Welcome to the Kill Count where we tally up the victims in all our favorite horror movies
I'm James A. Janisse, and you know how sometimes movies get re-released with special editions? Well
that's what you're getting today 'cause once again, we are looking at Freddy vs.
Jason- both the eighth Nightmare on Elm Street, and the 11th Friday the 13th released in 2003, ten years after the teaser
we got at the end of Jason goes to hell. As with most special edition
re-releases a lot of what you're about to see was in the original release of this video
But I wanted to record a new updated version now that I know a lot more about Freddy and also now that I'm way better
at making videos. This movie's still a mixed bag for me with its superficial characters,
and the double hitter of bad special effects- talking about the choppy
slow-motion and making everyone fly through the air when they get hit by something.
But if you're just watching this to see Freddy and Jason beat the shit out of each other you won't be disappointed-
there's lots of it
and it's graphic as hell. This crossover was a huge deal for the genre
Putting these two horror icons together with something being talked about since the 80s and the studios went through dozens of screenplays trying to figure
Out the best way to do it. The premise they settled on is one in which the kids in Springwood have forgotten about Freddy, leaving
him powerless and unable to visit them during their beddy-bye time so Freddy manipulates Jason to come back from hell and scare the kids into
thinking Freddy's back, so we'll start dreaming about him again and bring him back to power.
Maybe that's not as cool as them
Competing for Satan's respect by seeing how many people each one could kill or whatever else those older scripts had
But you know what? it works well enough and delivers lots of kills. So let's get to 'em.
Movie begins with Freddie bitching about getting burned to death by the parents of all the little kids he's murdered. Yeah well
that's what happens man. Maybe don't kill kids
I'm actually gonna count this little girl in the beginning as an off-screen death for Freddie since he approaches her, she screams,
and then he's licking the picture of her and putting it in a scrapbook- calm down there Freddie
this isn't the remake just yet.
There was a fun montage of stuff from the Elm Street movies
But I noticed they're almost all from the first three, aka
The good ones. Freddie says he searched through hell for someone to kill for him until he got a really promising
application by a mr. Jason Voorhees. through Jason's mask we transport to what appears to be Crystal Lake
How do we know it's Crystal Lake?
Well this Heather chick is doing a midnight solo skinny dip- that's usually a good indication
She eventually winds up in the woods with Jason behind her and he impales her against the tree with his trusty machete
I'm still putting this one on the list even though Heather's not actually real as revealed
when she pops her head up and morphs into a bunch of different people, which is weird. Pamela Voorhees shows up and tells Jason to
Wake up and get back to killin'. Too bad for Jason, she's actually Freddy in disguise and too bad for us
It's not actually Betsy Palmer
They asked her to do it
but she was done with this shit by then. Jason's heart starts beating and he wakes up his sleepy head puts on some clothes and
shakes up his dirt bed and wanders off into the woods so he can get killing again
The movie starts properly with a title card and some new metal courtesy of Spineshank
And you know what? it's not that dreadful it's kind of grown on me
It's time to meet our protagonist who happens to live at the best goddamn house ever built
You know I mean that dope Dutch colonial- The Elm Street House! Our final girl is Lori. That's right Lori,
not Laura and her buddies, are Kia and Gibbs they're all boring and superficial. "Do you guys think I should get a nose job?"
It's one of the worst parts about this movie- these characters
just plain suck, and it's a bummer having to watch them for 90 minutes. The worst of them all is Trey- a guy
who's a major dick to his girlfriend. "whoa, babe what did I tell you about
kissin me after you smoke? Huh, babe make me ask you twice, okay? Babe. You know I don't like to be touched after
Okay"
Thankfully he's the first to get got after he cracks open a cold
Post-coital beer Jason shows up and stabs him in the back a whole bunch of times
like over and over and over before folding him up into bed like a human futon. "babe
You know I can only fall asleep when I'm shaped like a v, okay?"
For whatever reason Jason leaves without killing the other kids
So they alert the police who try to cover up what they think is the return of Freddy Krueger
"It's got to be Freddy Krueger." "Hey, don't even say that son of a bitch's name out loud"
Yeah mothafuckas act like they forgot about Fred, but Lori overhears the name and after talking to officer Stubbs (that one dude from Scary
Movie) she falls asleep at the police station right after remembering Freddy's name
This triggers a fun little creepy dream sequence with disappearing bloody
Footprints, some missing kid posters on loan from the Hogwarts PD and this super creepy little girl
It culminates in a reunion performance by the Jump Rope Girls, and they know what the crowd came to hear
On to more victims like Trey's friend Blake, who's also a total douche of a human being "you know about feng shui?" and who's actor
Recently graduated from the Nicolas Cage Academy of Acting "my best friend was just KILLED dad
so how about giving me some fucking space?" he falls asleep on his porch and Freddy shows up to kill him
But it turns out Krueger is still too impotent to do the job himself
I swear this never happens to me bitch! Freddy friggin talks directly to the audience as he lets them know that he'll let Jason have some fun
Blake wakes up unharmed and finds his father decapitated by Jason- aww- but if his Alex Jones lookin dad had survived
He could have spread
Conspiracies about all these kids getting killed because that's what alex jones does-he's a bad man. Blake barely has time to think about what?
he'll do with all that
Inherited Infowars money before jason appears behind him and uses his machete to slash Blake to death off-screen. Sure it's an off-screen death
But at least we get to see the hilarity of Blake using his father's head as a shield. Next up on our crossover
Itinerary is Weston Hills, the infamous psych ward that served as the setting for everyone's favorite nightmare sequel. Hanging out
there is Lori's ex Will and his buddy Mark - two pretty likable
Characters since Will is played by John Ritter's son and Marks just a lot of fun to watch
Yeah, you take that pill, bro
They escape the hospital and then we're subjected to like 20 minutes of just watching these crappy characters lead their crappy lives
We're here for Freddy vs. Jason not Freddy vs. Kelly Rowland. Also like shouldn't her nose
be gone in real life after that? Mark tries to convince Will that Freddy is real and was responsible for his brothers apparent suicide. He
also accidentally spreads the good word of Freddy Krueger to the entire high school like a big dumb Fred evangelist. That night everyone heads to a
crazy cornfield rager
You know, standard high school party setting. The resident nerd Linderman shows up
uninvited and gets hazed by this Bobby Moynihan looking guy named
Shack but don't feel too bad for Linderman- dudes even more pretentious than I was in high school "you tear me down
To make yourself feel better because you really hate yourself
Which is kind of pathetic when you actually stop and think about it assuming of course you can think with all that
Makeup weighing down your head." Okay, actually that does sound like something. I would have said in high school verbatum. Damn.
Don't be a Linderman or like a high school me. Gibb ends up passing out and during her dream wanders into a boiler room because
Freddy just likes to do his work where he's the most comfortable, okay?
He stalks her around doing some fun callbacks to classic nightmare moments, but before he can kill her himself
She erupts from a real life wound spitting blood in Freddy's face and disappearing from his dream world. Damn Fred
You just got your kill stolen. cause turns out Jason wants to party too
So he impaled Gibb to the ground with a pipe. In the process
He also kills this ridiculous-looking glowstick guy who straight up out to rape Gibb while she was passed out
But as we saw in Jason Takes Manhattan, Mr.
Voorhees don't take kindly to sexual assaulters, so he murders the would-be rapist with that big ol rusty
pipe. fuck that guy!
See you later! Jason emerges from the cornstalks like an oversized child of the corn and twist this jock guy's head around in a gross
display of early 2000 CG
It's a real bad effect
And that dude is probably just standing there wearing his jacket
Backwards as he falls down. Shack lights Jason on fire with some Navy strength gin which is just a joke y'all
Shack was probably just drinking shitty jungle juice whatever was in that cup it definitely wasn't flammable enough to cause this awesome fire stunt
But that's okay
How ever we can get this overhead shot of flaming Jason in a cornfield is fine by me
Shack runs away in that nasty
low framerate slow motion before Jason's finally like "boom!" throws his blade in the air for a stab it goes through Shack's body god damn!
I swear I'm just telling you the fast of how Jason killed Shack. Fire Jason joins the party and goes on a killing spree but too bad all
The kills are really fast machete swipes
So they're not all that satisfying- especially this third one look at this: Jason clearly misses with his swipe
But then the guy suddenly has a wound in the middle of his body spraying blood all over the place
There are six kills here, which yes are kills 10 through 15- count this shit on your fingers people
It's not that hard. Will drives Lori home where she argues with her dad about a shoehorned in subplot
That's just there to get Freddy a little extra purpose in this movie apparently her mom died a bit ago
And Will says that her dad's the one who did it since he saw him stabbing her with a knife again this whole thing is
Really forced- we don't need Freddy and Lori to have some kind of past connection. Lori runs off with Will to Mark's house where Mark is
Having a nightmare about his brother's suicide. Yo, you didn't tell me your brother was Scut Farkus mark. He has yellow
Eye, so help me God. Yellow Eyes! Freddie lights mark on fire
just as Will and Lori show up at his window so they get ringside tickets to Freddy killing Mark with an invisible face slash. Just
to be sure he doesn't get another kill stolen, Freddy brands Mark like a cattle to let everyone know who's back that is now
The kids all get together with Stubbs to hatch a plan against Freddy and Jason and this is where the movie completely loses itself
It's bad enough
We have to spend more time with these shitty characters including this dude Freeburg who's a straight ripoff of Jay from the view askewniverse?
And screw that clown
What kind of a pussy comes after you in your dreams anyway? now that that big-ass motherfucker back at the
Cornfield, tell me who the fuck that was
He'll fuck anything that moves!
But even worse is the real clunky exposition. Wait a minute Freddy died by fire Jason by water how can we use that?
We should concentrate on Jason first
but I thought we decided that Freddy was the one pulling the strings, shouldn't we go after him first? This sounds like the
Screenwriters working the story out aloud. Lori nods off and Freddy attacks her and when the gang wakes her up, they discover that classic
Elm Street fact that you can pull stuff from the dream world into the real world- like Freddy's ear
They finally settle on a plan to go get Hypnocil
everyone's favorite dream
suppressant from the psych ward. They break in and the only security guard there ends up being unable to stop that since he's got a
Bigger problem on his hands when Jason's knock-knock-knocking at the door. The guard ends up flattened beneath the door
But sadly the flattening happens off-screen
Also sad is the CG blood which looks terrible, but was probably cheaper, and that's probably why it's all over this movie
You know what's also CG and terrible? this fucking Freddy caterpillar that shows up and tokes down with Freeburg. Look
I'm down like Alice when it comes to getting high with bugs
But Freeburg fucks up and falls asleep- having a terrible nightmare before getting possessed by Toki the caterpillar
Then he spills all the drugs down the sink like a total narc. not cool, bro
Jason shows up and smashes this electrical panel thing with his machete
enabling him to grab on his Stubbs and electrocute him in turn he ends the kill with a classic Jason maneuver smashing Stubbs into the
panel and taking out the power of the building at the same time. Then the Freddy possessed Freeburg tries to stop Jason with a bunch of
Tranquilizers he gets them in but then Jason cuts Freeburg in half with his machete
I mean in the end it did knock Jason out
So I guess the plan was a success
For Freddy's point of view- just not from Freeburg's cuz y'know, he's laying there cut in half. Snoochie Boochie. With Jason unconscious
He finds Freddy in dreamland
And they have a mankind versus Undertaker style boiler room brawl- SummerSlam 96 y'all even though
This is sort of a warm-up bout it's actually a fun fight- since it's in a dream Freddy has the upper hand he even plays
Jason like a pinball machine at one point
But it ends in a bizarre fashion with Freddy figuring out that Jason's afraid of water
Yeah, you know Jason's well-known aquaphobia
Which is why he's never gone in the water once during any of the 10 Friday films that came before this. Not a single
Goddamn time. Then Jason turns back into a weird little naked boy and Freddy jams his finger knife in his brain
Which causes us to go inside his mind even though we were already kind of there since we were in his dream
So what are these? Memories? I don't fucking know man
All I know is that the kids are driving Jason's body to Crystal Lake, which is in New Jersey eight hours away from Springwood
Ohio whatever just roll with it. They put Lori under
So she can find Freddy, grab him, and bring him out to the real world. She visits a dream world that you can tell is
a dream because of the choppy slow-motion. Oh what they've been using that effect this entire movie regardless of reality? Cool
She watches as kid Jason gets teased by other
Campers who push him into the lake where Freddy takes over and starts to drown him- that effects real-world Jason
So Kia reluctantly goes to give him mouth-to-mouth
But then he wakes up and the whole thing goes to hell with the van
crashing and Jason's body flying out of it. This wakes him up and removes him from the dream world so Freddy attacks Lori instead and
Then shows her a flashback or something of when he killed her mom. Yep. Turns out Will saw her dad
Just trying to kill Freddy, I guess. The important thing here
Is that Freddy gets another kill on the count, cuz damn is Jason kicking his ass in that department!
Yeah, we know Freddy
He stole your Gibb kill, but that only accounts for one. Freddy gets all sexual on Lori because that's what Freddy does
But then the plan actually works and Lori pulls him into the real world where he has a fight with Jason inside a flaming building
Which is what Freddy's afraid of, remember? Freddy died by fire Jason by water how can we use it?
This is another fun little brawl, the first part of the gigantic finale. Highlights include Jason sweeping Freddy across a bunch of windows and eventually
Throwing him to high heaven with that stupid flying effect
that's all over this movie
During the fight, Linderman also gets slammed against the wall and impaled with a metal bracket thing. So while Freddy and Jason Duke it out
Kia helps Linderman sit against a tree she says she'll be back for him later
But it's too late, Kia. Dude bleeds out and dies. Out of all the nightmare and Freddy films
Is this the only kill where someone's just kind of left on their own to expire? sucks for Linderman. Kia runs back to distract Freddy
away from Lori and Will, but before Freddy can up his KD with another kill for himself, Jason shows up and whacks Kia against a
Tree with his machete with enough force to send her flying through the air like the sandbag in Smash Bros
But not enough to cut her in half?
How dull is that blade? Freddy and Jason go at it again, this time in the film's main event. It's got a nice build to
it, starting with
some standard slashing and bludgeoning and then moving on to more fun stuff. Freddy flies through the air and lands by some big air tank
things that he then sends against Jason like a bunch of torpedoes. The one that lands sends Jason also flying through the air and their
fight continues at a construction site where Jason gets a bunch of poles impaled through his body
and they both get hit by this dolly thing, again flying through the air and landing on the Crystal Lake dock. There we get the
biggest and most gruesome hits of the battle. Jason slashes Freddy a bunch and causes blood to spray everywhere, Freddy slices off a few of
Jason's fingers leaving him a little nubby nub hand, and then Freddy just fucking wails on Jason with his own machete
Finally, most graphically,
he jams his finger knives straight through Jason's mask good god! not to be outdone,
Jason manages to rip off Freddy's arm, even as Freddy gets one last big machete stabbed in. Its obscenely bloody brutal stuff
And it's all a lot of fun to watch. Then Lori runs over looking like the bustiest Olympic torch carrier
You've ever seen and lights the whole thing on fire. The fire hits a propane tank and you know what happens next: Jason and Freddy
fly through the air.
But at least this stunt is actually real and looks good because of it. In fact, stunt performers Douglas Chapman and Glenn Ennis were nominated
For an award for this so good on them! Lori and Will think it's all over, meaning
this is obviously at their first horror film, because out of the lake ready, to do just a bit more killing with that machete comes
Freddy haha you think it's Jason, but it's Freddy. That's fun.
He goes to kill them with the machete
But Jason comes from behind and impales Freddy with his own finger knives Nancy Thompson style. Then Jason just back flops into Crystal Lake
Aquaphobia and all. Lori picks up the machete and gives Freddy a taste of his own one-liner medicine
Then decapitates the man in the red and green sweater
Giving us a nice spurt and fountain of blood and the last time
We'll ever see Robert Englund get killed as Freddy. Good work Lori, you did it. Afterwards
She tosses Jason's machete into the lake as a sign of I don't know respect? closure? evidence disposal?
It doesn't matter. She and Will limp away through the burning campground
Survivors of the greatest matchup in horror history. Now, you may be asking why I didn't include Jason on the kill count. Well you stupid
bastard it's because of course
he's still alive! The final shot of the film has Jason emerging slowly from the lake with his trusty machete in one hand and Freddy's head
in the other- the victor of this epic showdown wait did Freddy just wink at us? Too bad Fred
I'm still counting you as dead, mostly because you put up such a poor showing in this thing. Don't believe me? Let's go the numbers
I counted twenty three deaths in Freddy vs.
Jason. Jason secured 19 of them and Freddy only had 3, with Lori nabbing the ultimate kill of Freddy himself,
Only five of the victims were women,
Meaning 18 were male giving us a pretty imbalanced gender
distribution. With a run time of 97 minutes, that gives us a kill on average every 4.2 minutes
I'll still give the Golden Chainsaw for coolest kill to Trey, for that folding in half trick even though if you look real closely you
Can see his eye move while the camera trucks back. This time though Dull Machete for lamest kill goes to Linderman, because I thought about
It and realized that he just sits against a tree and dies on his own- that's lame as hell!
And that's it. Released in 2003, Freddy vs.
Jason made more at the box office than any entry in either
Franchise so it's kind of weird we never got a sequel to it
I hope you enjoyed my special nightmare edition of this video cuz it kind of screwed up my work schedule
But we'll be back on track next week when we close off the Elm Street series with that god awful
2010 remake. Until then, i'm James A. Janisse, this has been the Kill Count. Thanks a lot for watching my Kill Count on Freddy vs.
Jason. I want think a couple of my patrons, like Troy Or and Tracy S. I also want to thank a couple of Practical Folks
Fans who sent me this shirt, Kaylee Coomer and Chelsey Howard. I do have a p.o box
I'll put the address in the description. Part of the reason I did a special edition of this video was because the original version got age-restricted
Hopefully that doesn't happen again. If you've seen both versions, let me know what you think of the differences. Be good people!