DAN: The fact that we're all friends, and we've sort of
formulated a way to coexist so nicely.
So that's what makes the clubhouse.
It's fun.
We've sort of got our little schedule thing going.
We all know when everybody's starting to get hungry.
We give each other the eye a little bit.
Craig.
Get out the menu book.
We want four veal cutlet heros.
We're going to see what one of these seafood
salads is all about.
STEVE: Craig is our shop assistant at Smith Street.
Craig's sort of a little different from the rest of us.
Craig's very dark, and he's very quiet and sort of morose
and listens to really fucked up dark music.
Craig does everything.
We make Craig do everything.
We can abuse him, and he will not flinch.
DAN: Plus we all need to eat immediately.
All these other guys will tell him, that light bulb's out.
This needs to be dusted.
I'm like, yo, I need that bagel order.
He has no interest in food.
He says that if there was a pill that could sustain his
life, he would just swallow that pill and never eat.
Doesn't like food.
It's the strangest-- it's disturbing.
CRAIG: Can I get three veal cutlet heros?
And can I have sides of mayo for all those?
Yeah, I don't really like eating.
I don't really find any enjoyment in eating.
I'm not a foodie by any means.
DAN: A real dinner usually ensues.
We still do the massage table family style.
We do what we call Tuscan dining, and Craig waits on us.
Hey Craig, are there any IPAs or anything
there in the fridge?
Craig, come look at your worst nightmare over here.
One time, when Craig was a little boy, and he was
swimming in the ocean, one of the fish brushed
up against his leg.
And he's never eaten a piece of seafood since.
See, if that was me, it would be my mission to eat all the
eels in the world after that.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
ELLI: We definitely enjoy busting each other's chops.
Dan and Craig have a lot of squabbles at the shop.
I think he likes to blame Craig for a lot of stuff.
And I think that's when you know he's flustered, is when
he starts yelling at Craig.
DAN: Because he gets snippy.
He does like the whole, get it yourself, thing.
Even though he'll always get it.
He'll just say get it yourself.
And some days I think it's the funniest thing ever.
And some days I'm like, you know
what, Craig, fuck yourself.
Get it right now.
STEVE: It makes him the perfect floor guy.
Because you can just give him so much shit, and he just lets
it roll right off his back.
And it'll be very hard to replace Craig.
Craig is a great shop assistant.
I think as shop assistants go, I feel like a lot of shops
make their assistants do nothing.
And I'm like, what the fuck are you getting paid for?
DAN: Most floor guys are bumbling.
If someone comes up to the counter, and is like, how much
for this tattoo?
And they're like, [STAMMERING].
They don't even know what to say.
They're like, uh.
They get all nervous and shit.
Whereas Craig's like cool, calm.
He's like the minimum is $100.
He just handles it every time.
I met Craig for the first time at a Pratt party.
He was visiting from Buffalo.
Craig has a decent amount of my tattooing.
When he first started visiting me in New Jersey, he'd always
bring me these biblical engravings, like Saint Peter
being crucified upside down.
There's this old wood cut, kind of thing, of old scribe
drawing in a book.
And the book said something about hate humanity, something
or another, real misanthropic stuff.
So when he first started getting tattooed by me, he
just wanted these real metal style biblical engravings.
So he's got a lot of that stuff on his forearms.
And then he started to realize that you can make a tattoo
look like a tattoo, but it can still be brutal.
That's when I started doing some of the
bigger stuff on him.
We did the back piece.
The back piece is a depiction of Snakeland, which are these
abandoned grain silos in Buffalo.
It's kind of a metal icon.
And there's a lot of satanic stuff.
And luckily Craig lived right down the street.
He grew up in there.
He crucified a deer in the place.
The deer was dead.
But he crucified a deer, among some other things.
So Craig needed to have that on his back, as sort of an
homage to his childhood, and to Satan.
Craig's not a killer.
He's not a murderer.
He's just a fucking weirdo.
Yeah, he's just bad.