I see a window behind you and it's a sliding one.
So sliding windows, as long as they don't go down
are always openable from the outside.
Oh, hey that's a fun thing to know!
Thank you for that!
That's a really cool thing to know in my new house,
in this new neighborhood,
that there is a point of entry for people
if they just wanna come inside.
You should be very worried.
Cells proliferate, and then it creates disease!
Wait, are you doing a bit?
Is that real?
Is it real that you can really slide-
No. Oh, you fucker!
You fucker!
No, no, no, no.
You're fine, you're safe.
Okay.
Is this the new house? Yeah.
Because on the show you had made the
entire studio audience on "Conan" yell "buy me a house".
[Crowd] Buy me a house!
Buy me a house!
I don't think there's anything people like more
than someone asking someone who's very wealthy
to buy them something very expensive.
And I think the way the entire audience just turned
on Conan and then just started chanting with me.
It's one of the most thrilling moments of my life.
I think when you're on TV,
people have this idea that you have millions of dollars.
If you've ever appeared on television before,
you are a billionaire and could just afford a house.
'Cause people are like, "Well you could pay for that!"
And I'm like, I made $47.
(Sona laughing)
The inflated sense that we have that anyone
on TV is cash rich.
Though it's fair that Conan could afford
to buy you a house in deep Glendale.
Well first of all, it's Altadena.
And I think you thought Glendale 'cause I'm Armenian.
Yes, which congratulations on the,
it's not what you say when you raise awareness.
What?
(TV signal beeping)
Is that what that is?
'Cause I will be fine to admit that,
that I was ignorant to it.
I thought it was like a reminder
of like, "Hey, this terrible genocide happened."
But, there is a new issue.
There's an area in,
there's an area near Azerbaijan and Armenia called Artsakh.
And then the Soviet Union gave it to Azerbaijan.
But it's like 95% Armenian and they govern it
and they run it.
And then Azerbaijan just suddenly brought Turkey in.
And was like, "Hey Turkey, come and let's,
let's invade this area."
And Armenians are like, what the fuck?
And so, yeah, that's what's happening right now.
It's awful.
I mean, it could become an all-out war.
And you know, Armenians in LA, we're very vocal.
Very vocal, shut down the 101.
Yeah.
So you've probably seen a lot of Armenian flags
on a lot of cars.
There's a bunch of, a bunch of cars
on the 101 and saw the orange and blue flag everywhere.
The past two weeks they've been really getting it
out there, but I've just been not paying attention
to the message.
But now we know. Now you know!
You've been doing a Team Coco show,
"Sona Movsesian Fixes Your Life".
(musical flourish plays)
Where you've talked about how you could scam
the "pet support system" as my pet animal.
"How do I convince my husband then
our landlord we need a pet?"
You need a pet!
Look up all the reasons people have service dogs,
whether it's like social anxiety.
Then it becomes like a medical issue.
You've also talked about something called juice-juice.
"How do you manage a stressful day at work?"
Something called juice-juice time.
Trouble at work, you're stressed?
Drink on the job.
That's juice-juice time?
You know, am I qualified?
Some would say maybe I'm not.
But I think that I am because I've lived.
And so when these people ask me these questions
that are very serious, I like to like take
from my experiences.
And say wen I'm stressed at work,
I do things like I have juice-juice time,
which is you take a normal-looking beverage,
whatever it is, orange juice.
And then you put a little bit of vodka
in there or any other type of alcohol
that's easily accessible.
Then you put it on your desk in a, like water bottle
or some sort of hidden vessel.
Yes, a cocktail. Yes.
You mix alcohol with,
you're saying, a non-alcoholic beverage.
Right, right, right.
You take something, I don't know,
we'll call it like, you mix it.
So let's call it a mixer.
Call it a mixer (laughing).
You take some alcohol and then you put it
in this "mixer" and then.
Yeah?
That way you can have a nice buzz
but you're not getting like, you know,
"Hollywood Boulevard" wasted at work.
Okay, so it flies under the radar.
I'm always nervous about that.
Even for like doing standup live,
like that people would know I'm drunk for some reason.
Has anyone caught on to you in the office?
I've been to your desk, it's fluorescent lights.
There's always episodes of a "Friends" playing.
There's a bunch of junk on there.
Has anyone been like, "Hey, you seem happy.
What's wrong?"
Yeah.
It's happened.
First of all I should say,
I don't do juice-juice time all the time.
I think that's like,
that's a problem. Yeah.
But when I do do it, my eyes do kind of glaze over
and my reaction time slows down.
And so I think people are like,
"You have a fun lunch?"
That's code for that.
(laughing) I don't know.
They're like, "Something's different about you."
Be like, "I got highlights."
And they're like, "What?"
And then they're on to the next thing.
Yeah, "Sona Fixes Your Life",
I think that I've fixed a lot of lives.
It's amazing what you can do
by just answering a single question that people have.
Could you fix my life right now?
(musical flourish playing)
I'm supposed to go back out on the road
because I'm supposed to shoot this special.
And some comedy clubs are open.
I know, HBO Max special. [Sona] Hey!
Some comedy clubs are open
and I'm a little worried right now.
I think if, I think if I could fixed my life,
that maybe the clubs aren't the most sanitary environments,
that maybe they're not taking it as seriously
as like a big brand like Target.
'Cause just like, a comedy club employee.
It's like, "Meh, I wiped that down."
No, comedy clubs are, have always been disgusting.
Yeah.
I'm gonna digress for a second.
So, I feel like I've never seen like an updated comedy club.
And so you have no like, okay.
So once I went, this is really random.
I went to the Playboy mansion once.
Yeah. And I went there,
not for a party.
I went there for a nice lunch with two other people
and we just sat and we had lunch.
There was no like naked girls running around or anything.
But then I got a tour of the Playboy mansion after,
and they took us to this one room.
We open this door and the floor is like a soft, cushy bed.
And it's clear that there were just like orgies
on orgies on orgies in here.
And I don't think that they changed
that flooring since like 1976.
Right.
'Cause there's no fitted sheet for a floor.
Well it's like, it's like the carpet.
It's just, it's weird.
It was like a very soft flooring.
My point is I look at comedy clubs that same way
as I do as that room that was
in the Playboy mansion. Yeah.
And like back in the day, people were like doin' it.
And they were like doing coke and whatever.
So there's like, the entire club is just full
of jizz and coke remnants, and like drinks
that people spilled and people laughing,
and there's spit all over the place.
And the jizz.
If you're a good comedian, the whole audience is jizzing.
So much jizz (laughing).
The comic's jizzing.
Yeah, you are right that they're not updated at all
in the fact that there'll still be like photos up
of canceled comedians that were canceled a long time ago.
Like, that guy was canceled for doing jokes
about the Challenger and that's still up.
(laughing) But I think you'll be fine.
Okay.
So your advice for me is, "I think you'll be fine
and watch out for jizz puddles."
(makes slipping sound)
Yeah, like you've been to protests, I've been to protests.
Yeah.
That like, I thought that they were gonna be really scary.
If you have a mask and you stay away
from people and you don't touch anything
in the comedy club, then I think you're gonna be fine.
Okay. Yeah.
If you're gonna catch anything,
it's going to be like syphilis, not COVID.
Right, it's going to be a hepatitis,
it's gonna be yeah, one of the strains.
Which we have vaccines for, it's fine!
Please.
I always say don't let hepatitis dominate your life.
Yeah, give me hepatitis!
No don't, (laughing) that was a terrible thing to say.
No, don't.
No, I was trying to say like,
I'd rather have something that's treatable than, what?
You were just included in the "DIY Conan".
Where they reanimated, fans of the show reanimated
your interview, when you were on the show
after Kumail canceled. Yeah.
So there's animators submitting.
There's people playing you.
How, how did you feel about the portrayal?
I loved it for the most part.
For the most part, it was all very flattering and sweet.
There was one that someone drew
where I look like 400 pounds.
Is this the one that you had the super powers?
Like you come out and you completely evaporate Andy?
That's not it, but now you're making me think
that there's an, oh maybe that is.
It was a hand-drawn animation where I'm like.
(harp notes playing)
Your signature face, your headshot, yeah.
(laughing) Oh my God, this person has no neck.
(laughs) You know when they put a chin mark,
like right here?
And then it's just like.
Yeah, the space, oof!
Oh, is that how people see me?
But I, you know it's fine.
But everything else, it was really sweet.
I mean you know, I can't say anything-
The drawings are tough.
And I think what happens when people draw you
is they accentuate the one feature about your face
that you maybe don't like.
It's the most extreme in an effort to capture you.
And it's flattery, but it is the meanest roast of your life.
You're like, "Oh, well now I'm worried about that part."
What's the feature?
Let's talk about it.
The photo of me looked like,
it looked like if Dobby from "Harry Potter" was allowed
to become a real boy. (laughing)
It is very troubling!
(Sona laughs)
It was just like, "Oh, we gave him some man features."
Every time they do those things of like,
"Homer Simpson, what if you look like,
what would he look like as a real human?"
It looked liked that, but with Dobby.
Aw, but Moses, I think that just means
that you're very like,
you're delicate.
I die on a beach, yeah.
Yeah, like I'm not trying to be mean.
But you are, you look like a prince from another era
that like no one was allowed to touch.
A delicate prince.
Yes. (laughing)
Yes, that is what I go,
"What's my brand, a delicate prince.
And don't touch this me, sir!"
(Sona laughs)
That's somehow worse than the animation.
That's worse than the drawing.
Oh come on, it's nice!
You know what's good about it?
Is if somebody comes up to you
and is like trying to underestimate you.
Like, I mean-
I'm a delicate prince!
You're not allowed to touch me!
I'm a prince, not even a king.
A prince means I didn't even earn it.
I was born into the status.
(laughing) Yes.
Don't touch my crimson milk skin.
Have you ever been in a fight?
I feel like you're just like a lover, not a fighter.
Yeah, I was in a fight.
Maybe I was like 19.
Have you been in a fight?
Never.
I've been in a lot of verbal fights,
but never a physical one.
It is insane when you zoom out
of a, 'cause like my girlfriend and I are very close.
And we're also very loud together.
It started when we were making fun of couples
that had like weird names which are like "Sugar Cookie"
and we're like what's the worst nickname?
But now we've completely abandoned that bit.
So we're actually calling each other
like, "You're Garbage, you're Pee."
(Sona laughs)
And there was just a woman like watering her plants
and had never heard this before.
So terrified.
Oh my God, I love your girlfriend.
Can you tell Kantu I said hello?
She loves you!
She's always mad in the corner over there.
You just keep her in the corner while you do this?
Just tell her like, "Don't move from that spot"?
It's not that I keep her there.
She takes up residence in the corner,
will mark her territory with some pee and then-
(Sona laughing)
She's always ready to attack.
She pees in a circle.
My girlfriend's ready to attack.
And she's up on the ceiling like the movie "Hereditary",
where she's up, like ready to pounce.
(Sona laughs)
She wants me to stop doing this show.
She creates all these burner accounts,
so all the YouTube comments, like,
"This show sucks, where's Conan?"
It's all her.
Oh my God.
That's the twinkle of fear that's in my eyes.
So how do I fix that?
Fix my life.
I think you just give her whatever she wants.
Sona, thank you so much for joining us.
That was fun.
I love talking to you, Moses.
Right?
Let's do this when it's not recorded.
I'm down!
Where are you living?
Are you in (bleeping)?
Oh, let me give you my exact address on the air.
Yeah, (bleeping).
The (bleeping) on.
The (bleeping) really just (bleeping).
Yeah, yeah.
We're the only people still here in LA.
Everybody's fled.
Yeah, well, the world's ending.
Thank you so much for joining us.
"Sona Movsesian Fixes Your Life" is the show.
Go to the Team Coco Instagram, you can see it all.
Bye Moses. Bye Sona.
Say hi to Kantu for me.
Kantu!
She won't come off the ceiling.
Okay, classic.
All right, bye!