Sup playas? I hope you like R Kelly – cuz this week we mackin jailbait with Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.
Humbert Humbert ain’t yo average horndog. This fool only got eyes
for a special little girls age 9 to fu**in 14, or “nymphets” as he like to call 'em.
See, back when he was a young’un, Humbert had a lil sweet thang with a girl
named Annabel. But since she up and died before he was able to get some, he spendin the rest
of his days lookin for a girl who gonna remind of his first hunny love.
Well lucky for Humbert, he rents a room in the house of Charlotte Haze, who got
herself a 12 year old daughter named Dolores, but Humbert call this tease Lolita.
And he gettin all riled up just thinkin bout this baby dip.
Unfortunately Lolita ain’t the one tryna freak wit him. Charlotte’s old ass, though,
be all up on his nuts like nobody’s bidness. And when Humbert can’t duck her no more,
he decides to marry her so he can stay close to Lolita.
S’all good til one day Charlotte goes sniffin around in Humbert’s diary.
After learning that he can’t stand her stank ass but loves little Lolita,
Charlotte gets all crunk and storms outta the house when BAM – girl gets TOOKEN OUT by a car.
She dead.
So Humbert scoops up Lolita, brings her to a motel, and finds out that this little
girl knows more about freakin than he thought.
Man this nasty y'all.
So they hit the road swangin from spot to spot all round the country.
All the while, Humbert think there be some scrub creepin on em.
Eventually Humbert park it in some hood and sends little Lolita to school,
but when Lolita start talkin wit otha boys and actin all shady, Humbert won’t stop baggin on her.
Outta nowhere, Lolita say they should peace outta town.
On the road, Lolita gets ill and Humbert drops her at the hospital.
But when he return, da nurse tell him “her uncle” already got her. What? She ain’t got no uncle.
Humbert all torn up bout losing Lolita and spends YEARS lookin for her.
One day, he gets a letter from Lolita saying that she married, knocked up, and need some cash.
day, he gets a letter from Lolita saying that she married, knocked up, and need some cash.
So Humbert drops everything and slides over to where she at.
named Clare Quilty, and he was the one creepin on them since back when, but that fool long gone now.
named Clare Quilty, and he was the one who creepin on them since back when. But that
his ass down, he throws her some dough, finds Quilty, and fills his bitch ass with some hot ones.
So Humbert gets thrown in a psych ward, and then the slammer, where he write his memoir.
his ass down, he throws her some dough, finds Quilty, and fills his bitch ass with some
narrators up in this text. Not only is Humby all whacked out in the head, but this fool straight up lies to us.
Real talk or no, this thug’s memoir spillin clean over with literary references and fancy talk.
he writes his memoir.
fly-ass prose and dank jokes, they don’t find the monster they expectin.
Instead, they find a funny, book-smart hood who got his own problems – and a bitch IS one.
Eventually, the reader ends up sympathizing with this crazy mofo.
But that ain’t all Humbert doin by showcasin his verbal skillz.
By spittin all dat fancy descriptive jive bout the world around him, Humbert messes with the reader's
That’s part of what makes this book so damn cray. When homies peep game at Humbert’s
So when you readin this and start questioning what’s normal? Then Humbert
expectin. Instead, they find a funny, book-smart hood who got his own problems- and a bitch
IS one. Eventually, the reader ends up sympathizing with this crazy mofo.
But that ain’t all Humbert doin by showcasin his verbal skillz. By spittin all
even made the reader unreliable. Damn! Ain’t that some sh*t?
head and makes them think bout regular erryday sh*t in a new way.
So when you reading this and start questioning what’s normal?
Then Humbert dun got you by the balls sucka.
Cuz when all dem pretty words pull you into his reality, his whack-ass passions ain’t so whack no mo.
So not only does this book got a narrator who ain’t reliable, but this fool gone and
even made the reader unreliable. Damn! Ain’t that some sh*t!
Peep game at this mythological reference, home boy. In Greek Myth, Nymphs
are often chased by hustlas who can’t keep it in their pants. Take Daphne and Apollo, for instance.
When Daphne was duckin Apollo’s grubby paws, the only way she could escape
is by transforming in to a Laurel Tree.
Turns out, it ain’t no different for nymphets neither.
By the end, Lolita ain’t Lo. Ain’t Lola. Ain’t Dolores. She now Dolly Schiller. And she’s finally free.
Thanks for ballin with me today. Don’t forget to press subscribe, and, as always,
keep it real. Peace.