How exhausting is it trying to keep up text
conversation with men who are lazy, nonresponsive,
or not investing in you. If you hate that, this is the video for you.
To celebrate two new chapters of my book, Messaging Magic,
now released, you can check it out in the description, I'm gonna be sharing with you
some amazing messaging hacks that I've got some phenomenal testimonials on, and
that have totally shifted the way guys have invested in my clients over texts.
I'll see you right after this.
[Music playing]
I'm consistently amazed at how many amazing,
interesting, incredible women with so much
to offer men managed to make themselves sound
so boring over text message. Now, before we get into this, this video is a celebration
of the two new chapters of my, one of my favorite publications ever to be honest,
Messaging Magic. It is available from the link in the description with a whole bunch
of other bonuses. Over a hundred pages, a hundred pages took me a long time to write
this thing, of the best texting advice you'll ever find.
Everything from emojis, specific advice to every situation
you can imagine, how to text, how to bring across the right energy. Literally, if you
can't text with this book, you'll like a zombie or something. And if you read this book, you'll
be an amazing texter. So check it out, the link is in the description. Okay? So let's
get to the core of the issue of how so many amazing incredible women managed to make
themselves sound so boring over text. The core of the issue is this, it's believing a myth
and the myth is that people get to know one another by asking questions.
Now, don't get me wrong,
if you're in a long-term marriage, if you're sitting on the couch with your friend, if
you're hanging out with someone you know a long time, questions are amazing to get to
know someone. They allow you to go deeper in specific areas. They allow you to kind
of hit points that might've been missed in general conversation.
Questions are phenomenal when they're in the right situation.
But if you get to know someone using questions, your
conversations are going to fall flat. Let me give you an example with good old Stacy.
It's been a while since she's been on the channel, I'm going to give you an example
with Stacy, trying to pick up Matt in a bar to show you what I mean.
Stacy: Hello?
Matt: How are you going?
Stacy: I'm Stacy. Nice to meet you. What's your name?
Matt: Matt.
Stacy: Nice to meet you, Matt. What brings you here
tonight, Matt?
Matt: Um, I'm just here with a couple of friends.
They're just sitting over there.
Stacy: How do you know them?
Matt: Um, I've known them for a couple of years.
Stacy: You study?
Matt: Yeah.
Stacy: What'd you study?
Matt: I studied psychology.
Stacy: Have you always been into psychology?
Matt: Um, not really. Uh, just when I was, I just
sort of had a few friends who were studying it and I just thought it would be interesting.
Stacy: Right? What about what made you inspired to
go in, just...
I'm going to pause this conversation here
because poor Matty, for the love of God needs saving from Stacy right now. She's so boring.
And Matty is thinking, "How do I get away from this girl?
I've never met anyone so uninteresting in my life."
Now, did you notice that number one, Stacy's constant questions made her seem
lazy in the conversation. She was asking Matt to do all the efforts. She was asking all
the questions. Matt was doing all the work. Number two, they made her seem boring. And
finally, number three, Stacy's questions made her seem over-invested
and him under-invested in her.
Yes, he was answering because he was doing the socially intelligent thing, but
she was asking so much that it lowered her value compared to his. This is three very
good reasons why constant questions cause massive problems and make you seem like
the boring uninvested one in conversation. Now, let's compare this to when
Stacy has a little bit of game.
Jermia: Hey, nice shirt you've got there!
Mark: Oh, thank you. Yeah, no, I actually do really
like the shirt. I appreciate that. Yeah. I picked it up in, it's actually a funny story.
I was in the last flight basically before COVID. We were over in New York, and we had
to get out of there. We were leaving about the same time we had to get out of there by
that time. And yeah, I was shopping on the last day and noticed it and was like, "I really
like that shirt." And yeah, here we are. Let us do this moment today me wearing this shirt.
Jermia: Oh, that's, that's amazing actually. And New
York's got some good finds. Um, the last time I was there, I didn't, I definitely didn't
get any clothes, but I just remember like my biggest memory of New York was that we
got there and it just started snowing. And it was my first time ever being in the city
and it just started snowing out of nowhere. And the friend that I was with, it was the
first time that he had ever seen snow.
Mark: Yeah. It's funny you say that. The first time
I went to New York, same freaking thing. The first time yeah, we were in the apartment
at the time and it was the first time I've ever seen snow. I was like, "Oh my God, I'm
in America. And I've seen the snow the first time." So Aussie, like being in the heat,
Queensland, all of my life.
Jermia: You have to go skiing or snowboarding.
Whatever's your, whatever's your fancy. Snowboarding, skiing is the best thing in the
entire world. I did like you said, water sports. I did a lot of, um, wakeboarding quite a bit. It is
so hard. I just am black and blue, full of bruises. Like that was my entire first, like
two months of wakeboarding. I just hurt myself nonstop.
Mark: I've hurt myself a couple of times recently.
I hurt myself. Have you ever done indoor flying or have you ever seen them in tunnels? I got
myself in there recently. In the tunnel, anytime you want to do something, you do the
opposite. It's very odd. So if you want to walk forwards, you kind of get backwards.
Okay. I know that role-play was a little different,
but I hope it demonstrates that when two people are getting to know each other,
especially new people, it happens not by asking questions, but by sharing statements,
when you make a statement, I listen to that and I think of how that relates to me.
This is why people with a lot more, say people who have traveled a lot, because
of their range of experiences, the reason they seem interesting is because they
have an easier time taking statements from a random person and then literally relating
to them with a story about themselves. Statements
are how we relate to each other. And the more you can make a statement about
yourself relating to what the guy has said, the more interesting you are going to seem.
So how does this relate to texting? Well, let me explain if you're not following yet.
This is a role-play I did with a client and I said, we're going to role play Bumble.
So you're going to message me first. I'm going to be the man, and I've sent
her a fake profile. Sent her one of my profiles
so that she could respond to me. And this was what she wrote. Her first text. "You had
a sunny day in London. Lucky you!" Mark's first response. "Ah, yes, we were there in
the summer, such a great day. Two heart eye emojis. Client: That's great. What was the
highlight of your trip? Mark's response, "We went to Tomorrowland.
OMFG so good. You into EDM at all?" Client: Not yet, but what do you recommend?
Maybe I could try dipping my
toe and see if I like it. Now, let's freeze here. Notice, we're already two and a half
exchanges in she's already spent sent three messages. He sent two. So with two and a
half exchanges in, and if we break this down and have an actual look at
what's happened here, notice that he has said three things about himself.
He said that he was there in the
summer and had a great day. He said that you went to Tomorrowland and he said something
about EDM. So he shared three statements. Now, let's look at hers. She's spoken three
times. The moment she's made a comment about him. She asked a question about his
trip and she asked her question about EDM and what he recommends.
He shared three statements in only two speech bubbles.
She has said shared zero statements in three. This makes her seem
really boring, right? He has nothing to grab onto. He has nothing to relate to. He has
no reason to invest in her because there's nothing to grab onto. There's nothing exciting
that she has said. He's given some investment and got nothing back. Why would he continue
to respond? Now, let's look at another example. This is a client role-play as well.
She says first message. Bumble "Loving the shorts. But did you manage to meet the
Queen?" "Ah, what are you saying about my shorts? I did not. Couldn't even break into
other areas of the castle." So this is related to a photo around Buckingham Palace.
She responds, "Well, I don't think shorts are an acceptable outfit to meet the Queen,
her Royal Highness, but I think you look great. He says, "Why thank you. How's your day
going?" She says, my day is very good. A very productive day, especially being a Monday.
Who doesn't love Mondays?! Have you had a good day?" "I have got my car tire fixed after I
lost it on the weekend. Huh! Also had three lovely clients today, so that's been good."
She says, "OMG, cars! You reminded me of the time a wheel from my car took over me on the
motorway. You sound like you have an interesting job." He says,
"Oh Jesus, that's not a good thing. And when you
see your own wheel rolling past you. Yes. I work with clients as a life coach. It's
fricking incredible." She says, "Hopefully never to be repeated. OMG. That would be
such an amazing job to do. Helping people be the best they can be. Do you do mates rates?"
And he responds with, "Yes, it's actually so incredible. I get to work from home. I
get to travel, help people get over their fear and kick butt at life. I'm actually so
grateful for it." Now, what do you think of this whole conversation? It seems pretty
good? When I ask clients about this conversation, they usually say something like,
look, she brings a pretty good energy. I think that's a pretty good conversation.
It's not horrible. But let me point something interesting out to you. Let's have a look at
her statements. Hopefully Matty will be able to zoom in on these. If we look at what she's said.
Notice that of her five speech bubbles, four of them end in a question. And one of them ends
in a compliment. Interesting. Right? And if we look at his, four of his end with a statement
and one ends with a question. Who has more investment in this conversation? way over
investing in him, he's speaking about himself. And thus, he's going to feel like he's higher
value on in the conversation because she hasn't spent as much time talking about
herself, she told one story, but otherwise, all she's really done is asked questions and said,
"How about Mondays? Right? Mondays." She hasn't really shared anything unique.
Whereas he has shared unique thing after unique thing in every response.
This makes a difference. This makes a real difference in this conversation,
even though it seems like it has a great energy, she's actually right over-invested in him.
She's not making enough statements about herself
and I can pretty much guarantee this guy's about to get bored and go and text a woman
who he perceives as more interesting. Now, let's have a look at a very simple example
where a client gets it spot on. She opens with, "Hey, cute cat" comment. He says,
"Ahahaha! Right I'm such an obsessive cat dad. Don't judge." She says, "So long as
you don't judge me for being a crazy dog woman." Boom! Statement about herself.
No question. He says, "Okay, that's fair. How's your day?" Now he's investing in her.
She says, "I had a wonderful day. Had a run in the park. Worked up an appetite.
Came home and made a lentil curry." Boom!
Statement, statement, statement. "HBU. How about you?" at the end. Just a little question.
He says, "Oh, hell yeah, I'm not going to lie. I don't really know what lentils are,
but that sounds delightful. And yeah. Good also. I'm working from home right now. I've
got a weight session happening. I need to learn me some of these cooking skills.
Statement, statement, statement, statement. We're into conversation. And within a few more
exchanges, I'm pleased to say that this guy had asked for her number and set a time to call
her. This is all it takes within four to 10 exchanges. I'm telling clients they want to
be getting the guy to call them and get off text. It can happen quickly, but it's only going
to happen if you statement share. Just like in a bar, as Stacy bravely demonstrated. When
you're making statements and sharing, men are going to come towards you because they
have something to grab onto. They have something to get to know about you.
Whereas if you're asking all the questions and investing in them, there's not as much for them
to grab. And you're not going to seem as interesting as you are.
Now, I know what you're probably
thinking. You're thinking "Mark, wait a minute, wait a minute, Mark. You hold up there. I
make statements. I seem interesting. And then I made these guys who are boring
and give me nothing back. I don't want to be making statements over and over again and
being interesting to men who are boring." Well, I agree. Here's what would happen if
that happened in a bar in real life.
Stacy: Oh my God. I'm having the best bloody night.
I don't know your name, but how are you? I'm Stacy. Nice to meet you.
Matt: I'm Matt.
Stacy: Good to meet you, Matt. How's your night going?
Matt: Um, it's good. It's pretty good. And how's yours?
Stacy: My night is bloody fantastic! Thank you for
asking! Had the best walk, the best walk. I met a really cute cat, her name is Lucy. And
I got to catch up with my friend I haven't seen. 4 years I haven't seen my friend for!
Oh, so good.
Matt: When did you, where did you meet your friend?
Stacy: Uh, I met her in Brazil. We went on this amazing
trip. Actually. It was really, really cool. We went out to Brazil. We did these things.
I was there for three weeks, made all these friends and she happened to live in the same
suburb! What are the odds?
Matt: Oh wow. That's amazing. Did you go anywhere
after Brazil?
Stacy: I, uh, yeah, we went around to Europe. We
went to different places. We went to Vienna actually.
Matt: Awesome. Uh, do you, are you planning on going
away again anytime soon?
Stacy: Oh this is the most boring guy I've ever met
in my life. Yeah, I've got another holiday plan soon. You have a good night. Bye!
Within three exchanges. That's less than 30
seconds. Stacy was out of there and away from that boring guy. That is how you want
to be online. Don't beat a dead horse. Don't even go near an injured one. Just focus on the
people who are giving you the energy back. And if they are not, go to the next person,
that is how to text, to get guys to instantly invest and interact with you. And if you
enjoyed this video, get Messaging Magic. You're going to enjoy that even more.
The energy you share online, the text messages you send. Unfortunately,
they do represent you. And if you're doing them wrong and you don't representing
yourself in your best light, just the nature of text
means the guys are going to go and message other women. So represent yourself in the
way you deserve at your best using text. And don't forget, you can get Messaging Magic
if you want more help with that from the description. If you have questions,
leave them below. #AskMark,
put texting questions below as well. Pop them in the comments. I'll get to them in the next
Ask Mark. Thanks again for watching! Hit the subscribe with the little bell. You have to
hit the bell, so you get the notifications, and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
[Showing bloopers]
Matt: Can we touch on like, just like a general
one just like traveling. That's always seems to be the one that comes up in a conversation.
Mark: You're good at talking about Korea. Let's
do grit.
Matt: I mean, you can just bang it. We could crack
on about movies. A lot of people know movies, simple one. Oh yeah.
You're the worst person.
Stacy: So what else do you do with yourself?
Matt: Um,
Mark: Jermia's on holidays. It's the best we can do.
Stacy: Jesus Christ. This is the most boring guy
I've ever met in my life. Jesus, he's the most boring guy I've met in my life.
Matt: Did you get the free drinks on the way out?
Stacy: I did get one actually, but it was my friends,
but she bought. Oh, okay. So it was still worth it.
Matt: Yeah. That's fair.
Stacy: That's still very positive experience.
I guess if you're, if you're doing a fashion
shoot, you don't want to, I think that one drink. I'd be okay. Matthew, what are you
saying about me around? So we're like the opposite. Yeah. We're never going to work.
Never, never.