- Number one show in late night trash bags.
You know what we got every night, illustrious guests.
Right.
Coming to the table tonight, we've got Bill
Hader from the series "Barry."
You know what I'm saying?
I'm very excited because he's one of the few guests whose
name I can actually pronounce.
"Barry."
[APPLAUSE]
What up?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Hey, what up?
[LAUGHS]
He was like--
like he was going to say your name and then you come out.
How was the bodega?
It was great, man.
Did anyone harass you in there?
No.
I tried to steal the little sponge, you know,
that they use.
For the money?
Yeah, for the money.
How is your life, now that you've
got the amazing series "Barry?"
Oh man, it's good.
I just, last week, like finished it.
Like last week, when I directed the episode,
we did the color correction, the thing, and it was done.
It's the thing where you get, OK, cool.
Now what?
Then you look around and you're like, uh, nothing.
Was it like--
The little saxophone players over there.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Little, yeah.
Fievel, Fievel from fucking "American Tail"
is over there like, [HUMMING].
He's like (SINGING) somewhere out there.
Out there. [HUMMING]
[SINGING] Somewhere out there
Oh!
He's a Russian immigrant.
Oh, a Russian immigrant and a mouse.
He's like (SINGING) this is my house.
And then ISIS drags him away.
Yeah, ISIS, the little, small ISIS.
What?
All right, all right.
Come on, come on.
Get out of here. - Guys, come on.
Come on.
You're going to the smallest prison.
[LAUGHS]
But it's Showtime, so it ends up like soft core sex.
Yeah, they immediately just start fucking.
Yeah, immediately, they have actresses
that you're like, I've seen you in better shit on the internet.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, why is Fievel getting a pretend BJ
from Jennifer Lawrence?
What is happening?
Wow.
Oh, this is weird.
Beastiality.
[LAUGHS]
There's a lot of stunts on "Barry."
Yeah, yeah.
Are you all bruised up from it?
Yeah, that was a good segue.
Yeah, fuck a segue.
Fuck a segue.
We're not even making a show at this point.
That was some good stunts on "Barry."
Yeah.
Hey, you be doing stunts.
How does that work?
Like you do it yourself or like you got some broad doing it?
Oh, you got like some girl doing all your stunts?
[LAUGHS]
I do get questions like that.
Like I love coming back to New York because the thing.
The minute I walk out, it's like that guy.
Yo, wait a minute.
Hey, you got a girl doing all your stunts?
[LAUGHS]
Bro, bro.
As I'm walking.
Bro, there's no way you did that thing
with the window fucking thing, when you
jumped out of the thing there.
Jumped out the window.
That wasn't you, right?
My cousin did that once and broke his neck.
How did you do it?
No, he's dead.
[LAUGHS]
Broke his neck, bro.
Spinal.
Broke his neck, though.
So you know my cousin?
Wait, what?
What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sal.
Sal. - Sal.
You know Sal, right?
Yeah, Broke Neck Sal.
He's Broke Neck Sal.
That's my cousin.
Funny story.
That's how he broke his neck.
So you went to prison?
[LAUGHS]
No, I wasn't in prison.
Who are you?
This is about a stunt.
This is an Uber pool.
Yeah.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
Like, oh.
And then, yeah, I'm waiting for my car
and then his phone lights up.
I gotta pick someone up.
No - it's you!
No.
That guy Vil.
I love it.
The stunts, yeah, there are a lot of stunts.
[LAUGHS]
I just try and do stunts.
So I would assume that, at this point,
you were sick of talking.
I mean, great show, but are you tired of talking about it?
No, no, I like talking about "Barry."
Ad nauseam.
No, I like talking about "Barry,"
but the questions I get, like, yeah.
Like man, this is so wild.
What a crazy concept, though.
Where did you come up with this idea?
You know, or like, what would Stefan
and Barry say to each other?
I'm like, I don't fucking know.
Like oh, come on.
The guy dressed as Stefan in the corner like, I'll leave?
OK, I'll go.
Get the fuck out of here.
[LAUGHS]
Has this show put you in therapy?
Oh, I was in therapy way before this show.
Oh, oh. [LAUGHS]
Bump it, man. I love therapy.
Ah Ah Ah
Now, you guys are just showing off.
You got insurance. Relax.
Yeah, we got that SAG insurance.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
That shit is hittin' boy.
Oh, man, it's great.
Yeah, it is weird, though, because I do have a therapist.
And I'll go and the therapist will be like, I love the show.
You know, and that's weird.
Yeah.
It took a while for my therapist to figure out that I was on TV,
because I was dancing around it for so long.
[LAUGHS]
And it's like one of the medical billers,
or whatever, was like, that's Mero from "DESUS & MERO"
She was just like, oh, OK.
She's like, oh.
And then the tone changed.
So I think I might have to switch therapists.
Yeah, no, it's weird when they suddenly know.
Yeah, it's like, I saw you on the side of a bus.
Yeah.
Like, oh OK, cool.
Now it's like a weird Tony Soprano, Dr. Melfi
type of situation.
Yeah, and then they just totally don't hold
you accountable for anything.
Yeah, I know.
They're like, you're a great person.
They're like, fuck that person.
Yeah, you know what?
Your wife is a bitch.
[LAUGHS]
How dare she ask you to go to Passover after you had
to work two nights in a row.
[LAUGHS]
That is incredibly rude of her.
That's highly specific, but--
Highly specific, but--
[LAUGHS]
As a PA, have you seen any--
Man, he has all the questions.
You don't do shit, man.
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
I'm-- I'm--
He's drinking, asking all the questions.
[LAUGHS]
He's like, so hey, uh.
So anyway.
You like stunts and--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
I'm going to get this thing fucking rolling.
Kind of how interviews work.
I like it.
I mean, I don't make the rules.
I like it.
This is generally what happens.
Yeah, you keep the thing moving.
I like it.
So have you gotten a chance to take in the city?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, this time, especially when I was doing "Train Wreck,"
it was awesome.
Did you get a chance to take in the Bronx?
No, I have not had a chance.
Yeah, you know what it is.
Writers get ready.
Yeah.
I'm like--
He's taking someone to [INAUDIBLE] projects.
Hi.
[LAUGHS]
No, that would be fun.
Yeah.
No, but that's about it, man.
I remember the first time I ever came to New York.
I don't know if I told you this story.
First time I ever came was in '96, and I'm from Oklahoma.
And I came up out of the like--
oh my god, it was Times Square back when like Times
Square was, that know.
And I went into a video store and I was just
like looking at movies, because there's all these movies
you couldn't get in Tulsa.
And I was like, oh.
And the guy behind the counter went, yo, Stretch,
you going to rent anything?
[LAUGHS]
And I went, no.
He called you Stretch?
He called me Stretch.
He's like, Stretch, you going to rent anything?
And I said, no.
And he went, then get the fuck out of my store.
[LAUGHS]
I was like, this is awesome.
When you're called Stretch in New York,
then it's a compliment.
Stretch, yeah.
He's like, yo, Stretch, you fucking tall, lanky fuck.
You tall motherfucker.
You probably got a big pishkadil too, right?
Yeah, let's see it.
Whip it out there.
Let's see it.
Kiss me.
I was like, OK, New York.
This is a video store in New York.
In New York, you got a big pishkadil?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So Bill - to keep things on track.
Oh, whoa.
He's going to ask a question.
Yeah, listen. Curveball!
[LAUGHS] - Whoa.
The universe is--
Wacky Wednesday.
The universe is folding in on itself.
I'm going to ask a serious question, Bill.
Yeah?
What is your artistic process?
Oh, fuck you, man.
[LAUGHS]
See, fuck questions.
Fuck questions.
That's all we do here on this show.
We just come up and get drunk and talk shit.
Fuck outta here!
I don't know, man.
I wish I had an artistic process.
You just go in there and make it happen.
Yeah, I mean, we go up, and you know how it is.
It's just like anything.
Most of the stuff sucks.
For a long time, it stinks.
And I learned at SNL, and other places,
like you just had to trust like, OK, it's not working right now,
but it will work.
We just have to keep going in every day
and banging our head against the wall,
especially on a show like "Barry" that's so tightly
kinda written, and everything.
You just go in every day and just kind of stare at it
until it will suddenly make sense, or you talk it through.
And so much of it, too, is just finding
a room of people you can fail in front of,
do you know what I mean?
Because you're just going to blow it
over and over and over again.
Then finally, you're like, oh, it's this.
This is better, or you know, whatever it is,
and making it a discussion.
What's that feeling like, when you're banging your head
against the wall for two weeks, trying
to come up with something, and then
you finally get that one piece.
Oh, man.
It's the best thing ever.
Like season 2, this is like a full on-- if you haven't
seen season 2 of "Barry," this is
a spoiler alert, so whatever.
But when we figured out that--
Fuck you, just watch it.
Yeah, just don't.
Yeah.
But when we figured out that Loach would want Barry
to perform a hit for him, like you think Loach-- like when we
figured that out, that was one of those moments,
we're like, oh.
Duh.
Dummy.
[LAUGHS]
He's a hit man, guys.
And everybody's like, yeah, you're right.
He is a hit man.
That's how all the editors, the whole crew talks like that.
All my writers are like that, too.
Like, dang, that's so smart.
[LAUGHS]
That is some fucking smart ass shit.
Bill, you're so--
SNL, I love you.
I love that.
Bill, I know I've written for you for like two years,
but I got to tell you, SNL is fucking rad, man.
[LAUGHS]
Are you an OKC Thunder fan?
Yeah, I'm an OKC Thunder.
But I will say that I thought that the way
they went out this year was--
I mean, I had to just--
I mean, that shot.
Yeah.
Damian Lillard thing was rough, but also amazing.
Yeah.
But I was yelling at my TV for Paul George,
to get up in his face.
Why don't you want to--
Where were you at?
You're like six inches taller than him.
Get in his face.
Where were you at when you were watching that?
- I was at home. - Yeah.
In front of my TV, standing up, like this, going
[YELLING] What are you doing?
And I was like, his name's Logo.
That's his shot.
Did you appreciate the fire, the passion
with which Russell Westbrook played the game of basketball?
Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes I just wanted to be like--
do you know what I mean?
Drink the green tea.
Yeah, yeah.
Just take a green tea.
Like him running, I mean, he's so cr--
you know. - It's intense.
It's intense.
And then that video of him telling the fan he
was going to kill them was rad.
Him and the wife.
He's like, no, I will fuck you up.
No, no, no. It's not a joke.
I will fuck both of you up. And I was like--
[LAUGHS] - I like that energy.
Yeah, I love this guy.
[LAUGHS]
I watched that video because I was like,
oh, Russell Westbrook.
And I thought it was going to be him like screaming.
He was so calm.
That's the scariest part.
That was the scariest part.
I was like, I do not want to mess with that guy.
He's like, I'll kill you.
No, not you, those two.
He goes, I want to kill both of them.
Yeah.
The man and woman, I'm going to kill both of them.
Yeah, you two right there, row 2.
[LAUGHS]
I was like, that's the leader of our team.
That's the guy in charge?
Oh my god.
Bill, we could stay here for hours and talk to you, man.
- Really? - Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Me?
You know I don't give a shit.
He don't give a shit.
Like I'm just glad to be in a warm building, to be honest.
Can you imagine if this was us on a plane, me in between you
two guys? It'd be great.
Oh my god.
I'd be like, this is awesome.
The federal marshal will come over.
He's going to be like, shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
- This is an 8 hour flight. - We don't want to hear anymore.
We haven't even taken off.
Why y'all so loud?
[LAUGHS]
Man, I think you're smoking weed in the bathroom.
I'm like, what?
What are you talking about?
I lit a match because I went number 2.
I'm like, this is my comfort blunt.
[LAUGHS]
Get off the pane like immediately tweet like,
hey, flight was cool.
DESUS & MERO - Eh.
Emojis, that could mean something.
Oh.
No, every bodega-- you were just in a bodega, allegedly--
every bodega has a neon sign.
Neon sign usually says what's available for eating,
don't let this person get credit, whatever is available.
What would your neon sign say?
It could be life advice, could be a phrase or rhyme.
Oh my gosh.
Pin code for your bank account.
Oh, OK.
It's no--
[LAUGHS]
I had one last time.
It was-- yeah, yeah.
You don't talk about that.
You remember that?
[SHOT SOUND]
[LAUGHS]
The one I did last time.
I say, what last time?
Was there a last time?
Right here.
Yo, Hader, what would you like your neon sign to say?
I would like my neon sign to say, "Desus & Mero"
is the best show in late night.
Number one show at late night.
Please watch "Barry" on HBO.
[LAUGHS]
Yo, watch season 2 finale on Sunday of "Barry."
Barry.
Whoo, Barry.
Give it up for Bill Hader in the building, y'all.
[APPLAUSE]