let's look at some religious action
specifically let's look at the laziest
most ludicrous jumbled junk piles the
kids have ever had to roll their eyes
through whether it be religious Lego
movies or just abysmal video bring Kuato
style animation I'm always ready to go
too but I look down I pity the kids who
had to put up with these catastrophes
growing up so let's check out the top 6
worst religious animated movies and
while I'm personally not a religious
person I do understand that these movies
might mean a lot more to you than they
do to me keep in mind it's just my silly
personal opinion and hopefully we can
all just have some fun with some lousy
animation anyway on to the countdown
number 6 the Ten Commandments well blow
the man down me hearties it's a Moses
movie because we've never seen that
before God has commanded it let my
people go seriously why would you even
bother trying to make another Moses
movie after DreamWorks is Prince of
Egypt in 1998 like you should've just
stacked up your Bibles and trudged back
to Sunday school after seeing that thing
was even made what let's pull out a good
old animated movie abomination checklist
do we have creepy cheap 2000s animation
models with no apparent personality and
effort whatsoever yeah that's a check
alright
oh they're even kind of horrifying when
you see them up close that's a double
check do we have a tedious barely
comprehensible story with the richness
of a stale slab of rye yeah that's a
check do we have hammy overzealous voice
acting worthy of a golden ham award I
kill anyone who bucked Pharaoh's law Oh
wonderful I'm dreading the sermon
already but what can we learn from this
Ten Commandments movie
thou shalt not cast Christian Slater as
Moses we wouldn't want you to have a
stomachache now with me
he plays our heroine Moses with a
humdrum enough performance to make you
question how he ever worked outside a
bus terminal
he sounds like a nasally version of Bing
bong from inside out I look like a lot
of people fortunately he did later find
a more suitable role in my lower
Murphy's Law and Jesus in the Passion
lego movie you've heard the story before
but for the two people that haven't a
hero is Moses and he grows up with
Pharaoh Pharaoh's a big jerk to his
people so the big guy himself goes on a
genocidal rampage to teach him a lesson
he sends them locusts frogs darkness
boils rain it's just just a bloody mess
the slaves and Moses are off across the
desert but Pharaoh says yeah and Azzam
begins up getting dumped in the ocean by
the big guy
then we watch Moses get frustrated at
his people because they need to eat and
drink over years in a desert how dare
they and on the subject of the big guy
Elliott Gould is hideously miscast as
the big guys voice it sounds more like
dogs now Hal 9000 from a Space Odyssey
do you know my words my children I'm
sorry Dave I'm afraid I can't do that
it probably would have been better to
call it ugly Moses actually it probably
would have been better to incinerate
this film books up his remains and dump
them in the ocean realise he loves you
that's why he's about to brutally murder
and incinerate you for doubting him
after he made you walk starving and
dehydrated for years for deserts yeah
that's a kind God
you're not gonna make this an easy list
are you number five Noah's up by
enchanted tales oh yes my friends this
is a thing and my world needed this our
buddy Noah singing hip hop
did you know Noah could sing no it was a
hip hop King man oh boy this animation
just really says it all doesn't it we're
at jet lag level toilet seat tentacley
no animation here to start with the
colors are just blaring oversaturated
ugliness and where is all the flooding I
may not personally like the Bible
stories but the title Noah's Ark
promises me carnage vengeful deities
flooding the world to slaughter their
people if you're gonna force kids to
hear these stories don't you show them a
bunch of dancing animals at least tell
them the full story of what the God
you're telling them to worship did all
I'm getting here is happy chappy animals
belting out songs on how I need to
believe in the gospel and even on the
occasions Noah does show up it's mostly
to shake a jolly jig as the animals
proclaim how they believe this Noah's
Ark movie is so incompetent that it
doesn't even manage to accurately tell
the story of Noah's Ark by Old Town and
believe it or not that title actually
has more effort and creativity put into
it than the movie itself
imagine if video bring quad or somehow
got even more lazy then they got a
religious agenda instead of just the
agenda of scamming grandmothers are you
ready for our next adventure in Bible
town I know we're ready
these aren't children we're looking at
the creepy drones programmed purely to
serve and worship their deity I could do
a 30-minute commentary on this first
five minutes alone I was so excited to
head the Bible town today I couldn't
fall asleep
night really bible town was that
fascinating to you my mom warmed me up a
glass of milk and read me a Bible story
then I could these children are just
creepily dead inside
totally but then after ten minutes they
just say screw it who needs animation
and then they just start showing us
random Bible stills that don't even suit
what they're saying half the time
totally they don't even try to lip-sync
these guys isn't it awesome so are you
gonna tell me what we're up to today I
can't wait to hear all about it we're
going to Bible town oh thanks but I'm
actually a secular humanist
not anymore you're one of us now join us
in bible town and it just goes on like
this for ninety minutes this isn't even
biblically accurate why are we showing
Jebus during the first Adam and Eve
stage I haven't fully bred the Bible
since I was nine and even I know Jesus
probably didn't show up till 33 BC and
didn't you know Jesus lived in a yellow
submarine
I love how when we talk about slaying
children we using bright and colorful
happy looking images with hearts all
over the place in fact the voice
actually sounds kind of happy about
murdering them take the young child to
destroy him and finally we get to the
promised land
Mary Bible town and it's it's it's a
small farm no wait now it's a cat themed
Candyland town Bible town everyone I
could go on but I think you've seen
enough now to know that Bible town is a
creepy smeared mess of animation with no
apparent efforts character or
originality whatsoever
totally and the third-worst religious
animated movie is the Lion of Judah oh
we're really going this route aren't we
by 15 seconds into the trailer I already
loathe Judah with a fury of a thousand
suns and was hoping the pig was on its
way to the deli counter
you may have also noticed the churning
in your stomach just by looking at some
of these faces what is this five days at
Freddy's
seriously though Lynch would be proud
his influence lives on in these
second-rate animated religious films
shooter is one of those animals with
boundless annoying energy the only happy
and excited for the sake of being happy
and excited I guess the animals will
feel like they're pandering to the kids
and it just feels like a sad grab for
attention so the story is due to the
lamb is trying not to get sacrifice
since Jesus just got crucified a week
ago and hasn't pulled off as a
reappearing act yet and everyone's
really into sacrificing lambs around
this time of year I guess the sad part
is this is about the highest budget
animated film the American faith-based
market guess I may not agree with the
deities they worship but that doesn't
mean I want their kids to get garbage
like this whatever one person wrote the
description describes the movie is a
heartwarming account of the Easter story
as seen through the eyes of a lovable
pig a faint-hearted horse and an
adorable lamb in reality you're looking
at a set of characters so recycled in
generica they probably have
environmentally friendly stickers stuck
on their rears but apparently people
liked it and apparently Jesus is their
king of kings so you know Who am I to
judge and the second worst religious
animated movie is the lego passion oh
yes this exists in fact nine versions of
lego Jebus exists and believe it or not
this was my favorite version
maybe I should be annoyed by this but
this is actually far more entertaining
than Mel Gibson's version look the kid
even got tiny details like lego blood on
the lego soul Oh King that's what you
are please born chief priest tell me you
claim to be sure it may be the dodgiest
stop-motion I've ever reviewed but I
still would much rather see this young
man's work become massively popular in
theaters than the original passion how
can people call spongebob a bad
influence compared to this stuff it may
be silly but damn this young man has put
some heart into making this this guy
tells a story like it happened no happy
chappy holy music no overly dramatic
close-ups of Jesus crying out with
overbearing choir music Jebus simply
gets up has a terrible day but then does
his reappearing trick a couple of days
later ah and before we check out number
one I just wanted to a quick honorable
mention the legend of Buddha hell yeah
finally a story about Siddhartha the
Buddha is awesome
sure the animations plasticky and the
English dub is pretty short but it's
actually a reasonably good retelling of
the buddha's journey it's friendly
colorful and gets its story across and
not filled with singsong hymns to try
and force believeing into the kids minds
it's like they actually want the kids to
decide for themselves this one's okay
it's on YouTube and I've left a link in
the description if you're curious anyway
ons number one and the number one worst
religious animated movie is the Prince
of Egypt by dingo pictures
[Music]
oh boy dingo pictures the 2d equivalents
of video bring quando attempted a Bible
movie and this is by far the most
disjointed story the ugliest choppy us
animation just the most broken movie on
this list so we start the story off
strong with a snake and erasing a snake
narrating the religious tale because
there's no like the snakes ever done
anything that might not make it a good
storyteller for the Bible good job dingo
good job lip-syncing is of course never
considered the mouth movements just open
and closed randomly for maybe 5 frames
the voice acting is broken Engrish
barely ever makes sense but lo and
behold we do get to meet the big guy
himself in this movie and God talks like
a broken gramophone robot it actually
kinda sounds like the big guys making
fun of himself when he talks
it's not even biblically accurate I
haven't read the Bible since I was 9 and
even I know that's not a pasar festival
there's a Passover and there's tons of
other story inconsistencies too so even
its target audiences being insulted it's
like dingo pictures made this to make
fun of religion which is fine I mean I'm
doing that a bit myself but their target
audience is probably not going to
appreciate being made fun of in my
opinion dingoes Prince of Egypt is the
worst religious animated movie that's
ever been released but with a few
exceptions like these I think most
animation companies realize that
teaching kids to be kind people should
always come before religious incentives
for example as VeggieTales has matured
over the years and their audience has
grown to a larger amount of people it
realized it could do far more good in
the
by teaching kids about being a good
friend or just helping others when there
are needs that's it that's all you need
to do
that's my hope anyway that most
religious groups will prioritize
teaching kindness to others over making
sure their kids believe the same things
they do whatever you choose to believe
make sure it's a belief that you
personally chose and not chosen for you
by someone else and knowing is half the
battle