hello everyone hi darren thank you all
for coming to what is apparently my
party
are you gonna cry
i will cry if i want to pure coincidence
that this happened to be on this day
uh two weeks ago when i gave my notice
because i'm quitting if you don't know
thank you for that
no way
all right so
um this is my pardon gift celina's okay
what do you get for the man who has
everything
i legitimately don't know
is it what i think it is
what do you think it is
is it made in new westminster
i
don't is there a big factory in new
westminster that makes this
how do you know
yes there is
it requires some explanation yes i think
it does
when i
got out of high school
i'm sorry
[Music]
you need the good stuff okay yeah i'm
ready uh it was very hard to find work
and thank you it's just ready for you
and um the only work i could find was
subway
it's fresh
and
you're gonna make me go too
was only making like
700 bucks a month
my rent was 500.
so
i lived like that for a long time
it's really tough
and i had to choose
between food and toilet paper
like
for five bucks you can buy a bag of rice
it'll last a week right or you can bite
to it
so i would steal toilet paper from
somebody i would i would
you know take the roll off and and bring
it up here it is
bring it home although they were much
bigger and much less comfortable
right because because it was you know i
was so desperately poor
so this is a habit that stuck with me
um
for a long time
and
it stayed with me when i was working
here
oh
[Laughter]
so
probably for about two to three years i
stole toilet paper
from the office
i'm true it's pretty charitable to call
in an office at that point it was a
house
um
and it was around the time
that i finally bought my first car
that i realized i was gonna be okay
and that i could afford to buy toilet
paper
so
i got in my car
and i drove
to the store and i bought toilet paper
for the very first time
and i have not stolen since
i wanted to give you this
to replace
the toilet paper that i stole
over the years
uh so i want you to just put it in the
utility closet downstairs
you can have some if you want
and just restock can you show me how i
do it that i do i need to unroll you put
it in your backpack oh
uh so really it's a gift for all of you
the crappiest gift i've ever given
anyone
beforehand
one more thing
if
you the viewer are struggling please go
to a food bank i should have done that
and
if you have money to spare
at least donate to a food bank
don't give them don't give them food
give them money they can get a lot more
done with money
i i still kind of regret not doing that
that's all well i mean
the end
thank you don't be a stranger
um have you have you told people where
you're going are you going to save it
for as a big surprise yeah i mean i
don't want to put you on the scene no
it's it's fine i'm moving to the
kootenays
um i'm going i'm getting married
as well
um i'm going so low on youtube
um i've got a lot of tutorials i still
want to make i've
got some clients i can edit for to learn
new things
and the future is bright
yeah
all right one more time thank you
[Applause]
i had no idea
thank you i i will i will go
i will treasure it
temporarily