>> James: IF YOU HAD TO NAME A BAND USING ONLY AN ADD JECTDIVE
AND A BODY PART, WHAT WOULD YOU GO FOR?
>> CAV EARNOUS [BLEEP] ARE WE ALLOWED TO SAY [BLEEP],.
>> James: NO, YOU'RE NOT, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY BUTT AND
LATER ON YOU WERE ALLOWED TO SAY HOLE, BUT IF WERE YOU JOINED TO
JOIN THOSE TOGETHER ONE WOULD BE BEEPED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY BEEP, THE BUTT OR THE [BLEEP].
>> AMAZESLY I'M PRETTY SURE YOU CAN SAY BUTT [BLEEP], YOU CANNOT
SAY ASS [BLEEP]. >> I THINK ARE YOU WRONG, I
THINK IT IS THE SAME [BLEEP] THEY BLEEP HOLE.
>> James: LOOK, I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO TO TALK
LIKE THIS WITTY BANTER, REPARTEE, NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME
HAPPIER, POUR A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND REALLY CATCH UP.
YOU KNOW WHY WE CAN'T? BECAUSE AMERICA, AMERICA, UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA ARE WAITING FOR THIS.
IT'S THE NEWS. PLACE
(APPLAUSE) EARLIER TODAY PRESIDENT BIDEN
ANNOUNCED A NEW PLAN TO COMBAT HIGH GAS PRICES.
BIDEN HAS ORDERED THE RELEASE OF A RECORD ONE-MILLION BARRELS OF
OIL FROM THE NATIONAL STRATEGIC RESERVE PER DAY, FOR THE NEXT
SIX MONTHS. THAT'S A LOT OF OIL.
THAT'S A LOT OF OIL. YOU JUST KNOW BIDEN CAME OUT
TO MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT SAYING TO HIMSELF...
"JUST DON'T SAY BUTTLOAD, DON'T SAY BUTTLOAD..."
ARE WE ALLOWED TO SAY BUTT LOAD. >> ARE YOU AW LAWED TO SAY BUTT
LOAD AND QUU SAY ASS LOAD. >> James: CAN SAY ASS LOAD.
>> YEAH. >> James: BUT YOU CAN'T SAY
[BLEEP]. THIS IS THE
THIS IS THE THIRD TIME BIDEN HAS TAPPED THE RESERVES,
BUT HE INSISTS THEY'RE NOT DATING OR ANYTHING.
IT'S STRICTLY CASUAL. BIDEN IS TAPPING THE STRATEGIC
RESERVES. I LOVE THAT PHRASE.
TAPPING THE STRATEGIC RESERVES. SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW SAYS WHEN HE POURS HIS SECOND
SCOTCH OF THE NIGHT. AND THE HOUSE PANEL
INVESTIGATING THE JANUARY 6 RIOTS SAY THEY ARE CONSIDERING
ISSUING A SUBPOENA OF DONALD TRUMP'S PERSONAL PHONE RECORDS
TO HELP FILL IN A GAP IN THE WHITE HOUSE PHONE LOGS
FROM THAT DAY. I'M SURE IF THEY JUST ASKED
NICELY, HE'D HAND THEM OVER. HE SEEMS REASONABLE.
ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF. BUT YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
HEARD THEM, THEY'RE BRINGING OUT THE
BIG GUNS. THEY'RE WEIGHING A CONSIDERATION
TO POTENTIALLY ISSUE AN IGNORABLE SUBPOENA.
WHY DO WE EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS. STOP TELLING US WHEN YOU'RE
"CONSIDERING" SOMETHING! JUST TELL US WHEN IT'S DONE.
THEY'RE LIKE THAT FRIEND WHO'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT
HOW THEY'RE THINKING OF GETTING BANGS.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JUST SHOW UP WHEN YOU
HAVE BANGS AND WE'LL ALL BE VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.
IAN, SHOULD I GET BANGS? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET BANGS.
>> YOU KNOW MY FIRST INSTINCT SAYS NO BUT NOW I'M LOOKING AT
YOUR FACE, MAYBE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD.
>> James: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
>> YEAH. >> James: I'M GOING TO GET
BANGS. >> YOU HAVE EVER HAD HANG Z.
>> James: YOU'RE GOING TO GO THROUGH YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT
GETTING BANGS. >> James: I'M GOING TO GET
BANGS. >> LIVE YOUR LIFE, WE COULD DIE
TOMORROW, HAVE BANGS. >> James: EXACTLY,IOLO,
HASHTAGIOLO BANGS. >> LET'S SEE THOSE BANGS.
>> James: THERE IT IS. WOW.
>> James: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.
(LAUGHTER) >> James: AND REPUBLICAN
>> WAIT BRFER WE MOVE ON, WE ALSO HAD THEM MAKE THIS, JUST IN
CASE. >> James:
(LAUGHTER) CALIENTE.
>> THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL.
THERE WE GO. >> James: HANG ON, HANG ON,
BRING BACK IAN, THAT IS ABSOLUTELY-- THAT'S EXCEPTIONAL.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SHOULD BE A JUDGE ON THAT SHOW, IS IT CAKE.
(LAUGHTER) LEER'S A STORY.
>> James: AND REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN MADISON CAWTHORN IS
NOW TAKING BACK THE COMMENTS HE MADE ABOUT FELLOW LAWMAKERS
INVITING HIM TO ORGIES AND DOING COCAINE IN HIS PRESENCE.
IN A MEETING WITH HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN MCCARTHY, CAWTHORN
ADMITTED HIS COMMENTS WERE "EXAGGERATED."
HE TALKED A BIG GAME ABOUT COCAINE AND ORGIES, BUT IN
REALITY, IT WAS JUST CLARITIN, AND AN OVER-THE-PANTS HANDY.
(LAUGHTER) HE SOUNDS LIKE ME IN HIGH SCHOOL
TRYING TO CONVINCE MY PARENTS THAT EVERYONE AT THE PARTY WAS
DRINKING EXCEPT ME, "I JUST HAD I JUST HAD A SPRITE BECAUSE I
DIDN'T LIKE THE TASTE OF LIQUOR. FIRST HE SAID ON A PODCAST THAT
THEY DID COCAINE IN FRONT OF HIM.
NOW HE SAYS HE THINKS HE MAY HAVE SEEN A STAFFER IN A PARKING
GARAGE FROM 100 YARDS AWAY. HOW DELUDED
ARE YOU-- TO BE IN A PARKING GARAGE, SEEING SOMEONE LEAN OVER
TO PICK UP THEIR KEYS AND THINKING, "UH OH, LOOKS LIKE
ANOTHER COCAINE ORGY." IN OTHER NEWS, BLUE ORIGIN'S
4TH SPACE TOURISM FLIGHT TOOK PLACE TODAY.
AND UNLIKE THE PREVIOUS TRIPS, THERE WERE NO FAMOUS PEOPLE ON
BOARD JUST FIVE WEALTHY SPACE TOURISTS AND THE SHIP'S
DESIGNER. HE'S THE ROCKET TAKING OFF, TAKE
A LOOK, USUALLY IF YOU WANT TO SEE
SIX RICH PEOPLE ON A PENIS-SHAPED OBJECT, YOU HAVE TO
BE INVITED TO A REPUBLICAN ORGY. (APPLAUSE)
WOULD YOU RATHER ATTEND A REPUBLICAN ORGY OR A DEMOCRATIC
PARTY ORGY? >> A REPUBLICAN ORIGINALLY.
>> IS00%, ANIMALS. >> THEY ARE SO UPTIGHT, THAT
WHEN THEY CUT LOOSE IT'S PROBABLY, I HATE TO SAY T IT'S
PROBABLY A GREAT TIME. >> James: CORRECT.
>> YEAH. >> James: CORRECT.
ANYONE HERE RATHER GO TO A DEMOCRATIC PARTY
ORGY THAN THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY-- REALLY? YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO TO-- YOU
WOULD RATHER GO TO A DEMOCRAT. >> I WOULD RATHER NOT BE A BLACK
PERSON AT A REPUBLICAN ORGY. YEAH.
>> James: I HEAR YOU, MOLLY, I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.
THAT WAS THE FIRST BLUE ORIGIN FLIGHT WITHOUT A FAMOUS CREW
MEMBER. BUT AS THE ANCIENT LOS ANGELES
PROVERB GOES, "IF THERE WERE NO CELEBRITIES INVOLVED,
DID IT EVEN REALLY HAPPEN?" THE FLIGHT MAY NOT HAVE INCLUDED
ANY FAMOUS PEOPLE, BUT IT DID INCLUDE FIVE FUTURE "ABSOLUTELY
UNBEARABLE DINNER GUESTS." "OH, YOU WENT TO HAWAII?
I WENT TO SPACE." AND FINALLY, A COMPANY HAS
JUST RELEASED THE WORLD'S FIRST "TOASTED BASEBALL BAT-FINISHED
WHISKEY." IT'S TRUE, THE WHISKEY
IS AGED FOR SIX YEARS AND THEN IS FINISHED FOR SIX WEEKS
IN BARRELS CONTAINING HALL OF FAMER DAVID ORTIZ'S SIGNATURE
BATS. I KNOW.
I DON'T CARE EITHER. THE WHISKEY IS AGED FOR
SIX YEARS. WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS ALSO
HOW I FEEL AFTER WATCHING A GAME OF BASEBALL.
IT'S ABOUT TIME. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES
I'VE SIPPED AN OLD-FASHIONED AND THOUGHT THIS COULD USE A
LITTLE MORE PINE TAR. AN ALCOHOL MADE USING AN
ATHLETE'S MEMORABILIA. IT'S A LITTLE ODD, BUT I WILL
SAY, IT'S A MUCH BETTER IDEA THAN THIS ONE,
"O.J. SIMPSON'S GLOVE-FLAVORED TEQUILA."
AND THAT'S THE NEWS! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.