Halloween is around the corner.
Are you excited about that?
[APPLAUSE]
Yep, right around the corner.
It's at the intersection of Not Again Avenue
and I Dread It Every Year Street.
[LAUGHTER]
Each Halloween, I have to dress up on the show.
They snuck it into my contract somehow.
I shouldn't have to dress up for Halloween anymore.
I'm in my mid to late 40s.
I don't need to--
[LAUGHTER]
I don't know what I'm going to be yet,
but I've been doing some research
and it looks like they just do a sexy version of anything.
And I've talked about this before,
but it's really getting out of hand.
Apparently, we're running out of things to make sexy.
Every year, they take a children's character
and then they try to make it-- this
is sexy Bert and Ernie right here.
[LAUGHTER]
They don't really live on Sesame Street,
they just work the corner.
[LAUGHTER]
It's another kid's character they're trying to--
Sexy Mr. Rogers.
Looks more like a Hooters waitress with a tie.
That doesn't even look like Mr. Rogers.
The next one is topical and barely makes sense.
This is sexy fake news.
There's "Fake" right across--
I don't know if it's referring to the news or the--
Last year I showed you this.
This was sexy Dory and I guess it wasn't sexy enough
because now I found this this year.
Yeah, she's wearing fishnets, you get it?
[LAUGHTER]
Fishnets.
It's a fish.
You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them.
So I'm going to sell my own sexy costume this year.
It's not sexy Ellen--
I'm already too sexy for TV--
but someone on my staff.
It's sexy Average Andy and it comes
with a headset and nicotine gum and tighty-whities.
[APPLAUSE]
It's business on top and average party even down below.
Surprise, Andy.
Yeah, it's a great surprise.
Do you like this?
It was a little surprise.
You didn't know that was in the script, did you?
Sure did not.
Aw.