What up, my gangstas!
Time to hop back on the Movieverse review horse with a swift squint at the Studio Series!
Now, this motley gathering of all-new ultra-faithful Bayformer figures is seemingly an attempt to bring their
distinctive brand of exhausting sensory brutality right off the screen and onto your shelf
in high-grade hyped-up plastic perfection!
Because, yes, we're apparently all so old now that it's time for a sort of Generations revival
of the Transformers from the live-action movies.
Which you'd think would seem mad to someone like me
- a bearded manbaby from the 80s who bums G1 all day long -
But honestly, it makes total sense!
I mean, like 'em or not, the movies have been around for eleven years and made multiple shitzillions of dollars,
there's like a whole generation of fans who grew up with them,
and for whom these characters are The Transformers.
So, y'know, go off!
But I would appreciate it if we could ease off on the whole "ceaseless procession of age" thing?
Just for a bit? You're bummin' everybody out!
So, our Studio Series subject today is husky Autobot weaponlad Ironhide
who remained oddly likeable throughout his three movie appearances with his indefinable accent
and awkardly uncool quips.
"He's leaked lubricants all over my foot!"
Why do I like him again?
And he's certainly had a spotty run with his toys.
Like, he was kinda boned from the start with his weird- ass overdeveloped design and oddly-positioned arms,
which have sadly led to a lot of sorta good but ultimately pretty unsatisfying figures.
And this one's even dropped at a particularly weird time, 'cos we know they're working on a Masterpiece.
Like, they've announced it. We've seen it. We know.
So, why even would you? But they have. So let's!
Yes indeed, this is Studio Series Ironhide, looking, as he's intended to, like Ironhide.
I mean, as the ugly lumpy one of an already ugly lumpy crew, any figure of Ironhide's
always gonna be kind of inherently inelegant.
But this is definitely the slickest Mr. Hide's ever looked!
It represents him extraordinarily well as a jagged metal junkyard mutant migraine creature with like
six discernable car parts hangin' off it.
But he's actually a surprisingly satisfying package,
like, yes, he's ugly, but he doesn't hurt to look at.
Now, this is a Voyager class figure - whatever that means anymore.
Like, seeing as how the whole Studio thing's based around maximum screen accuracy,
it's just slightly weird to me that he's in the same scale strata as like Megatron, Optimus, Brawl, and Starscream
all of whom are canonically absolute units.
But look, man. Do what you want. I'm sure they've done their homework.
Voyager clearly doesn't just mean "a slightly big one" anymore.
It's a price point, and it's fine. Movin' on!
So let's get into it, and we'll obviously begin with his weird-ass, top-heavy-ass bod boulder
with its peculiar V-shaped cleavage,
which for some reason comes mistransformed right out of the box,
so just pop his head up, tab them puppies in, and gimme five.
Anyway, I don't know about you but I've always found these shoulder mounds a touch uncomfortable,
but at least they look pretty solid here!
Like, it's clean, it's logical, and it seems to form a kind of troll face!
Definitely feelin' these dummy wheels, and while there is quite a lot goin' on,
it all sorta generally snuggles up for a nice cosy smushfest!
Head's a fairly fab rendering of his stupid smashed pug face with its big dumb nose and luscious blue eyes!
The neck can be a bit of a tricky bitch though, like it's got this stalk plugged into it from the front,
which loves to pop out and leave a big ugly empty larynx hole.
Arms are pretty small and stumpy, but, come on, that was always gonna happen.
They're at least pretty posable though, and they flex around the front with a fair degree of freedom!
And they certainly bulk out once you get the weapons on the go!
Check 'em out there with all those notorious moving parts, all present and correct -
albeit completely static, and in like blanket silver and grey with all
weird car door shards hangin' off 'em for some reason?
Much like the figure as a whole, the legs are definitely a game of two halves!
Like, the thighs are just a chunky crystalline detail-gasm
and knees down, it's all spikes and panels
To be fair, he wears it well, but these big sprawling feet are a smidge clumsy.
They could totally have used a sideways ankle tilt, but they do at least have a
bonus Animated Bumblebee rollerskate mode!
I do sorta feel like the paint could be doing more work.
I mean he's got it where it counts, like the face looks gnarly and he does look swish overall,
but because the motor belly's all just default black it makes the bumper stick out like mad
and sorta split the poor sod in half!
A bit like if the photographer guy from The Omen had caught a snap of Jazz.
Too soon?
So yeah, overall he's a fairly glorious gunhavin' geezer! It just all makes sense, and feels good!
And, do you know how welcome it is to not have any gimmicks to grapple with?
I just know I'm not gonna have to worry about it pullin' any stupid spring-loaded shit!
There's no needless Automorph or Mechalive or stupid sproingy weapons to compromise the loveliness!
It's just a straight-ahead, no bullshit, good quality action figure, and isn't that so refreshing!
So for gimmicks, we've instead to head back into the box and check out some cardboard!
Yes indeed, the Studio figures all come with a little pack-in diorama dealie
and Ironhide's one comes from that city battle when he did a
and kept telling Sam to get to the "beeldeeng".
"Sam! get to the beeldeeng!"
Or i guess it could be any given frame from Dark of the Moon.
I guess at least it's not his death scene.
[MAD HARDCORE RIFFS; YELLING]
Now, Ironhide's transformations have always been a bit of a confusing drag,
but this one's definitely the least pain in the arse!
Like it's relatively logical and kerfuffle-free, everything fits, everything's got adequate clearance,
nothing falls off, plus it's memorable, so I don't feel like I'm gonna forget where everything goes
and end up hating it.
Which does happen!
So as ever, Movie-mode Ironpants turns into a beautifully-rendered GMC Topkick,
a vehicle so bruisingly massive it's presumably used only by the military and the deeply insecure.
But to us clueless non-motorists, it's basically a big meaty slab of ugly muscle
with a front end that looks like a depressed gila monster. So, Ironhide.
And as an alt mode, it's mostly a pretty slick affair! It all crumples down and packs in beautifully,
rolls well enough and generally looks roughly 90% perf!
This IS roomy.
And it'd all be lovely tasty beefy gravy if not for a few bewildering design blunders!
Like, look at that gruesomely graceless flatbed gap, as well as a touch of unsightly danglefoot
and an extremely obvious but forgivably charming case of X-Brawn Head.
Anyway, I certainly appreciate the effectively efficient paint job!
Like, all the details are picked out extremely tidily from this beautiful blanket of black dynamite!
Even the wheels are left boringly blank for realism.
Weapon storage is strangely overt though, like they just bash together and then bash on there,
which... okay.
And that's sorta him all over, really. I mean it's like 90% lush, beefy perfection,
and the rest, sort of oddly rushed and roughshod.
But, if nothing else, he absolutely bodies all the other Ironhide toys
packin' all the cool-ass tough guy charm and frustrating physical quirks that make Ironhide
the begrudgingly affable dunce we all love/tolerate.
Plus, it's so natural to pose and transform that it doesn't give me the same kind of dread
that so frequently turns me off my movie figures.
So if this is what the Studio Series is all about, then count me firmly on board!
And ultimately, if what you're after is a good-ass Ironhide figure without a six-month wait and a $100 invoice,
then he do be finehide!
Goodbyeonhide!
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Limited appeal, keepin' it real.