy you thought of me.
- Well, this is your wine. - Oh, that's right, that's it.
- She has her own wine, called The Keaton,
and you can buy it and drink it and have--
[cheers and applause]
The Keaton. [cheers and applause]
- I know. - Which--
- No, really, but let me say something.
I have to interject. - Okay.
- Because there's-- because of you.
And that makes me think about you.
And, you know, I really like you.
- I like you. - You know, and I think
that that was really nice of you to introduce the idea
and the concept of drinking on, you know, your show.
And I just was so thrilled with this possibility
because of you.
And so I want to share many cases with you.
and I hope that you'll invite me to have some of my wine
at your house soon.
Because, you know, I feel kind of hurt
that you haven't invited me over more frequently.
- I do invite you over. - You didn't invite me.
- I have--I haven't-- you've been to my house before
when we have a party--that's how often I have a party.
- Well, maybe I forgot, because was I drinking?
- No, you remember being there. - Was I there? Was I drinking?
- You may--it was daytime, I'm not sure.
[audience laughter]
But this was-- - No, I love you for this.
Thank you, because you know, look at that thing.
It's real. Yeah. - It's real, because--
Well, when you came on the show,
I know you get nervous doing shows like this,
- Yeah, I do. I'm nervous now.
- So, well, drink, and-- [audience laughter]
And you like to drink wine on ice.
I don't know if people like to do that.
Does anybody else like drinking wine on ice?
- Oh, it's so good. [cheers and applause]
- Okay, so--
So we started calling it "the Keaton,"
and then all of a sudden-- - You did, yeah.
- Why didn't you put your face on it?
Why just "The Keaton"?
- Don't you think the polka dots are better than my face?
- I think it's a great label,
and you designed the label, right?
- There's the polka dots. That's better than my head.
Don't you agree? But I like the name there.
That's my name, I'm pretty sure.
- Yeah, that is--
Well, it could be Michael Keaton, but it's not.
Yeah. - It's true.
- Are you excited that it's Bieber Week?
- Oh, yeah. [audience laughter]
I like that boy. - Yeah.
He's a man now. He's 21.
- Even better. - Yeah.
[audience laughter]
Better for me. - He's very--
[audience catcalls] - Whoo!
Okay, that is not possible. I am not seeing that.
That is gorgeous. - Yeah.
- Wow! I mean, okay.
Now we're talking. - I know.
He's good-looking.
Do you think he'd go on a-- [audience catcalls]
Oh, yeah. - Look at that.
- [gasps] Oh, no. Oh, no, stop it.
[audience laughter]
That's not possible, right?
- I made a turtleneck for you, because I know you're a fan.
- Oh! Look at that! That's so great!
- Then you can be a Belieber. - I can, I can be a--
- That's what you're called, if you're a--
I think I have one more, an "I heart Bieber"--
So depending on the mood-- - Oh, my God, okay?
- Just casual, for around the house.
- Yeah, I can wear that. - Wear this
when I invite you over next time.
- I would like to, actually, okay.
- Good. - Thank you, Ellen.
This is really fabulous. - Would that be the youngest,
if you went out with him?
Are you a cougar? Do you consider yourself a cougar?
- Well, I'd like to, but, you know,
I haven't had the opportunity, except when I have a job.
When I have a job, then what happens is
that they--you know, they have to kiss me sometimes.
We've discussed this many times. - Right.
But, when I don't have a job, nobody--uh oh.
Did you see some--no! Oh, my God, no!
Oh, no! Oh, no! [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[protesting indistinctly] [cheers and applause]
Oh! [cheers and applause]
- How are you? [cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
- You're so great. Thank you. [cheers and applause]
Whoo! [cheers and applause]
- [talking indistinctly] - Yeah, yeah, do, okay.
Really nice meeting you! Bye! Bye!
[cheers and applause]
Oh, my God. Okay, let's get real, here.
I mean, is he-- that's real beauty.
- Yeah. [audience laughter]
- We didn't--we did not ask him to do that.
We didn't know he was going to do--
- Oh, my God, now I'm shaking. - He's getting ready
to go do the concert, and--
- Do you think he'll ask me out later?
[audience laughter]
- Here, have some more wine. - Thank you.
[audience laughter]
I don't know, he's pretty busy. He's got--
- He's busy with other people? - Yeah.
- Well, I don't know. I don't know that.
But he's got lots of-- - You mean he might
favor someone more than me?
- I don't know that. But he--
- Do you think I have a chance? Let's get real.
[audience laughter]