- In this video,
I'm gonna show you what happens when you go no contact,
what happens energetically?
Because it completely transforms the energy dynamic.
I'm gonna share with you the benefits
of doing this and why this will completely change your life.
Now what first off is no contact
and why is it so incredibly powerful.
Now, no contact and the no contact rule
is that prior some form of separation
or some form of breakup,
what happens is you completely cut off communication,
which means no text messaging,
no calling, no random incidences or synchronicities
of conveniently running into each other.
No social media likes,
no checking them out on social media
and stalking their stuff.
It means literally pulling back energetically
and not reaching out, not contacting.
Hence the word, no contact.
Now this is something that when you apply
in the energy dynamic,
after a breakup or after some form of separation,
changes everything, because what it does
and what it allows each individual person to do
is to be in their own energy.
Now, normally when one person, normally it's one person,
but sometimes it can be both people.
They may decide to separate or to have space.
Normally it's one person
also that wants more space than the other then the other.
Then the other person wants to feel connected
to that person or doesn't want to completely lose contact.
So what they do is they reach out, they contact them.
They like them on their stuff
on social media to show that they're still around.
But what that other person really wants
is they want energetic space.
And the thing is energetically,
if someone continues to contact the person,
they're not giving that energetic space
and not only are they not giving that person's space,
but even by thinking of somebody else,
there is an energy field.
There is a projection of energy that is happening.
I know this is a little bit more esoteric.
However, what ends up happening is when somebody is thinking
of somebody else based on what that person is feeling,
that energy is then being projected
at the person that they're thinking about.
Now, the thing is, is if somebody is feeling lack,
if somebody is feeling like this person hasn't come around,
I really want this person to acknowledge me.
I really want this person
to like me or to have that energy,
then what ends up happening is there's a feeling
of lack that is being projected
at the person that wants space.
Now, this is why even more powerful
than just going no contact.
What I would recommend is actually pulling your energy back
and actually not even thinking about the person,
which might be kind of hard to do
in the beginning of a breakup or a separation.
But what the key to this whole entire
like transformative process is,
'cause this actually, not only works
for your own magnetic energy,
but it allows you to actually heal.
And normally people don't actually do the no contact
because they secretly don't wanna really move on.
They don't really want to heal.
And it's prolonging.
It's almost like an excuse and a distraction
from somebody going through their own healing,
from someone actually energetic letting go.
Now energetically letting go is actually
the best thing that you can do,
because when you energetically let go
you let go of also the resistance.
The resistance may have been what was clogging
up the relationship, clogging up the dynamic,
the wanting either their validation or approval.
And remember wanting means lack.
So wanting is being projected at this person.
They're feeling it and they want space.
Now what will happen is if you completely go no contact
and also you really energetically pull
your energy back, by focusing on you,
this is a great time to focus on your own values.
This is a great time to focus on your own group of friends.
This is a great time to focus
on your own life, your purpose, your mission,
how you're showing up in the world.
As you focus more on the self versus other,
that will allow you to develop that energy
that is way more magnetic.
Because a lot of times what happens is from childhood,
we had certain childhood dynamic experiences
where we maybe felt not chosen.
Maybe we felt like we attracted people
that weren't interested
and that that in our life now is normally a reflection
of inner childhood stuff that happened.
And it feels familiar.
So what makes it hard to go
no contact is there's almost an addictive quality
to the old familiar energy
and trying to prove to mom and dad that you're worthy.
And now we're trying to prove it
to the person we're dating that we're actually worthy.
And it's distracting us from ourselves.
The interesting thing is the wound
that is active is what is it called?
An abandonment wound.
Mom and dad physically or emotionally abandoned us as kids,
that may have been what happened.
And then what happens is we attract people
that reflect back that abandonment wound,
that don't choose the relationship
that have this levels of criticisms
that want a lot of space.
And it's a reflection of that same energy,
but realizing that not going no contact is a way
of keeping the childhood energy activated.
Now the abandonment wound, not wanting to be abandoned,
it's almost like by doing that,
we're fighting to not be abandoned
by not doing the no contact rule.
It's like if I continue to talk to them
and I continue to talk them in a certain way
or get them to come around, then I won't be abandoned.
The trouble is, and the challenge,
is that what people do,
to do that, to not be abandoned, to not be rejected,
to like talk somebody into the relationship
or whatever is they abandon themselves.
They abandon themselves to be the way
that this other person wants them to be,
to not be so needy or to pull back whatever.
The key to this is realizing
that the it's the power of coming back to self,
coming back and to not abandon yourself any longer.
The most magnetic thing you could do
is to literally pull back your energy
and to be in the feel safe inside of your own body
and not be addicted to the same childhood dynamics
that were active when you were a kid.
And that actually allows you to heal.
And it allows them.
You see, it's funny, 'cause I'll say it allows you to do it,
but it's like, okay, that's cool.
But what about them?
What about them?
A lot of times the focus will be
on them, them, them, them, and when the focus is on them.
Well, the truth is by actually pulling back your energy,
you allow them to go through
and to get the space that they're actually asking for.
And then it allows them to come to their own conclusions.
They may realize then
through the space that they do appreciate you,
but until you energetically give them that space
they can't come to that conclusion
because even if you're physically not contacting them,
but you're still projecting lots of energy at them.
You still want them in your life.
It's a weird, energetic thing,
but people are literally reflecting back
what we believe to be true.
Reading the book called attached.
And it talks a lot about the different attachment styles.
There's secure attachment,
which is like you can give and receive love easily.
You're able to be intimate,
but you're also able to give someone their space.
There's the lack of neediness there.
You've got anxious attachment, which is people that lean
in to love, want, and normally are like grasping for love.
And then that's called anxious attachment.
And then avoidant attachment is people that keep love
at an arm's length.
When it starts to get too intimate they push away.
And normally they have they have challenges with trusting.
Now the difference between these three
and what will really, I think, change your life,
if you apply, what I share with you right now,
is realizing that basically what happens
with the secure attachment,
is they generally expect
and believe that their partners will love them.
And they don't worry that their partner's going to leave.
And because of that belief system, they feel secure
and they're able to attract somebody and normally
and then they're able to be present with that person.
And it's an energy dynamic that has a nice a nice flow.
The anxious person believes the other person is gonna leave
because mom and dad may be left.
So then they grasp on, they want more connection.
They want to like control it.
And of course that needy energy repels love.
And it makes them say, I want space.
Now, normally as well,
there's something called the anxious avoidant trap,
whereas the anxious person attracts an avoidant.
An avoidant wants to love at arm's length.
Doesn't want too much of the intimacy.
Wants it just close enough,
but not too close.
Now, they believe that it's not safe to have intimacy
because at a certain point in their past, in childhood,
they may have had that intimacy
of that closeness with a parent and then it was broke.
And then they said, I can't trust.
So they feel more safe in their own individual energy.
So normally what happens
is the anxious attracts the avoidant.
The avoidant says I want space.
Now the challenge is that
if the anxious continues to chase the avoidant,
it keeps making them want space.
But when you actually do no contact
and you bring the energy back to self,
it allows them to come around.
And then sometimes what then happens.
And this is where you, you have to be honest,
with the trauma side of this, because if you do that,
what happens is then they feel like,
oh, they have a moment to breathe.
And then once they breathe, all the emotions come back
of how much they like that person
that was anxious or that relationship.
And then they may want it again.
But then what happens is it hooks them back,
hooks the people back into that energy dynamic.
So it's not the answer.
The thing with this is you're not going no contact
to get them back.
You're not going no contact to then
manipulate the situation.
I'd encourage you to go no contact
because the answer is to actually pull your energy back
and to not be addicted
to the old familiar childhood dynamics.
And to really focus on yourself.
I learned from myself even when it comes
to my own masculinity,
that me chasing and doing all that energy
was depolarizing my own masculine energy.
I had to learn to pull my energy back
and to be safe in my own body, in my own frame.
One thing I've talked about in other videos
and I'll just quickly share it
in case you haven't heard it yet,
is this energy practice that you can do with somebody else.
Also an energy thing that happened
at an event that I went to where the person
on the front did some,
she was like a scientist,
did a TED Talk on some type of energy thing.
And basically she said,
everyone in the crowd send me energy right now.
And everyone was sending her energy.
Everyone was sending her energy and she said
it made her back up and is like repelling,
when people are sending someone else energy.
She said, okay,
now everyone in the crowd, bring the energy back
into your body, bring it into your feet
bring it into your hands, bring it back to yourself.
Feel the energy in your body.
As people did that,
she said she could feel magnetized towards them.
So you being in your own body, you being in your own frame,
you living by your own values,
you being in your own friend group,
you focusing on your own passion.
These are all magnetic things.
And the more you're embodied in that way,
the more magnetic you are.
The more you project your energy at somebody else,
believing that they're gonna lead
to your happiness or something.
The more you literally dilute your own energy,
the more it takes away your own from your own field
and your own magnetic quality.
So the answer to all of this is to actually pull them back,
pull not them back, pull your energy back,
pull them as in yourself back,
pull your energy back.
Be safe in your own body.
Be safe in your own frame.
And as you do that, it absolutely changes everything.
Now, if you haven't done, I have an inner child meditation
that helps heal this energy from childhood,
so that you can feel magnetic in your own frame,
in your own body.
We energetically go to Kauai, Hawaii.
We bring forth our inner child and we go through
this powerful activation.
It's one of my most powerful meditations.
It's absolutely free.
You can go to ErinDowdy.com/child, C-H-I-L-D,
because it's a child meditation
or click the link in the description box below.
And that will help you to completely heal
from the inside out.
And one of my most powerful videos is to how
to let them miss you
and how to let the universe work it out.
This is the best, most powerful video to watch
after this video, watch it right here.
When we're attached, what we do is we create
resistance and this resistance is dependent
on how someone else is responding
or not responding to our own energy.