( LAUGHTER ) YESTERDAY-- YESTERDAY?
YESTERDAY WAS PRIMARY DAY IN TEXAS, AND THE DEMOCRATS ARE
PUMPED.
DEM TURNOUT TOPPED ONE MILLION IN A MIDTERM PRIMARY FOR THE
FIRST TIME SINCE 2002, AND AMONG
AMONGST-- THE WINNERS WAS DEMOCRAT BETO O'ROURKE, WHO IS
NOW SET TO TAKE ON REPUBLICAN SENATOR TED CRUZ.
NOW, YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF BETO O'ROURKE, BUT NO CANDIDATE
GETS VOTERS MORE EXCITED THAN "NOT TED CRUZ."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND I HEAR NOT TED CRUZ-- I HEAR NOT TED CRUZ IS NOT STRONG THIS
YEAR.
AND TEXAS MIGHT BE FEELING THE BETO-MENTUM, BECAUSE SO FAR THIS
YEAR, O'ROURKE OUTRAISED TED CRUZ BY $1.5 MILLION.
AND THAT HAS GOTTEN TED CRUZ SERIOUS ABOUT THIS RACE, SO
SERIOUS, HE RELEASE AID NOVELTY SONG.
YEAH, THEY DON'T CALL HIM "WEIRD TED CRUZ" FOR NOTHING.
THEY CALL HIM THAT BECAUSE HE'S WEIRD.
WELL, I'VE STALLED LONG ENOUGH AND I HATE MY EARS, SO LET'S
LISTEN TO IT.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT WAS UNLIKABLE, NOT GOOD, AND I
DON'T LIKE IT.
( LAUGHTER ) REALLY MAKES YOU THINK OF TED
CRUZ.
NOW, LET'S BREAK IT DOWN FOR A SECOND.
THE SONG GOES AFTER O'ROURKE FOR HIS NAME, "BETO," WHICH IS A
LATINO NICKNAME FOR ROBERT.
BUT, AS CHRIS CUOMO POINTED OUT, TED CRUZ SHOULDN'T BE GOING
AFTER PEOPLE FOR CHANGING THEIR NAME.
>> THE AD-- YOU GO AFTER BETO FOR HIS NAME.
BETO IS, OBVIOUSLY, A NICKNAME.
WHY?
YOU KNOW, LOOK, YOUR NAME IS RAPHAEL.
YOU KNOW, YOU GO BY TED.
YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS EDWARD.
THAT'S AN ANGLICIZED VERSION OF IT.
HE WENT THE OTHER WAY AND HAS A MORE ETHNIC VERSION OF HIS NAME.
WHY GO AFTER HIM?
YOU BOTH ARE DOING THE SAME THING.
>> IN TERMS OF THE JINGLE, SOME OF IT IS JUST HAVE A SENSE OF
HUMOR.
>> Stephen: "SOME OF IT IS JUST HAVE A SINCE OF HUMOR.
THE REST OF IT IS JUST AWFUL."
BUT THE BIGGEST CRIME OF THIS SONG ISN'T THE HYPOCRISY OR THE
LYRICS.
IT'S IN THAT FIRST LINE: ♪ IF YOU'RE GOING TO RUN
IN TEXAS YOU CAN'T BE A LIBERAL, MAN
♪ 'CAUSE LIBERAL THOUGHT IS NOT THE SPIRIT
OF A LONE STAR MAN ♪ >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T RHYME
"MAN" WITH "MAN," YOU MONSTER!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HAVE YOU NO SHAME.
>> Jon: HE SHOULD HAVE SAID "LAND" OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU NO SHAME!
THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS!
BRAN AND DAN SAILED A CATAMARAN TO TURKMENISTAN.
IN FACT, I WROTE A SONG WITH SOME ADVICE FOR THE CRUZ
CAMPAIGN.
HIT IT, JON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT.
REESE WITHERSPOON IS HERE.
SO IS ADAM RIPPON.