When I told my brother I was reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie,
he said on his copy he had crossed out the word “Influence” on the front cover, and
replaced it with the word “Inspire.”
That might be a more accurate title for the best-selling self-help book: How to Win Friends
and Inspire People.
Because Carnegie doesn’t just lay out principles for how to deal with people.
He also teaches us how to spark inspiration in them.
Learning how to work with people is a valuable skill.
Learning how to motivate them to follow us or take action is priceless.
Carnegie divides his book into three sections, each with a list of principles summarizing
the main ideas.
I won’t list out all the principles (you can find them through a quick Google search).
Instead, I’ve collected a few of my favorite quotes that capture the core, and most helpful,
recurring ideas.
If we can master the art of inspiration, we can find success anywhere we go.
“But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume
leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people — that person is headed for higher
earning power.”
How well you know your industry may have something to do with how many dollar bills are sitting
in your bank account right now.
But a much better predictor of wealth actually isn’t your technical knowledge — it’s
your ability to deal with, and inspire, other people.
Learn to lead.
Learn to communicate.
Learn to inspire confidence and excitement.
These are the skills that get paid big buckeroos because only some people ever master them.
“For ‘the great aim of education,’ said Herbert Spencer, ‘is not knowledge but action.’
And this is an action book.”
Carnegie focuses on real-life examples of people putting his principles to work.
He emphasizes the importance of taking direct and immediate action in order to see first-hand
how his principles operate in real life.
Learning is only useful if you put your new-found knowledge into motion.
Action is the source of change and growth.
In order to inspire others, we have to take action, put ideas to the test, and gain real
experience.
“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive
to justify himself.
Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense
of importance, and arouses resentment.”
Probably the worst thing you could do when trying to change someone else’s mind or
actions is criticize them.
Not only does it raise their hackles, but it also wounds their pride.
It’s easy to get frustrated when someone does something we don’t approve of.
It’s even easier to point it out and let our frustrations escape.
But this almost always leads to anger and resentment.
No one likes to be criticized.
No one likes to believe they did something incorrectly, poorly, or wrongly.
Everyone likes to think of themselves as valuable and capable.
Instead of criticizing, ask questions, and get to know the other person’s perspective
first.
You’ll be in a much better position to try to change their mind after you understand
them.
“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that
I can show to any human being, let me do it now.
Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
What harm is there in showing a little bit of generosity or kindness?
Why not show warmth and appreciation for another person?
It can be difficult to show a bit of kindness.
We think about ourselves and our own problems so much that we are easy to dismiss or reprimand
others.
Carnegie reminds us that we only have one chance at any interaction in life, so we might
as well show some generosity.
Because any fool can criticize — and most fools do.
It takes much more courage to be kind.
“We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item
is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…and nobody else.”
A person’s name may seem inconsequential.
A name is a name is a name.
There are a thousand Joes, Debras, and Keiths.
Then why do we thrill when someone calls us by our own names?
Despite the hundreds of other Jessica’s out there, we instinctively connect our identity
with our name.
The next time you meet someone, in business or in your personal life, make a point to
ask them their name.
Repeat it back to them.
Then use it the next time you see them.
You will instantly build rapport and show them that you took the time to care.
“A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills
a million people.
A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.”
Understanding how self-absorbed most people are will help you immensely in life.
First, it will give you the freedom to stop worrying about what other people think of
you — which is probably little to nothing.
Second, it will help you instantly connect with other people because you already know
the topic that most interests them: themselves.
After reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, I realized that deep down I had already
known many of the principles Carnegie suggests adopting.
However, I had yet to acknowledge and act on those ideas.
Once we put thoughts and feelings into words, they come into sharper focus.
It is then easier to use them in our daily lives.
Think of these quotes next time you find yourself in a difficult situation.
How can you listen and show some generosity?
Do you find yourself criticizing people you meet or loved ones?
How can you show someone in your life that you honestly appreciate them?
With just a few tweaks and little more generosity, we can start to not just influence people,
but inspire them.