You said that you thought that you were a bad
talk show guest,
and I was watching and I thought that's not true,
I think, you've been on my show and you've been great,
you've been terrific.
Well that's nice of you to say.
[Conan] Yeah.
(laughter)
No, I really--
I did a whole episode of the show actually about,
[Conan] Yeah.
you know how I'm not...
I think, I just think for me it's a little bit of an
uphill battle.
Because when people tune in to a talk show, they're like,
Ooh, what celebrity am I gonna see,
and what are they gonna talk about,
and then they see me come out.
(laughter)
And then they're like, alright, what does this guy got.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, I have to like, tell.
You know, I have to be.
The pressure's on.
But I had a really great talk show story,
a great anecdote.
But I already told it on two of your competitor's shows,
Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
Mm Hmm, right, right.
I've heard those,
I've heard about those shows, yeah.
Right.
(laughter)
And so your producer was like,
you can't tell it a third time.
Yeah, it's bad that you told it twice but,
to try and tell it a third time is yeah,
borderline criminal.
Right, so I was like, well I guess I have to just
talk about kinda my life.
Like my regular life today.
And I was a little nervous about it,
so I actually decided to bring a back-up guest tonight.
I'm sorry, I've been doing this a long time.
I've never heard of anyone bringing a back-up guest.
I just think it would make, you know,
it would make me feel a bit better cause I don't know
how this is gonna go,
so that way if it's,
if it's not working or my story's not good,
you have the ability to switch over to another guest.
(laughter)
I've never heard of anybody,
these shows have been around for like 70 years,
I've never heard of anybody doing this.
Well it also helps me kind of feel a little better too,
cause it takes the pressure off me a bit.
I mean, hopefully you won't have to use them,
but it's just.
Is it okay if I bring them out now?
I didn't know...
(applause)
Well, wait a minute!
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's a back-up guest.
Okay!
Okay, Susan do you wanna come out now or...
(upbeat music) (applause)
Hi, thank you.
Wait a minute, how did you get Susan Sarandon
to come out here?
How did you do that?
(applause)
I got her through my booker.
I guess I have a better booker than you?
(laughter)
That's just incredible!
I can't believe-- So this is a,
this is an actress named Susan Sarandon.
Yeah, I know!
I know who Susan Sarandon!
It's just amazing.
Susan has a,
she's an Oscar winning actress.
[Conan] Yes, I know!
She has an amazing career.
She's been doing stuff for decades.
She has so many great stories about things from the industry
or her life that are like, really exciting.
[Conan] Sure, right.
So she's a great back-up, and if it doesn't go well I think,
you know, if it's not going well, you have that option.
But I'm excited about what I'm talking about tonight,
so hopefully-- Wait, so you're saying that
I should talk to you. Yes.
Susan Sarandon just walked in.
She's only here as a back-up.
It's kinda like, you know how planes have like two engines?
[Conan] Yes, I know, yeah, yeah.
So you just talk to me and, you know,
ideally we're not gonna have to use her.
Okay.
Okay, what do you wanna talk about?
Alright, so,
so I don't know if there's any pet owners out there but
I have two adorable cats named Rocket and Jackie.
And for pet owners you know this,
but the thing that's so exciting about having pets
is their unique personalities.
So Rocket is, he's a red cat with blue eyes,
and he's so sweet.
Like, he'll come up to you at the door and just,
he'll be right there,
and he's so beautiful I always say he could be a model.
He could model on like cat food bags.
But Jackie, on the other hand,
she's a little bit of a more unpredictable personality.
So she'll do this thing where she'll lie on her belly
like she wants pets on her belly,
or on her back like she wants pets on her belly,
and then when you pet her,
she'll hiss and swipe at you.
So...
(laughter)
(applause)
Cats do that.
It's pretty good.
Susan, do you have pets?
Well, why are you talking to her?
I thought I'd just pull her in to the conversation.
It's a big deal that she's here, so I thought...
Right, but she's only here as a back-up and,
you're only supposed to talk to her if the story's
not going well.
But I thought it was, right?
No, it was going pretty well.
Okay.
Cause I didn't...
Yeah, I think you said, yeah.
Sometimes your cat swipes at you.
I mean you can talk to her if you thought that was--
No, no, no, no!
I'm sorry.
No you're, listen.
Please, no, let's hear more about your pets.
Don't we wanna hear more about Nathan's pets?
(applause)
Okay, well, um.
I also have like, all their feeders and their litter
set up on automatic.
Like a litter robot.
And so, um.
(laughter)
It's like, you can go away for the whole day
and the food comes out and the litter cycles automatically.
Automatically.
Yeah, yeah.
And I uh.
Also Jackie is really funny when she's,
she does this thing where she guards the bedroom door.
And I know you've,
everyone's heard the expression of guard dog.
[Conan] Yeah.
But, um,
she's kind of a guard cat.
Guard cat.
(laughter)
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm told you brought a clip?
Yeah, I have a clip from the show.
Is that, I mean--
Yeah!
I think we'd love to have a clip from the show.
Is that good?
Are you?
Are we done with the banter part?
Yeah, you did great on the banter.
Your cats have very different personalities,
the two of them.
Okay, great. Yeah.
Well if there's not any more banter, uh,
that's all we need you for.
Thank you for being here, Susan.
Thank you.
(applause)
Susan Sarandon, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't have to,
she's just a back-up.
You don't have to give her a big thing,
she didn't do anything.
I told the story.
Anyways, yeah, so this clip.
Should I set it up, or?
Yeah, set it up.
Alright, so, in the store,
in the show I help struggling businesses, so.
In this one I help a computer repair shop.
And the biggest problem when you go to a
computer repair shop is you're nervous that the
repair technicians are gonna look at your private photos,
or nude photos that you have.
Mm Hmm.
So I suggest that they have a fully asexual staff
to solve that problem.
So, yeah.
Let's take a look at this clip from Nathan For You.
(car engine)
That's not the clip.
(applause)
That's not the clip.
No, that's the back-up clip.
That's the back-up clip?
They messed up, that's not the clip.
Cause that's a great clip.
That's a clip!
That was amazing!
That was the back-up clip?
Yeah, obviously it's Susan...
That was the back-up clip.
Uh huh.
Alright well now I can't, well, I don't know.
Do you wanna play mine, or?
We don't have time.
Well they messed,
that's the wrong clip. Yeah. You did fine though.
There's actually.
What's that?
There's one more thing I just wanted to talk to you about.
What's that?
So, uh, Susan's from New York and I had to cover the cost
of her flight to come out here.
And she has to fly first class so it was kind of expensive,
and I thought, since she did appear on your show,
do you wanna go 50 50 on that, or?
I...
Yeah.
You will?
Yeah, I'll go 50 50 on it.
Alright.
It's just, I didn't know how expensive first class--
No, no, no, I understand.
It's expensive, yes.
Nathan For You.
And hotel too?
Yeah, I understand, I understand.
Half on all, right?
Yeah. I'll go 50 50 on everything.
And who do I talk to after, your producers or?
Uh, yeah. Talk to Andy.
Andy'll take care of you.
I gotcha buddy..
Yeah, he handles everything.
Nathan For You airs Thursdays at 10 on Comedy Central.
It is one of the funniest shows on television.
It's got a special two hour finale on November ninth.
Damn, you're funny.
Nathan Fielder, thank you very much.