good morning morning good morning oh and
in case I don't see you good afternoon
good evening and good night setting out
to try to become a nicer person
sounds like a deeply colorless and
dispiriting ambition in theory we love
niceness of course but in practice there
appears to be something embarrassing the
anodyne meek tedious even sexless about
the concept a nice person sounds like
something we try to be only once every
other more arduous and more rewarding
alternative had failed our suspicion of
niceness may feel personal but it has a
long history bearing the sediment of at
least four major cultural currents that
it pays to try and understand for
centuries
Christianity was the single most
powerful force shaping or intellectual
horizons and it was profoundly committed
to promoting niceness to the world with
the finest aesthetic and intellectual
resources its sang the praises of
forgiveness charity tenderness and
empathy but unfortunately for niceness
Christianity didn't simply leave it
there it also suggested that there might
be a fundamental opposition between
being nice and being successful
successful people would not so believe
as were told on the whole very nice
people and nice people were not on the
whole very successful
it seemed applicants to the Kingdom of
Heaven had a choice to make
niceness all success the true
at a stroke the dichotomy deeply
tarnished the appeal of niceness to
anyone with the remotest spark of
healthy worldly ambition in their hearts
Christianity might have been striving to
infuse us about niceness but by
connecting it up so firmly with failure
it created an enduring feeling that this
was ultimately the quality of interest
chiefly to losers for the last 200 years
we've been heavily influenced by the
cultural movement known as Romanticism
and for the romantics the admirable
person has been synonymous with the
exciting person someone intense and
creative mercurial and spontaneous
someone who might upset tradition and
Derek points to be forceful even rude in
the name of following the call of their
own hearts the diametric opposite of
this heroic figure was for the romantics
someone mild and respectable guarded and
conservative unflattering quiet in other
words the boring person here too there
is seemed a radical choice to be made by
the fiery unpredictable and brilliant or
meek conventional and always in bed by
9:00 to this charge sheet of niceness
capitalism added another indictment
presenting an interpretation of the
world as a deeply competitive arena in
which all companies were committed to
forge continuous battle for market share
in an atmosphere marked by ruthlessness
determination and impatience those who
succeeded had to know how to destroy the
competition and handled the workforce
without a trace of emotion a nice person
unwilling to squeeze wages or outwit an
opponent would end up either bankrupt or
in the mailroom
a final that personal association hangs
over niceness
the belief that the nice can't be
sexually desirable for the qualities
that make us erotic are bound up with
the possession of brutal domineering
confident edges but odds with the
tenderness coziness beloved of the nice
once again an awkward choice presents
itself between the pleasant friend with
whom to go to the park and the dangerous
companion with whom to disappear into
the dungeon with handcuffs and a whip
despite all this the truth is that we
like niceness very much and depend upon
it even more it's just that our true
memories of niceness have been
suppressed by a culture that unfairly
makes us feel unintelligent for lending
niceness our approval all of the
qualities we've been taught to think off
as opposed to niceness are in fact
highly compatible with and appoints
highly dependent upon it however much we
committed to success
for long portions of our lives we are
intensely vulnerable creatures wholly at
the mercy of the gentleness of others
were only ever able to be successful
because other people usually our mothers
have given up a good share of their
lives to being nice to us
as for excitement this two can only ever
be a phase as all those who've made real
contributions to humankind no quiet days
domestic routine and regular bedtimes
are the necessary preconditions of the
creative highs there is nothing more
sterile than a demand that life be
constantly exciting for its part
capitalism may reward competition
between firms but it relies on
collaboration within them no company can
function long without trust and bonds of
personal affection much of the
frustration of boss's money can't
guarantee the necessary commitment from
employees only meaning and a spirit of
companionship will
lastly the sexual thrill of nastiness
only ever properly entices and
conditions of trust however much we may
fantasize about a night with a ruthless
Conqueror it would be alarming to wind
up with an actual example we need to
know someone is fundamentally kind
before an offer of a rope and sound of
swear words become properly interesting
so much of what we value is in fact
preserved by niceness and is compatible
with it we can be nice and successful
nice and exciting nice and wealthy and
nice and potent niceness is a virtue
awaiting our rediscovery and our renewed
unconvicted appreciation
you