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DJ: A lot of your YouTube advice videos are, like I said, they are about getting men to
commit.
Why do you think getting men to commit to a relationship is such a massive part of your
coaching?
Mark: Yeah, it's kind of been the trend and it's that question that I get so often from
women and I can very seldom remember getting it from men.
I, I very rarely rumor having men coming to me and say this, this woman won't commit.
It did happen, but it's a question I get a lot more from women.
I think it's a combination of two things, nature and nurture, essentially upbringing
and the way we're built as well.
From a biological standpoint, you know, over the millions of years it made a little more
sense for women to enter commitment more quickly, to sort of tie the guy down.
If, if obviously people were sleeping together, there was a high chance she could be pregnant
quite quickly.
And from that kind of perspective, it made a bit more sense for a woman to go, Hey, I'm,
I'm falling for this person.
I want to be with this person sooner.
But I also think that our upbringing and the way we raise our boys versus girls or have
raised them at least can have a lot of influence on that.
You know, there's, there's, there's different sort of movie heroes that boys look at compared
to girls.
A lot of boys will look at Steve Stiffler or you know, they get told that I'll go out
and have your fun, you know, have your great times and then you can like settle down and
have a family and they almost get communicated this message that well, you do your fun stuff.
And then commitments like after that, whereas more often, and we're seeing this trail away
now fortunately, but more often women might be raised with, well, you know, you grow up
and you can look forward to having a family and you can look forward to being married.
And like that's the fun thing to look forward to.
So boys and girls get these kinds of different messages and there's also, you know, there's
that sort of message that Oh, it's, it's shameful for a woman to be single in X age.
And you never sort of hear those messages towards men.
And I think that can contribute as well.
So it's a bit of nature and a bit of nurture coming into it that I think commitment is,
is more tends to be on the women who comes to me's minds than the men.
DJ: So in some of your advice, you talk about, um, women acknowledging the risk when they're
dating, of being used for sex, but that they don't really consider the risk of being used
for love.
Could you explain that a bit?
Mark: Yeah, yeah.
All this focus gets put on sex and they get a lot of questions around, well, how do I
ensure I'm not being used for sex?
When is the best time to have sex?
And that's obviously really important for health and other reasons.
But there's a couple of other, what I call boyfriend benefits, quote unquote, that women
don't think about a lot that men absolutely value that often get thrown away or thrown
to men as if they're nothing.
The first one is exclusivity, which we've kind of already talked about.
But the second even more important one is love.
You know, that support, that companionship, that energy you bring to a man's life.
You know, that's what men truly value.
That's the thing that men absolutely, it's something they will never, ever be able to
get from their mates.
It's something they can only get that quality woman in their lives.
Um, I meet so many women who say, well, I love him, Mark.
I love him.
You know, how do I make him want me?
For example, I want to say, well, what's he been doing?
And she says, well, he's not texting me.
He's not calling me.
I'm saying, well, why are you throwing your love at someone the most valuable thing that
you have when it's not being reciprocated?
It happens a lot where I see this sort of beautiful gift given to men kind of without
a second thought.
Whereas the sex gets the focus.
And I'm a big believer that men commit for a hell of a lot more than sex.
But your love, your sort of support and companionship, that energy in his life, that's something
that no other woman can bring in the same way as you.
I'm always amazed at how that's often not considered.
DJ: Mark Rosenfeld, thank you so much for joining us in the hookup.
Mark: My pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me.
DJ: That was dating coach for straight women, Mark Rosenfeld on the dynamics of commitment.
Mark: All right, we're done.
That was good fun.
We had triple J nine o'clock in Queensland, 10 o'clock in new South Wales, Victoria, and
I'll put, post the replay as well below the video.
But yeah, hopefully I get to do more of that. What a treat. See you next time.
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