I'm so fricken uptight. I can't get anything done.
Let's have sex.
Honey, I love you so much so please, please, please
believe me when I tell you this.
You smell.
- Coffee! Coffee! - Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, baby. No, no, this is a grown-up drink,
just like the big vodka I'm gonna have after your parents pick you up.
Please, use mine.
Well, glad to see that you got your cardio workout in.
You stay out of the garbage and you stay out of the big cold box.
Do you understand what Mommy is saying?
- Yes, ma'am. - OK.
Good, I'll see you tonight.
Actually, maybe we are meant to have a baby and
my dad is our baby.
The only difference is we don't change him.
Yet.
I don't want you to quit the team. I never wanted you to quit the team.
I just wanted you to want to quit.
Well, why didn't you just say that?
Well, I couldn't say that. If I had said that,
then you wouldn't really be wanting to quit.
You'd just be wanting it because I wanted you to want it.
Do you have any magazines with recipes for, I don't know,
an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten people?
Uh, we did have some cooking magazines but
it looks like we're all sold out.
Do you know how to cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner for ten people?
Doug, then run, they hike, they scuba dive.
I mean, I can't even find one of us here where we're even standing up!
We're trying to make a baby. I want it to be special and wonderful
and right.
You wanna sneak one in in the morning?
No, I don't wanna sneak one in!
Our kid is gonna ask me one day how he or she came to be
and I don't want to say, "Well, your dad had at me while I was brushing my teeth."
Come on Carrie, I'm sorry. You know I love you. I love you however you are.
Drunk, sober, mean, nice.
Oh, that's sweet, honey, and I love you however you are.
fat, really fat, lose five pounds but still fat.
Thank you so much for throwing that brunch tomorrow.
Oh, no problem, just my way of sending you off in style.
Now that you're married, we're probably not gonna talk as much.
- Sure we are! - No we won't, no we won't.
Oh, I'm just here to return another jacket, I bought it yesterday.
Oh, was there some problem with it?
Uh, no actually.
When I got home last night, turns out my husband already
bought me a leather jacket. He does that kind of stuff all the time.
He's a doctor.
I care!
She's my neighbor.
My friend. She's a human being.
And she hasn't given me the key to her beach house yet.
This is good.
You know what?
Suddenly I feel less bitchy and easier to live with.
The Chinese really dropped the ball when it came to the desserts, huh?
I know, it's like what, you can't jam a fortune
into a piece of fudge cake?
Yesterday, I had no husband, no baby and today I have a husband,
and two babies and I'm in China.
That's a lot of change for one day.
Alright, but I still think we need to live a little bit more.
All because of these people? Carrie, we don't even know who they are!
They could be axe murderers!
At least that's an activity!
Honey, you're gonna kill me. I can't make it.
My boss has a really big trial coming up and he wants me to stay late tonight.
No, we need you at the game. None of the guys can curse as good as you.
Hey, Bernstein!
Your mother's a [bleep],
who wants to [bleep] for two dollars!
You pitch like you got a [bleep] up your [bleep].
Look way up there, a space!
Oh, I'm going for it.
Oh no, the Lincoln's taking it.
Oh, she ain't there yet, baby.
This is a one-way, you're going the wrong way down a one-way here.
I'm betting she'll brake first!
[screaming]
Whoa!
Oh, honey, no. See, little short circles,
and quick circles with a lot of elbow grease.
See, let me show you, like this.
See?
OK, you got it?
You know, not really. Can you show me more?
The only reason stores let you return stuff is if there's
a problem with it.
There is a problem with it, Doug.
It cost 1,800 dollars. Slap it high, buddy, come on.
Her name is Ming Mae, she's four days old. Isn't she beautiful.
I'd have to call the adoption agency and tell them we're on the next
flight out to Beijing, I can't believe I'm making this call.
I mean, I've ordered Chinese before, but never a baby.
Oh, yeah!
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.
OK, this is taking an awkward amount of time.
Yeah, yeah.
[music playing]