(upbeat inspirational music)
(audience applause)
- [Courtney] How's everybody doing tonight!
- [Shane] All right, high five!
Loving it, this guy dressed up.
- Guys. We are truly, truly honored
that you are giving us your time.
- We're going to present
to you the life transforming power of
- What is Cringe?
- A study of the human psyche.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- We've all cringed.
I'm not cringe anymore.
Why are we experts on cringe?
- We'll tell you right now
with some real stories from our actual lives.
- I, once, serenaded a girl I had a crush on,
with several Ne-Yo songs.
- Yes, I on ironically did Kesha lip syncs on YouTube.
- I sometimes used to look at those TikTok filters
the ones where you turn
into a wear a Wolf.
- A Wolf
- Or something.
And I felt a rush.
- You can't help
but feel powerful, but others can't help, but cringe.
- That's Right. Understanding your brain,
AKA your cringe factory.
It starts here and it shoots up to here.
It goes all the way down.
It's kind of like an Ironman suit.
- Yes.
An Ironman suit of cringe.
- You know, like,
(vocalizing metallic noise)
- But you're feeling so bad.
- Yeah
- Continue
- So yeah, just to clarify
- That's that's the cringe node.
Next slide, please.
- We're gonna go through a history of cringe.
- Yes.
- Okay.
The five, most significant years in the evolution of cringe
what made them, what made them so important?
- Yes, that's right.
Starting with 1542.
Sir Roberto Fernandez.
He did a self portrait of his entire body only to find out
that, you know, his body was cringe.
We're not sure why his body was cringe.
Scientists are still baffled.
But, in this process
Roberto Fernandez was the first scientist slash artist
to first talk about cringe.
The term cringe was coined by him in the year 1542.
- What was his name again?
- Roberto Fernandez, a famous Italian name.
Then we jumped forward to 1866, Courtney,
you know this year very well.
- Wars were happening.
- That's right.
- Like the great battle of Bumpus Hill.
- Bumpus hill.
- The tree line was much higher than anticipated,
and they got counter ambushed and General Grant,
for the first time in his life went like this.
Oh
- Yeah, it was cringe.
Finally, 2001.
(audience laughs)
It was March of 2001,
and that was the year that Courtney and I
began our research.
So that's why that's important.
That's all we gotta talk about.
- We had both experienced something so cringeworthy
that we decided, at that moment,
we needed to take it upon ourselves.
- Yeah.
- And that was.
- Well, I mean, it looked a little something like this.
So, uh,
it looked like that.
- That is roughly what happened.
- That is a perfect example of what happened.
- It was an uncomfortable.
- It was, it was tough
- Different pages.
And I don't cringe when I think about it anymore.
- I don't cringe.
So, uh, Courtney.
- That's us.
- That is us.
- That was shortly after.
- That was us.
- This exchange
- Anything that happened in there was purely for science
- For science.
- Science, and research.
You know, I was like, let me, I'll come back.
And I had research that I.
- Yeah and I said that this was an excellent hypothesis.
- Yes, exactly.
And I said, we need to stop working on our anti anthrax,
and we need to start working on cringe.
- Anti-cringe
- Other things that are cringe.
And why.
- I mean we've all seen an adorable old woman
experiencing technology for the first time.
- That's rough, rough.
- It's pretty rough.
- Its very cringe.
- Especially when you're trying to FaceTime her
while this is happening,
and it's just pointed at the ceiling,
and she's like, I don't see you.
And you're like, Godammit grandma.
- The nice thing is an old person in VR,
can't damage the world anymore.
So you keep them there, forever.
That's what you do.
Next up, and I know this one so well.
- Oh, yeah.
- Paris
Cringey.
- So cringe.
- Cringey.
- Let's, let's get in more into it.
- Can cringe kill you?
Absolutely.
On So Random!, for instance,
I was on a Disney show.
A lot of audience members passed away.
From the cringe.
- A lot of 'em are not around anymore.
- It's tough.
How do I know if I'm cringe?
There is one way to find out.
- Yes.
Like so.
- You can talk, if you're in the middle of a conversation
you can just go,
Hey, excuse me.
Am I?
- Am I being cringe?
- Am I cringe?
- Yeah.
And if you're too nervous, it's okay.
Ask in funny voice.
So be like.
Am I being a little bit of cringe?
- And they might be more inclined to be honest with you.
- Yeah. Yes.
Now this is our original cringe equation here.
- Yeah.
- This is me roughly in high school, freshman year.
Explaining the plot of The Matrix to some girls
that I thought were cool,
and that I thought they might think I'm cool
for knowing that.
Then we get to Matrix Reloaded.
And I'm still explaining that plot there.
And we're just really delving up.
- Yeah
- And it's the problem is I'm not stopping.
- And you did not see that they were clearly
walking away from you.
- They were leaving.
And there I was in the hallway acting out The Matrix.
- Yeah.
- It's tough.
Moving on.
Overcoming cringe.
Luckily there is treatment for it and we'll see some
of the treatments.
Cringe therapy options.
Cringe support animal.
The hamsters have an enzyme that actually soaks up cringe.
This is why so many die.
So early on.
Lobotomy works just great for gen-Z, apparently.
- A big fan of lobotomies.
- Yep.
But that's working great.
And without further ado
in closing, we wrote a song about this.
And we will sing it now.
And we have help have help from a friend.
- Our musical guest.
- That's right.
(beatboxing)
That's right.
(background vocal music)
Oh, we're, we're all here.
Yeah.
Oh, oh, oh.
We're about to cringe.
It's not the fringe.
This is mainstream.
No, it's the dream.
Dream team here, Courtney and Shane.
No one to blame.
But ourselves for what you're seeing, feel the cringe.
feel the cringe.
Starting here down to your feet.
You have to deal with it, don't you leave.
You got to stay here.
You can't go anywhere.
Embrace it, embrace it, embrace it.
(audience applauding)
Thank you.
- DJ. Double glasses Selener, thank you.
- Do we have anything else?
I think that's it.
- Questions from the audience?
Anybody still, unresolved feelings?
- Yeah, Any questions from the audience?
Yes, you?
- I've written some songs as well,
but now's not the time to show you.
- [Shane] Are you sure?
- Are you sure about that?
Sounds like they have learned a valuable lesson
from our lecture.
- I think we got our best student here.
Absolute best student.
Let us help you.
Come to the Cringe Institute mixer.
Courtney, guess what's gonna be there?
- A deflated moon bounce,
a fish with Barbie legs and a baby mouse in a hand.
- That is exactly what's gonna be there.
- No rhyme, no reason.
No cringe.
- It will be exactly eight hours long.
It is not catered.
We have to figure out lunch together.
- You did, we did secure one port-a-potty.
- Thank you all so much for being here.
I hope, I didn't see many cringing faces.
- I didn't.
And please don't clap.
That's cringe.
- No, do not.
- Please do not clap, thank you.
(audience snaps)
- Or you can do that, I guess.
- Sure.
- Thank you.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah. Okay.
(inspirational music)
(beep)
And Courtney, you know this one?
- Abso-
(beep)
Everyone knows Nickelodeon and their adorable show,
iCarly.
You may recognize this guy.
He was on an episode or two.
- How would you have guessed that I was a Disney kid?
(audience laughing)