So Batman versus Superman
Yes!
Was a script that was floating around
from 2002
So this isn´t the first time
they´ve attempted to bring
those two iconic characters together on the big screen
On the biggest screen you can imagine
A cinema screen
But ok so the story of this
It starts up with Bruce Wayne
He´s been retired for five years
They love their retired Batman or their old Batman
these movies, don´t they?
So five years after he´s retired
Dick Grayson is dead
Alfred is dead
Commissionaire Gordon´s dead
The joker is dead
Now at the same time Clark Kent, He is not doing so well either
He was married to Lois Lane and now he is divorced
She can´t handle this hectic kind of superhero life style
so she bails
Yes
Look I can´t handle the weight that if anything bad would have happened to me of my love ones
or to our potential children
You can fly around the earth and reverse time and they´d be fine again.
I just can´t deal with that man!
They also have this scene that introduces Clark Kent
He is in the office
and he is typing away in his typewriter and a guy comes around
Wait! super fast typing or regular typing?
I don´t know regular probably
cause there´s people around ..... you know?
And then a guy comes up and says
Hey Clark We´re going for a beer, are you interested?
And he is like "I can´t, I got work or whatever.
or he´s got to be Superman or whatever.
and the guy calls him a dickhead
under his breath
that is the line in this movie
Batman now like I said
his life is starting to get better
he´s found
a new love of his life
Famous comic book character Elizabeth Miller
not a character
not a character at all!
So they get married
Clark´s the best man
And then on their honeymoon
She gets stung by a toy bee
which injects her with joker toxin and she dies
but the joker´s dead....
you said he was dead...
what happened?
well that´s it
So he decides that he is going to Batman up again
to find out what´s going on
so he goes down to his cave or whatever
and he´s devastated .. as he always is
that´s kind of the default emotion
I was just over being devastated
And now I am devastated again
So he goes down and he boots up the bat computer as well
and a holographic sentient Alfred appears
So that´s going to be his new Alfred I guess
Which is carried over I assume from
Batman and Robin
where there is also a sentient computer Alfred
Do you remember that?
Alicia Silverstone goes into the cave
and he is like
" I´m a computer version of Alfred...
Here is a bat costume
Get out there!
Do you have any training?
I don´t care
does´t matter
Use this grappling hook
and swing from a really tall building
So then now Clark comes down
and he tries to talk him out of it
he is like listen I am going to find whoever did this
I am going to kill them
and so Clark is like
"Don´t do it man."
be cool, be like me Superman who never kills
Be like me right?
but Bruce is like
"You are an alien you don´t understand"
"You are not like me man"
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Basically
Also should I point out that Elizabeth Miller
is like the perfect woman
Some would even say too perfect Mason
Oooooooohhhh! (Mason being a Dickhead)
Some would just say "She is regular, yeah pretty good"
anyway Batman has a running with the joker
and his two henchmen
But his dead! (Mason being a dickhead, again)
You said he was dead (still being a dick)
What happened?
alright, continue
so
The joker beats down Batman
for whatever reason
using......
Probably a zappy.... joe buzzer
he´s like "sorry I killed your wife"
"How about we shake on it?"
Batman is all full of honor he is like
alright
Sure he is five years out this world
Yeah that´s true
he is like Uh maybe he´s changed
So yeah before he can kill Batman
Which sort of a bad sometimes
sometimes he is not
depends on what version
his hench men stop him
So maybe that comes into play later
maybe it doesn´t
It does
Ok sure
around this time Bruce goes to steal some Kryptonite from a government facility
for some reason
assuming in the preparation cause he knows the movie is called Batman V/S Superman
so he is ready
and they have one more chat
where Bruce and Clark meet
and Bruce is like:
"Listen, I am definitely going to kill the joker"
and Superman´s like:
"I definitely have to stop you"
"Even though that´s uncharacteristic for me"
Is such a thing
You´d think, if you are clever and cunning like Batman
You´d say :"Hey Superman, I´m not gonna kill the joker"
"I´m going to just be cool for a while"
Yeah you would
Just do whatever,
maybe leave Earth for a while
Because I´ll take care of all the other crime
except killing the joker
You´ve earnt a break
You´ve had a tough run
go into space
Dude
You dick head
Meanwhile it´s revealed that
Lex Luthor who is in prison
has figured out that Batman is Bruce Wayne
like he figured that out years prior
and it´s revealed that he cloned the Joker
So there´s clones in this
you didn´t know there´s going to be
Twist!
In order to get Batman to come out of retirement
and then kill Superman
for him
right...
Elaborate enough?
Pretty elaborate Yeah!
You can always clone Superman
and have that clone of Superman
Attack Superman
and hope for the best
But I guess I am an idiot
You are and idiot
Yeah this is where the fight starts
So basically the joker sets up a meeting time
for the Batman/Joker showdown
But Superman of course turns up first
Batman though, he is ready for this
and he´s got a Kryptonite-laced armor
so anyway the fight is full on
I´ve written that here
it´s a real full on?
So they are pretty evenly match
Like Superman tries to burn off the armor
But he can´t cause he is like by missiles from the Batwing
Which is bearing down on him
Then they punch for a bit
Yeah punching good
and then Superman is hit with the Bat-plane
he is kind of knocked back a distance
and then he uses his freeze breath
Which he probably should have done earlier on
sure
which blows Batman a quarter of a mile away
and I´ve got here.: "He is somehow not killed"
absolutely yeah!
Then they punch for a bit
And then Superman flies up
to kind a get away
to kind a get his bearings
and Batman grapple-guns him
Now it doesn´t say in the script
But I think he grappled-gun him on the balls
that´s how it would happen
Batman then climbs up
and as they are kind of tangling or whatever
they fall
but then Batman kicks him in the chest to get away
and then grapples and swings away
then they punch for a bit
Superman then beats him with a parking sign
and freeze breath......freeze breathes...
Freeze breathes?
his armor shattering it
and then Batman hits him with a Kryptnite arrow
and he is down
presumably in his balls
His one weak spot
Batman goes off then
and he just beats up the Joker quire a bit
They punch for a bit
mostly Batman doing the punching
that´s it
nd then the Joker reveals that he created this perfect woman
this wife for Bruce to fall in love with
And then to kill her
and o manufacture this entire situation
which was also manufactured by Lex Luthor
So there is middle management , there´s upper management
absolutely, definetely yeah!
so much paper work
as Bruce is all like:
"Oh nooooo!"
"I´ve been devastated.....by truths"
"my love!"
anyway
"This day has been a real bummer!"
The Joker shows up
The joker is about to kill him, sorry
And just as happens Superman shows up
all battered
and he hits the Joker in the gut with like a piece of concrete
and then
the Joker sets his two super-powered thugs
Which they were in it earlier
Which I didn´t know if I´ve mentioned were super-powered
No
They are!
And.....Superman and Batman then fight
back to back
like buddies -Sure
and then Batman is about to kill the Joker
and Superman is like :
"Bloody do it, kill him!"
or whatever
And then ....you know
cause that´s the Superman we know and love
But Batman decides not to do it at the last minute
It´s not over yet though
It´s a very long fight scene
Well you get your money´s worth... you know?
anyway this is the point where Lex luthor shows up in a power armor
I am back on board
He goes:
"I knew you wouldn´t have the guts Batman"
"That´s why I am here"
I am the villain
I wrote that dialogue
Then they punch for a bit
They all punch for a bit
And then they tumble off a balcony
Batman is saved by superman
and then as Lex explodes in his suit
But his body is inexplicably not found
even by Superman who can find anything
So there you go
Then at the end
Superman and Batman shake hands
Then Batman asks superman if he wants to go and get a beer
and Superman asks if they can get a soda
and they kind of have a bit f a laugh or what ever
and then they walk off arm in arm