- Okay people, what have you got for me?
- So I have been working on this story
about how Harry Reid is a murdering
satanist fascist rapist atheist.
Is that too many things?
- I don't think that's enough things.
Chris, what have you got?
- Donald Trump says, "What?"
- It's a good start, but what does he say?
- I don't know.
- Alright, well figure it out by two
and it had better not be true this time.
- Oh, come on!
Everything the guy says sounds fake.
- That's not my problem.
Terry.
- I'm working on a story on conflicts
of interest in government.
- Why?
No, Terry I looked at your earlier work on this piece.
I don't think there's not a story there.
- How can you say that?
There's barely anything here.
It's almost all fake.
- No, this is thoughtful journalism
and I'm looking for sub-tabloid schlock.
- I just wrote five stories.
- This is what I'm looking for.
Can you do that for me for once?
Thank you.
- Peter, take a look at this.
- Where did you get this?
- I made it up.
- Holy shit.
How deep does this thing go?
- As deep as you want.
As deep as you want.
- My god.
Okay, change of plans people.
I want everyone working this pope corruption piece.
- What about my conflict of interest story?
- Oh what about it, Terry?
What about it?
This isn't the Times, for Christ's sake.
This is patriotnews.info.
We don't have a reputation to uphold.
Look at those awards.
Do you see that?
A lot of sweat and blood went into
photoshopping those awards.
- This story could define my career!
- Oh, your career.
This is bigger than you, kid!
Why'd you get into fake news in the first place?
- Honestly, I don't know.
It's crazy that it exists.
- Well, I'll tell you why I do it.
I do this because I believe the truth is powerful and it
takes constant vigilance to drown out that truth with noise.
I do this because the powerless deserve a voice
and maybe that voice should be a crazy
wackadoo coked-up conspiracy theorist
meth head with a bad sense of humor.
I do this because I believe that politicians
should be held accountable for the things
we say they did, whether or not
they actually did those things.
You're a fake news man.
Start acting like one.
- I don't have sources.
- What did you say?
- Sources, hundreds of them, all
of them totally non-existent.
I don't have quotes from named figures.
I don't have peer reviewed studies.
I even don't have video evidence and
none of it points to a worldwide conspiracy
of the highest institutions of power including you Pete.
- Piss off a lot of people running a story like that
which would probably get us a lot
of clicks so who gives a shit.
(laughter)
- I know, I know, so many clicks.
- Clicks, clicks, clicks, clicks!
(ominous music)
- Hi. It's Mike Trapp from College Humor.
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