Michael: Hello! And welcome back to Rage Quit.
It's been a time, but I was off jerking off somewhere for several months, but I'm DONE now.
Here we have Volgarr The Viking!
I feel like it should of been call Mogar the Viking, but uh, oh, and that's just it!
There's the game!
Alright.
So, uh, they don't really fuck around here.
Uh, holy SHIT!
That was fucking nuts....
Uh, from what people tell me, this game's quite difficult.
How do I get up there?
Do I gotta do.... do I gotta jump on that spear? I gotta do the spear thing again.
[grunts]
Look at that, look, it's like I'm a fucking living, breathing computer!
[evil laughter]
Oh shit!
Michael: [slashing sounds]
What am I, what am I collecting here? I got coins, I got coins for shit!
What am I buying?
Oh! I'm already getting surrounded here, holy shit!
Fuck off!
Fuck off, you prick!
You prick ass prick!
[grunt]
Get the- [grunts]- get the fucking bee!
OH GOD!
Get the fucking bee!
Holy SHIT!
I'm- I'm fucking slowly turning into Mogar!
This is incredible! I'm going to be a bear by the end of this video!
Got the double jump...
[Screams]
You FUCK! You kicked my fucking helmet off!
Ahh!
No!
Ahh!
[wispers] Fuck...
Fucking killed him running away!
You know, I'd be great if I could fucking aim up.
Oh, so I've lost my sheid.
Alright, so....
Seems each piece of equipment just grants me 1 extra hit.
That's all, uh..
That's all I've, I've grasped here.
And, I'm at the beginning!
So, it looks like every time you die,
uh...
You go back, and you lose everything you had!
WOW!
And now I know why people wanted me to play it for 3 months!
Now, what is the difference between this shield?
Cause this shield looks like shit!
The other one was all blue, and cool looking...
but this looks like a wooden piece of crap!
This is like the shield you get in Zelda that gets set on fire in the second fucking dungeon.
The fuck am I gonna- AH FUCK!
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine. I thought he Castleva- oh, I'm dead anyway.
So I guess, when I- when I get the...
...when I get the shield with the hammer on it...
...he- he fucking throws a flaming spear.
I think...?
[grunts]
Holy SHIT!
Did I get a fucking achievement already?
Look at that, look at THAT!
Holy FUCK? 50 Gamerscore?!
Let's STOP!
Hit the fucking bee...
Hit the fucking bee!
He keeps hitting his head!
There you go!
Alright.
Oh shit! So I can't charge it up without that shield?
Fuck!
Ok, so, you- you need that blue shield in order to charge up the flame spear.
...and chuck it at people.
Oh get away. Get away!
What? We giving them sticks now?!
Shit...
C'mere. C'mere.
C'mere. Ah, fuck me.
Oh fuck...
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck!
OH!
Wha-! How the fuck do I make that?!
Ah fuck. Oh fuck!
Just...STOP!
Make it stop!
Ah!
There we go. Look.
I'm fucking figurin it out.
You gotta double jump.
Alright. So now I should be able to do something else right?
If I can charge the spear with the...with the shield.
Shouldn't the blue helmet do something? Like make my cock bigger or something?
I mean he'd use that probably. He's a viking.
He'd probably fucking whip people with it.
Now we're doing good.
Now I finally got the hang of this. We got the shield.
We got the sword.
The snake. He doesn't know. He's got no idea what's going on.
Ah fuck! Yeah he knew what was goin on.
He knew exactly what was goin on.
I'm still not quite sure how the fuck I get across here.
Um...
Um.....
I guess I'll just jump again!
OH! There we go.
You gotta delay the double jump. I knew..I mean I knew that.
Obviously.
Weeeee!!!!
You mother fucker. You mother fucker.
I was coughing! For one second!
Damn it!
Stop taking my shit!
I keep dropping my shit.
Oh my god. OH MY GOD!
Like two- This game's fucking pure chaos
There's like two enemies on the screen and you're fucked!
I'm gonna shit my pants.
Oh god no!
I jumped right into them.
I jumped right the fuck into them.
Fucking WHORE!
-sigh- Jesus Christ..
Is there ever a fucking checkpoint?!
Is this like- Do you have to do the whole level every time you die?!
And you beat the level and then you're good
Or is it like beat the whole fucking game without getting hit?
Because that's...that's FUCKING CRAZY!
I'm getting all this money! I don't know what it does.
I can't survive to fucking get to the store!
It's like-
What!?
I couldn't make words....
I just- at this point I just wanna see what the third piece of armour is.
I'm not- cause I'm never gonna get it.
You know?
Like do you think it's boots?
Do you think maybe he'll get a gun?
That'd be cool.
I could just start shooting people.
Like an AR-15 or something?
I mean, I feel like it would fit the game.
Oh, also I just learned this; I can swing while I'm on the rope
So that would've, uh, would've solved that problem
That I had about 15 times; y'know, I could also do this.
*creature explodes*
Wasn't that great? Just great.
You fuckin piece of shit, he just ate, ah, *growls in frustration*
Okay so I don't even know how I-- HOW DID I DO IT THE FIRST FUCKING FIVE TIMES?!?!
MOTHER FUCKER!
Like you can't angle once you jump you have to j--you have to be holding a direction
Then jump. If I jump and then push a direction, nothing happened
You have to be moving and then jump; somehow I manage that
four fuckin times in a row and now I can't get past that fuckin jump without
jumping in the pit like a fuckin idiot
It's bullshit. FUCK YOU!
Okay this is, uh, this is the moment here
So I guess I gotta back up then, is that-- there we go
Or maybe I probably gotta do a little jump, no, there's no such thing as little jump
I thought the bee was gonna get me that time.
Fuck the bees
Holy shit, okay here we go; whoops
Whoops; GODDAMN IT VOLGARR!
YOU FUCK! I finally made it this far without getting hit
And I landed on the fucking spikes
You piece of shit! Fuck I hate this guy
I fuckin hate it! I hate this!
This is awful! Why am I going for this treasure?! I don't know, I can even---
FUCK!!!! Fuck it, fuck it, just--just fuck it
I--ugh--*pounds table in rage* Ugh, take number 5,038
Now if you guys aren't familiar with the game at this point
There's gonna be a blue helmet in this fuckin chest
Boy I bet you didn't see that comin'. This is the furthest I've made it. This is history
right here folks; as you can see, the game does continue past that point; now there
Were--
there were naysayers, they were proven wrong
and why not; why the fuck not?
Get up, get up, get up! HOW DO I FUCKING PLAY THIS GAME?!?!
I COME BACK TO THIS?!?! THIS IS THE FIRST THING I PLAY?!?!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Holy crap, I'll go back vvvvvv
God Damn! It's like a fucking walk in the park!
This is like walking through Central Park at fucking 3am
wearing a gold chain, holding a sign that says I'm rich
Fuckin rob me! Fuck, I got the---
HOW?!?! Dude, vikings had it fuckin rough
I just, I just, I don't
I'm so fuckin digusted
just disappointment and disgust thats
it I cannot I--
I can not get past that fucking guy without getting hit
I've literally not done it one
single fucking time. Fuckin stab up!! It's a sword!!!
Go up!! You have fuckin arms!!!
You son of a bitch!!!! You fucking son of a bitch!!!!
I don't remember any of this in "How to Train your Dragon", there was none of this shit going
on
There was the kids, and they were all hanging out, and they were all like "Hey, yeah." and you know
Adults were like "Dragons are bad." and the kids were all like, "Nah, they're good." and then they
were like, "You're right, they ARE good."
that's what, that's what you do in a viking game alright
not this shit! This is horseshit!
this is like Mega Man combined with shovel night combined with
ghouls and goblins combined with getting
a fuckin eight-foot like rod shoved up my ass
Okay, this guy's dead. Man if I can kill that red guy at the bottom, my
dick would be so hard, it might just break off I mean I'll fuckin snap it
*sighs and laughs in rage*
Whoo, I just can't fucking do it. I don't even understand why I've been throwing them at the
at the bees like I could do this, oh because I'm just gonna do that
just kill me guy, just, just--- *puts controller down and screams in complete frustration*
Holy shit, holy shit, I think this is a record
for the least progress I have ever made
in a game in Rage Quit, no joke
I mean I'm--if you like count the time from left to right
its I'm making it may be 50 seconds or something
It's fucking unbelievable
and then that happens, I just--I--
There's nothing I can do!! Every time I try something different, I just get fucked in a
different way
Jesus Christ god damnit
People can't pay for this kind of has got a fuckings. I'm defenseless. I got nothing.
"Hey Ray, is Volgarr hard? Yeah, it's pretty hard." "Like, how hard?" Like yeah
It'd probably make a good Rage Quit. Oh ya think?!
Ya think Ray?!?! Yeah, it makes a GREAT Rage Quit!
I'm fucked, I'm fucked; I'm just--I'm gonna jump over them; just, just run, just run away.
I didn't wanna run away.
*sobs*
Gavin: Why you crying boi?
Jesus Christ boi!!
God!
Oh. *panting*
God. That last one, that last one was a fright. Gavin literally
Oh. Gavin my boy. He was in England earlier today
And then he was, ah and then he was inside my eardrum
And it was startling. It was quite startling. *sighs*
Crazy guy. Mother fucker. Mother fucker, Ryan you mother fucker
Ryan, I got enough problems! Get the fuck off my screen!
Oh man, oh man, keep going. Get the shield
forget about this thing don't gotta worry about it. Jump.
Fucking got that guy. I'm so good at this game. I'm amazing. Oh shit
Can I duck under that? My whole world might have changed right now.
Oh my God, you fucking whore
Fucking whore. You fucking fat, stupid, greasy, dirty Viking cock smelling whore.
He doesn't smell cocks, he smells---
The stinking guy! Goddamn it!
Goddamn it!!! *rage quits*