Living with a black dog a guide for partners
carers and sufferers.
What not to say or do. You may well be right when you say
"It's all in your head!" but don't say it, leave that up to the professionals
"Be a man!" this certainly doesn't help,
Especially if they are one already. Depression is an illness,
not a sign of weakness. Don't be an armchair general who gives unfounded advice
and orders. Being thoughtful and kind will never go amiss.
Don't try and jolly them along, it can often make them feel worse.
Don't point out that there are people in this world far worse off than them.
It just adds to their feelings of guilt and hopelessness.
Good things to say and do. Be sensitive about how you approach the subject;
a lot of people aren't used to talking about their mental health, or lack of it.
Crossing that line simply means you care.
Try not talking
Instead grow your ears and open your heart
Really being there for someone without opinion or judgment
is one of the best gifts you can ever give.
Encourage them to seek a professional opinion. An offer to help find a good doctor,
make an appointment and even going with them, can be hugely beneficial
Encourage any former regular exercise
Fitness robs the dog with its power. Help them develop a strategy to simplify
their life
both at home and at work.
Stress is one of the biggest drivers of depression.
Less stress means less dog
Make them a ditch the dog box. Encourage them to fill it with favorite photographs,
letters, anything that reminds them of what's good in their life.
Include a "Dog Journal" Here they can plot how they are feeling
acknowledge progress, record the things the are grateful for
and set doable goals. Embracing the black dog
Agree to a course of action to get rid of the Black Dog
An ignored dog can become a big problem
Learn about the condition together;
knowledge is power and validation is a great healer
A united front is crucial in getting the Black Dog to move on
As a caregiver, compassion
empathy and understanding are vital, but recognize that you alone
don't have the power to rescue your loved one. Professional help is
often what's needed
Finding the right doctor can make all the difference to a healthy recovery
If they're going to tell someone their problems, it should be someone they respect
and feel comfortable with. Don't be afraid to go for an initial assessment
and don't feel committed to continue if it doesn't feel right. "“You can also see a nurse, a counsellor or a health-care worker"
If it suggested you take anti-depressants
do your research. Know the facts and ask your doctor plenty of questions
A big obstacle for seeking professional help
is the cost. Help them realize that the cost of not getting the right help
can be considerably higher: it can cost marriages
friendships jobs and even life itself
Some simple rules of engagement and agreement
Agree that there is a Black Dog in the midst
and things may have to change temporarily
Agree that no one can help them until they fully commit to helping themselves
Agree to be gentle and respectful
with one another during this time. Agree to check-in with each other
on a regular basis. Agree to communicate honestly and openely.
Agree to the course of action
set by the doctor and to review progress regularly
Self-preservation for the caregiver
It can be difficult not to take anger, criticism
negativity and apathy personally. It's important not to buy into it
accept that it's the depression barking, not the person you care for.
Being overexposed to someone else's Black Dog can begin to rub off.
Misery loves company so try not to get sucked into the vortex
It's really important to recognize and honor your own needs
limitations and boundaries.
Difficult situations a better dealt with when you are calm and in the moment
Yoga, meditation and mindfulness
are great tools for achieving calmness and control. Join a support group
There's nothing like being in a room full of people who understand and share
your story
It's important to get out and do your own thing
and be with friends. Friends may not be able to solve your problems
but they can offer incredible support, comfort, wisdom
and laughter. A Black Dog in
any relationship can be confronting, frightening
and frustrating but navigated together, the bond can become
deeper richer and better for it. And finally
the most important aspect in this tourney is to constantly remind each other
it will pass
If you have a Black Dog in your life, get help, be helped
and always hold onto hope.