Hey.
Why are you here with no adult supervision?
Wow, way to roast yourself.
How should I caption it?
"When your leftovers should have just been left."
Do you guys get it?
'Cause like, left and left...
At least you're pretty.
Ladies, may I present the latest Sunshine Girl:
Millicent Mitchell.
Aww...!
Oh, my God! She's so cute!
So adorable!
I don't need compliments. I need a way out of this.
Look, it's going to be great.
You'll get to do activities with kids your own age, earn badges,
and, the best part,
you and I will get to spend a lot more time together.
If you want to hang out more just ask,
so I can try to pencil you in.
You seem really excited to just be at a coffee place.
Yeah, because I can't wait to meet the person
who always tells you to
[low-pitched] "do better".
So good...
Here, let me help with that.
Not on my watch!
You're proposing already?!
He is so needy.
I'm helping her buckle a shoe.
That's how it all starts.
Back off, Cinderella.
Millicent, do not post that.
Shh, I'm making content.
I told you to stop recording me!
Just because you adopted me doesn't make you my dad.
Literally, it does.
That is exactly what it means.
- And send. - [sighs]
Can you like it to give it some traction?
Can you like it to give it some traction,
And I'm so happy, too.
Almost as happy as when we had Christmas in August.
Yes, and my dad shipped in all that real snow from Switzerland
because he said it had a "better crunch".
[laughing]
Aw, that's sweet.
My dad got me a fish named Doughnut.
It was on sale because it doesn't swim very fast.
Oh.
Hi, Millicent.
I know you're still upset with me,
but I think this will do the trick.
It's a USA Big Doll!
I even found one with your name.
She is from the British colonial era.
Nothing problematic about that.
Ooh, thanks. This totally erases the trauma you inflicted on me.
With more trauma.
Hi, Carly.
How's retirement?
I'm not retired.
You haven't posted for a month.
In Internet years, that's a decade.
It's okay, Carly,
go into the light.
Your channel has two subscribers.
I know, I'm one of 'em.
Ugh, now people are gonna think my channel is for olds.
How can you not see that this meatball is a ticking time bomb?
I'm going to check your timeline for more offensive content.
Oh, that's cute. You're protecting Carly.
No! I want to
Right, yeah, that makes more sense.
- Freddie? - Yeah?
You want to dad it up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Uh, there's nothing I can do to stop you, right?
- Nothing. - Alrighty, have fun.
[mouthing] Sorry.
Okay, let's see how you guys have mapped out your dreams.
Olive, we'll start with you.
Miss Kiki, I made a rainbow.
It represents community and unity.
Ugh, how derivative.
Great job, Olive!
I think that deserves some sunbeam fingers.
[squealing]
So, Millicent, what's on your board?
A penthouse condo, a pyramid made of gold bricks
and a life insurance policy.
You know, in case something happens to my future spouse.
I also drew a heart.
[squealing and giggling]
Crazy...
Oh, are you at our table too?
- I'm actually-- - Then why don't you go there?
Okay, let's do this.
This is important, so I put together a presentation
that people from your generation will understand.
Extra! Extra! Breaking news from the Emerald City!
What's that you say?
This little girl's gotten all A's
and still isn't allowed to have a doggie?
[film reel sound]
Aw, but she looks so lonely without a pupper.
How much is that doggie in the window?
It only costs two peanuts.
No.
What? But I made a video and everything,
and I'm in the hole for two clams on a 1940s lingo app.
I was born in the 90s!
Defense! Defense!
Okay, well, that's gotta be illegal.
[both] Travel!
Are you two watching sports?
God, no. It's our favorite reality show,
The Real Widows of Wisconsin.
It's kinda like sports except these ladies
throw shade, flip tables
and normally don't shower together.
Yeah, great role models.
And right now they're fighting
about the big trip of the season: Cincinnati.
Ooh!
Countess Deborah was 52 miles from diamond status
and couldn't use the lounge.
[both] Commercial break!
Would Freddie even let you watch a show like this?
He doesn't need to tell me not to.
I don't play in the gutter.
Hello, future Millicent.
Or should I say Congresswoman?
Happy 27th birthday.
I don't need to tell you my goals
as the next 20 years are already all planned out
in our bullet journal.
So, I'd just like to thank you
for turning into an amazing woman
despite all the odds being against you.
[groans]
Hey, hey, hey! Great news!
The Pear Store approved our app.
Wait, what's going on? Why isn't anybody working?
We're in the middle of a board meeting.
Motion to remove Mr. Benson as acting CDO.
I second that motion.
Great.
You're firing me?
We haven't officially voted yet,
and Olive still has to finalize your exit package, but, yes.
Well, I thought since you're starting a new business,
I'd buy you...
a new keyboard.
Wow!
- Thanks, Freddie! - Yeah.
So, uh, this place is, what?
Just skewering things on the Internet?
Oh, where's the part where they make fun of JavaScript?
"@NotMillicent123,
Manipulating parents is so easy. Check out my new keys."
Seriously?
It says "NotMillicent123", so obviously it's not me.
Millicent...
Oh, fine.
It's me, Millicent, 123.
So you're not actually traumatized?
No. I just took advantage of your insecurities
about being a new parent to get some cool stuff.
- Oh. - Thanks for the keyboard.
Uh, uh, uh...
Was there an apology in there?
Come on! An admission of guilt isn't enough?
Not in 2021.
Who do you think you are? A high-profile male celebrity?
You pretended to be hurt so that I would buy you stuff.
It's my keyboard now.
You're right.
Thank you for teaching me a moral lesson.
It's better than any gift you could have ever gotten me.
You're welcome, Millicent.
You know what?
Here, take the keyboard.
You're so easy.
[laughs]
Who's interested in purchasing a timeshare
from a female-owned small business?
Ooh, me, sign me up!
Do you take AmEx?
That's my young person.