The stars of "Jurassic Park" have been in some certified classics – and they've also
been in some of the worst movies ever made. From straight-to-video sequels to films that
zero critics liked, these are the horrible movies "Jurassic Park" actors hope you forget about.
You'd be hard-pressed to find a more reputable actress in Hollywood today than Laura Dern.
She has starred in more than 60 feature films, and was even nominated for two Academy Awards
before finally taking home her first Oscar in 2020 for her poignant performance in "Marriage Story."
Dern has been appearing in movies since 1973, and throughout her decades-spanning career she's
shone in some truly unforgettable roles, arguably none more popular than that of
paleobotanist Ellie Sattler in "Jurassic Park." If Dr. Sattler is Dern's most memorable role,
however, perhaps her most forgettable part came years later in 2010's undeniably
lackluster "Little Fockers," the third and final installment in the "Meet the Parents" trilogy.
Despite reuniting Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, and Dustin Hoffman, the trilogy-capper ended
the once-promising comedy series on a very low note. Most people probably don't even
remember that this movie exists, let alone that Laura Dern plays a very small part in
it as an elementary school headmistress named Prudence. Ironically enough, Dern must not have
been exercising much prudence when she decided to sign on for this terribly unfunny comedy.
Before he got ripped to play Star-Lord in 2014's "Guardians of the Galaxy," Chris Pratt
wasn't exactly the guy that movie studios had on speed dial when they needed an action hero.
"Starlord."
"Who?"
"Starlord, man. The legendary outlaw?"
Fast-forward a few years, however, and things have certainly changed.
In addition to his wildly popular portrayal of the Galaxy's favorite snarky hero in the
"Guardians of the Galaxy" movies, Pratt has also headlined another
multimillion-dollar franchise as velociraptor trainer Owen Grady in 2015's "Jurassic World."
As Grady, Pratt got to showcase his effortless acting chops with both bold,
unapologetic machismo and grounded everyman humility.
He's also been a part of a movie that failed on almost every level. "Movie 43," which was marketed
as a star-studded racy comedy, is undoubtedly the worst film on Pratt's resume. With a lowly
4% score on Rotten Tomatoes, this jumbled mess of a movie took home three Razzies in 2014,
including the Worst Picture award. While Pratt shouldn't shoulder much of the blame for the
awful final product, you have to assume that he hopes "Movie 43" never comes up in interviews.
Jeff Goldblum is the kind of performer who can take virtually any role and make it a
fan favorite. His filmography consists of over 135 acting credits and is chock full
of unforgettable movies and characters, including Seth Brundle in 1986's "The Fly," David Levinson
in 1996's "Independence Day," and of course, Dr. Ian Malcolm in 1993's "Jurassic Park."
Goldblum's unique acting prowess is beyond question, but with such an expansive filmography,
there are bound to be a few misses to coincide with all the hits. Perhaps his most notable
failure was that of 2015's "Mortdecai," in which Goldblum plays a shady art dealer,
Milton Krampf. Arguably the worst Johnny Depp movie of all time, "Mortdecai" plays like a
cheap "Austin Powers" knockoff. Even the talented core cast consisting of Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow,
and Ewan McGregor couldn't save this action comedy from colossally flopping at the box office.
Vincent D'Onofrio has a knack for playing really good bad guys.
You might not have even recognized him as Edgar, the creepy unwitting host of a
nefarious cockroach alien in 1997's "Men in Black," or as the bald crime boss, Kingpin,
in Marvel's "Daredevil" and "Hawkeye." He also played the main antagonist Hoskins,
the head of InGen's security force, in "Jurassic World." A self-proclaimed method actor,
D'Onofrio has turned in some incredibly believable performances over the years.
However, there have been a few less than believable performances, too.
In 2017's "Rings," a sequel to 2002's "The Ring," D'Onofrio played a blind caretaker
with a secret connection to the ghostly Samara. As Peter Sobczynski of RogerEbert.com put it,
he seems to be playing the role for an easy paycheck and absolutely nothing else.
Not exactly the kind of criticism you'd expect to hear about an actor who once
gained a whopping 70 pounds just to play Private Pyle in "Full Metal Jacket."
"This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine!"
Still, D'Onofrio was hardly the main issue in "Rings," an incoherent film
that's branded with an 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Sam Neill is no stranger to being in front of the camera. With nearly 150 acting credits,
the New Zealand native has been performing in movies and TV shows since the early '70s. His
most recognizable role is obviously that of Dr. Alan Grant from the "Jurassic Park" franchise, but
he's also starred in plenty of excellent films. "Irresistible," however, is not one of them.
Despite a talented leading trio of Neill, Susan Sarandon, and a young, pre-fame Emily Blunt,
this 2006 dramatic thriller went straight to DVD. The premise was simple enough: Sarandon becomes
suspicious that she's being stalked by Neill's new secretary, played by Blunt, and paranoia ensues.
It's honestly quite similar to other popular movies like "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle"
and "Sleeping with the Enemy," but lacks any of those films' ability to tell a compelling story.
"Irresistible" currently boasts a 20% critical score on Rotten Tomatoes, which could certainly be
worse. However, what's arguably the grossest facet of the movie is the uncomfortable age gap between
Sam Neill and Emily Blunt. Neill was born in 1947, and Blunt was born in 1983, making him roughly 36
years older than his co-star. It's quite an age gap, even for a Hollywood blockbuster.
During a 2020 appearance on The Graham Norton Show, legendary actor Samuel L.
Jackson proudly declared that he loves watching his own movies.
Apparently, not only does he buy $1,000 worth of tickets for his new films when they first hit
theaters, but he also frequently rewatches his older flicks when he's bored at home. He said,
"If I'm channel surfing and there's nothing else on,
I'll go into the search engine and go 'Samuel L. Jackson...' I pick one and I watch it."
While Jackson has been in too many iconic movies to even name,
there's one film, in particular, that's hard to imagine he would ever want to rewatch.
"Hold onto your butts."
In 2004, Oscar-nominated screenwriter Philip Kaufman directed a movie called "Twisted,"
a mystery thriller that stars Ashley Judd as a police detective trying to catch a serial killer.
Jackson played the police commissioner who, unsurprisingly is revealed to be the killer.
Despite the combined star power of Judd, Jackson, and Andy Garcia, critics found
incredibly little to like about "Twisted," blasting it down to a 1% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Ariana Richards was only 12 years old when she played Lex Murphy, the adolescent computer
nerd hacker in "Jurassic Park," but she was apparently so good at displaying genuine terror,
that even director Steven Spielberg was impressed. As she told Den of Geek,
"When we were filming the scene of the T-rex with the jeep, … Steven came over to me once and said,
'Ariana, you reach such a deep level of fear and terror –- what do you draw from?
Were you scared by a clown when you were three? Don't tell me, I don't want to know!'"
Perhaps one of the events that Richards drew fear from was reading critics' reviews of
"Spaced Invaders," a movie she starred in three years before "Jurassic Park."
The hammy sci-fi comedy followed a group of short, bumbling aliens who,
after overhearing a radio broadcast of "War of the Worlds," invade Earth
on Halloween night, only to be mistaken for trick-or-treaters in a small American town.
Although audiences didn't seem to hate "Spaced Invaders," critics tore it to
pieces in their reviews. Roger Ebert bashed the film, writing,
"One of the purposes of growing up and getting an education is
to learn why movies like 'Spaced Invaders' are a waste of time."
Of all the actors in "Jurassic Park," only BD Wong returned to reprise his role,
that of InGen's chief geneticist Dr. Henry Wu, in "Jurassic World."
Although he was reportedly hesitant to slip back into Dr. Wu's shoes,
Wong once again found himself right smack dab in the middle of a dino disaster.
The "Jurassic Park" franchise is undoubtedly Wong's most popular work, but he's also excelled
in other areas throughout the years, including successful TV series like "Gotham," "Mr. Robot,"
and "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit." He also voiced Shang in Disney's animated classic,
"Mulan." However, it hasn't all been sunshine and critical roses for the former Broadway star.
In 1998, Wong had the misfortune of starring in "The Substitute 2:
School's Out," a straight-to-cable sequel with almost no connection to its 1996 crime
thriller predecessor. Wong played one of the bad guys, but honestly,
the lazy outing is so poorly put together that the good guys are pretty bad, too. The movie has
a rare 0% Rotten Tomatoes score — not exactly the kind of grade you want on your acting report card.
When "The 5th Wave" hit theaters in January of 2016, it's easy to imagine that Sony and Columbia
Pictures were banking on a possible franchise. After all, the movie was based on the first novel
in Rick Yancey's literary trilogy, so there's definitely plenty of source material to work with.
However, after an onslaught of dismal reviews and a very disappointing box office pull,
any future sequels seem to be unlikely at this point.
"Are we still alive?" "I think so."
In the explosive sci-fi flick, Nick Robinson, who co-starred as an angsty teen amidst a dinosaur
breakout in "Jurassic World," plays an angsty teen amidst an alien invasion. Co-starring with
Chloë Grace Moretz, Ron Livingston, and Liev Schreiber, the "5th Wave" cast tried their best
to keep the ambitious action movie from imploding into a million pieces, but they were ultimately
unsuccessful. While it's hardly the first young adult novel movie adaptation to flop, you have to
assume that Robinson wishes he would've just said "pass" when the casting director came calling.
Have you ever watched a movie that's so over-the-top emotional that it seems as
if the whole film was created with the sole purpose of making the audience cry?
That's exactly what it feels like to watch 1995's "Three Wishes," a sappy family drama starring
Patrick Swayze, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and "Jurassic Park" child star Joseph Mazzello.
The story follows a mother who lets a drifter named Jack
stay with her and her two sons after accidentally hitting him with her car.
As you can probably predict, there's more to Jack than meets the eye, and he begins to form
a special bond with the young boys, becoming the father figure that they were missing.
It's easy to criticize corny movies like this, but people do find enjoyment in clichéd feel-good
stories. This probably helps explain the 52% audience score that "Three Wishes"
holds on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics, however, had different opinions. Roger Ebert wrote,
"The movie lays it on so thick that even with the best will in the world,
I couldn't go along on its slow and soppy ride."
For whatever reason, film adaptations of Dan Brown's crowd-pleasing Robert Langdon novels,
like "The Da Vinci Code" and "Angels and Demons," are never well received by critics.
Even with Ron Howard in the director's chair and Tom Hanks playing the lead,
the mystery thrillers just don't translate to the big screen.
Hanks' third attempt at Langdon, 2016's "Inferno," was another example of this.
"Inferno" starred Hanks and "Rogue One" breakout Felicity Jones as the two main characters,
but it also had a solid supporting cast, including two guys who had just starred in "Jurassic World"
the year before, Omar Sy and the late Irrfan Khan. Although both actors are extremely talented,
Sy was nominated for a Golden Globe for his work on Netflix's "Lupin," and
Khan accrued a slew of accolades for his work in both Hollywood and India, not even
their acting abilities could save "Inferno" from going up in flames at the box office.
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