Alcoholics of Reddit...How/when did you recognise you had a problem?
Lying in a bath with the shower going after throwing up (again and again), looking my 2 yr old in the face and saying 'daddy is sick we'll play tmw' and realizing once again that I did it all to myself.
When I started crying on my kitchen floor because I was too broke to afford any alcohol and I thought I was going to die.
And my friends had an intervention with me.
But it was more the shock of how upset I was when I couldn't get a drink.
It was when it hit me how dependant I had become.
Havnt touched a drop in a month now which is the longest I've gone in about ten years :)
In one of my responses, I explained how I have two glasses of wine every night followed by four to six bourbons.
Reddit said: guess what, you're a high-functioning alcoholic.
I've since pared back.
What's weird is I quit because of COVID.
Drinking alone at home isn't fun for me.
Precovid I partied a lot.
Bars, concerts, clubs.
But now that I'm isolating and only doing: work, home, hiking, art and soon online school.
(First time going in about a decade btw.
Woo!)
Drinking just doesn't fit into those things (for me) and I didn't notice how beep I felt all the time, how my cognitive abilities were dwindling or any other negative side effects until after I was sober.
I quit cigarettes along with it after smoking for 15 years and didn't even notice til I was cleaning and found a carton.
I used to smoke a ton of weed every day but I stopped that too.
It feels amazing.
Like I've got superpowers.
I can
remember things, I have energy and motivation, I can control my emotions better, I'm not puking every other day, I sleep normally now.
I still smoke weed but only like a bong rip or two a day compared to blunts and blunts and blunts and more blunts.
Plus shots, then a cig.
Was into coke too but just occasionally.
(But when I did I'd go hard and NOT stop.
Can you tell I get easily addicted to things?
Haha.)
Anyway I doubt anyone will read this.
It being so late in the thread.
But Im proud of myself and it helps to write it out.
I remember the first time I realised I really didn't have any control over it.
I knew for ages that I drank a lot; I even incorporated that into my identity (party guy Devrij!).
This was different though.
I was at uni, and I was in a student flat in the middle of campus by myself, having been ejected from halls of residence after knifing a guy while blackout drunk (yeah that wasn't the moment, weirdly).
The moment was on the morning of an exam.
An important one.
I was terribly hungover, so to sort myself out for the exam I thought I'd have a beer to stave off the hangover and calm my nerves a bit.
I remember looking out my window and watching
my classmates go into the exam while I drank beer number 4, and I just could not fathom why I was not there with them.
I had every intention of being in that exam, but as soon as I started drinking, I just couldn't stop.
And that is a pretty good textbook example of what makes alcoholism so dangerous:
Somehow, you will convince yourself that this time, you will control it.
Despite all evidence in the past, this time it'll be okay to just have one.
Once you pop, you just can't stop.
It's not about how much you drink, it's about what happens when you do.
Happy to say I've been clean and sober since 2nd Nov 2006, have a great job, wife and little girl, and I wouldn't trade my worst sober days for my best drinking ones.
When the people I thought had a drinking problem told me how much they drank and I drank way more than they did
When I was filling up an empty bottle of vodka with water so my family wouldn't notice how quickly I finished it.
I avoid hard liquor now.
When I finished a 1ltr bottle of whisky in one sitting and asked for another.
Drank a lot during the last few months but went cold turkey on the 1st of December.
Been hitting the gym instead and I feel great!
Lost over 8kgs.
It's over time.
It's when other people look at you strange and you realize you're the only one drinking to get drunk, or that I brought alcohol to a moment that didn't need alcohol and I saw that other people weren't cool with it (work/school) bc for me every situation needed to have alcohol---i realized my life revolved around it and other people's didn't.
Then the other eye-opener was when I tried to go a day without drinking, and it was the hardest thing I'd done in a long time, and almost couldn't.
Realizing I really couldn't go a day was a wakeup call.
It took another 2 years after that but now I have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
I realized pretty early on that I had a problem with alcohol.
Basically as soon as I realized I'm virtually incapable of stopping after a certain point, I knew I'd never truly have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
For me it's somewhere around 5-6 drinks.
Once I get to that point, I'll drink until either me or the bottle is gone, regardless of my previous intentions, or how determined I am to stop.
On top of that, I don't actually enjoy having one drink.
Subconsciously, I think, I never really viewed alcoholic beverages as beverages insomuch as I viewed them as a drug.
Which is weird, because I actually really enjoy the taste of many
types of alcoholic beverages.
But I always feel let-down having just 1 beer, or 1 glass of wine, for some reason-- even if that's my intention and I only buy 1 beer for example.
I just end up feeling somewhat groggy, which is obviously not what I enjoy about the effects of alcohol.
I still drink occasionally, but I never buy alcohol or drink alone.
When I realized that I was waiting for my work day to finish every day just so I could get home and drink.
I was also very destructive to my life and the lives of those around me.
I have been totally sober for coming up on 3 years.
I quit without any programs or outside assistance.
I just decided to do it.
For me it was I went into the bar I went to every day and ordered a shot and a beer to join my friends at video game we played every day (Golden Tee).
When I picked it up to bring it to our table my shakes were so violent I spilled half of it on the bar.
But from what others have posted, I've been through.
The biggest ones that are in my eyes the truest are:
\-Showing up to events bringing booze when it's really a place where booze won't be involved.
\-Not going to places if they don't have booze, or going to like a
pumpkin patch or street fair and the first mission is to find the booze stand (or bring your own like I did).
\-Bringing enough to booze to kill a horse for a casual hangout.
Friend and I used to watch football together, like have a few beers and watch the game.
I'd bring a 12 pack and a fifth of liquor and most of the time drink it all during the game.
\-Only person drinking to get hammered.
Few cocktail casuals?
Nah, i'm pounding it to get a buzz as quickly as possible.
\-Drinking in the morning to get rid of the hangover.
I used to pull vodka before work.
When a friend asked me out for a drink at midday and at the end of my fourth pint she said "I just did mean a coffee."
I've reached the point now where I struggle to get drunk and I still want more.
Much like coming out as gay, it's not a one-time moment.
You do it over and over in different situations.
People don't just end up at their rock bottom one day and go 'oh'.
Addiction is progressive and most addicts know they have a problem early on.
They will deny it to others, but they know.
And still keep going, because that's how addiction works.
Woke up in a jail cell and was still warmer than I would have been at home because I didn't have money to put propane in the tank but sure had money for the bar.
It'll be ten years Saturday, my higher power willing.
When I was able to drink a 30 rack of beer a day for 3 weeks straight.
Didn't even notice it until my girlfriend said something.
That was in June and now I only drink when the Bills play.
I think most people know they have a problem but because of society and how we have been brainwashed they don't think its really that much of a problem.
I was a daily drinker for about 8 years, I used to just drink occasionally but I hit a rut and was working two jobs and felt stressed.
Alcoholism is progressive and eventually I was drinking about a pint of liquor a day.
I never got mean or caused problems in my relationship.
I got tired of feeling like beep in the morning and being controlled by the need to drink.
My wife was surprised I quit she didn't think I
had a problem.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM TO QUIT.
I quit over six months ago and I really enjoy my life now.
There is a lot to learn about alcoholism, the truth is once you take your drinking so far completely quitting is the only option.
You can no longer moderate.
Once you quit you don't need to play mental gymnastics over when pr how much you allow yourself to drink.
"The easy way to control alcohol" by Allen Carr and "Alcohol explained" by William Porter are great books.
Also visit r/stopdrinking
I suppose I’m not really admitting it outright to myself yet, but I’m worried that I’m trending down the path.
I have a small anxiety problem and being a bit inebriated helps with that.
Then a bit turns to more, and then turns to a lot.
And suddenly I’m drinking at 2 PM on a Saturday and finishing my 20th drink 10 hours later.
So maybe I’m an alcoholic?
Edit: After reading all the comments: thank you!!!!
A lot of people have mentioned their own struggles and their journeys and it has become some inspiration for me.
That and the overwhelming mentions of self medicating.
The next time I’m in to see my GP I’ll ask about it!
Thank you all and please have an
amazing weekend!
My wife told me she had put up with me blacking out, pissing on furniture, injuring myself, and then being absolutely useless the next day for the last time.
We separated for a while, and the idea of losing her and my daughter scared me.
I didn't like who I had become so I went to rehab.
I'm coming up on three years free from alcohol now.
when i started coughing up blood
i know this won't make sense, but you just know ...
when you wake up and plan your drinking schedule.
drink such that you can get at least 6 hours of work in.
2 hours before you get into the car.
come home and drink with dinner.
when you live your life, as high functional as you can possibly be, and it all revolves around the next drink.
its a vicious cycle.
4 months sober.
The essence of addiction is contunuing to use in the face of mounting consequences.
It happens because conscious control is lost.
I knew I was in that position when despite being hung over as hell from the previous night my drinking (drinking alone btw) would start with me trying to just have one.
But I would feel so great after one I would just keep pouring them and end up passed out drunk And then hung over as hell the next day, Rinse repeat.
Also I had blackouts from drinking, and had developed a tolerance.
At the end I was drinking a gallon of whiskey a week.
My last hangover lasted three days.
I'd been going to AA for a while by that point, and a phrase stuck in my mind.
"It's the first drink that gets you drunk".
Which means once an alcoholic ingests alcohol, the lizard brain takes over, control is lost.
So now I'm sober
It was a myriad of things.
My wife was constantly on me, My work was suffering, I wasn't spending time with family, the hangovers would last days on end.
and I was hospitalized 3 separate times my last year of drinking.
As the saying goes I didn't get in trouble every time I drank, but when I did get into trouble I had been drinking.
I had also reached a point in my life where I didn't look in the mirror anymore, cause I couldn't stand the guy looking back at me.
During my last hospital stay my wife told me she was leaving unless I did something.
Through divine intervention (or just dumb luck) a guy from my golf club called me the next day
about buying insurance, I knew he had been sober a long time and before he got 2 sentences out of his mouth I told him I needed help.
He picked me up that night and led me to my first AA meeting.
I found out later that he had been sober almost 30 years and that was his first AA meeting in almost 2 decades.
And so began my journey into sober living.
I got a sponsor, hit a lot of meetings, got involved and somehow, by the grace of God, I haven't felt the need to pick up a drink in 10 1/2 years.
It was tough in the beginning, but you realize how much better life is with out the booze.
Today I still go to meetings, more to catch up with old friends, and still help those trying to get sober.
I sponsor a buddy of mine and we do a pretty good job keeping each other sober.
Life is great, my children know me more sober than when I was drinking, my relationship with my wife is fantastic and the business I was running into the ground is now flourishing.
Sober living isn't always a bed of roses, but it is a hell of a lot better than living in the disease.
IF anyone is struggling with their drinking and feel like they need help, please feel free to reach out via DM or there are a ton of
resources on reddit.
I am willing to help you as someone once did for me.
After I had quit heroin, I stared drinking super heavy by myself.
I realized it had become a problem when I didn’t even want to go out anymore, I wanted tot stay home so I could get as hammered as possible.
If I went out anywhere , I would have to sleep there or only drink a tiny bit, so I stopped going out.
Would drink 4-5 beers after work during the week.
On the weekends I would drink almost a full bottle of whiskey or rum by myself , I was not content until I had trouble walking.
Weekends would go to waste, because I would be so hungover sat and sun morning that I couldn’t do anything.
And by 4 pm I would start all over again.
Then I moved to Colorado.
I think the
combination of being somewhere new, a new job, and working super hard physical work, inspired me to slow down and stop drinking.
Now a few years later and I hate drinking, I realize how bad it was for my health, mentally physically and spiritually.
I don’t even like drinking one beer, it makes me feel tired and gives me a headache usually.
So happy I will never go back to drinking, it’s a black hole of misery
I got into a verbal argument with my best friend and I said things I’d never say to anyone, I didn’t even believe in the things I was saying.
I’d seen an alcoholic in my family do similar before, so I knew where it was headed if I kept drinking, so I quit then and there when I realized the things I said went too far.
Too late.
If you start thinking you have a problem go ahead and make sure you can take a full two weeks off.
When I saw this post and felt defensive
😂😂😂 j/k.
I wouldn't ever have dts or anything
But I do drink more than I ought to.
I am 2 years sober today, from alcohol.
After waking up in jail for the 3rd or 4th time.
The first time I got withdrawals
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