Oh, to be young again!
Childhood was such a glorious time, full of joy, innocence, and playing creepy video games
that seemed perfectly normal through our uncynical eyes.
Then, of course, comes adulthood, bringing with it responsibilities, experience, and
the knowledge that some of those childhood games weren't quite as harmless as you remember.
Cuddle up with your favorite Teddy, because we're diving into some of the most nightmarish
video games 6-year-old you didn't realize were so creepy.
Pokémon Red & Blue
Pokémon Red and Blue feature one prominent location that never really gave us the creeps
as kids, but definitely gives us all the heebies and the jeebies now: Lavender Town — aka
Game Freak's answer to the question, "What happens to your cute, cuddly companions when
they bite the dust?"
Players unlucky enough to stumble into this macabre locale will find themselves face to
face with mournful trainers and ghost-type Pokémon.
And, sure, spirits are spooky and all — and Pokémon Tower, the town's indoor Pocket Monster
cemetery, isn't the most welcoming joint in Kanto.
But the creepiest thing about Lavender Town is actually its nightmarish music.
[Nightmarish music]
Some internet urban legends — or "creepypastas" — claim Lavender Town's music was created
by programmers to drive children to take their own lives.
Specifically, the eerie binaural beats and tones were supposedly designed to negatively
affect children's brainwaves.
Of course these myths aren't true, but it's hard to deny that there's something extra
creepy about the ambiance of the haunted pitstop that went over your head as a kid — especially
when you realize you could've succumbed to its devious programmers' vile whims.
Uninvited
ICOM Simulation's Uninvited is one of those titles that was good, creepy fun when you
were a kid … probably because you played it on the squeaky-clean Nintendo Entertainment
System.
As an adult, however, the game is downright terrifying, especially if you play the Mac
version.
[Scream]
For starters, the game's plot is totally creepy, tasking you with searching a haunted house
for your lost sibling.
Where Uninvited really makes our skin crawl, however, is with the close-ups of the bloodthirsty
creatures which are rendered significantly more creepy on an oldschool Mac — in grainy
black and white.
If you played Uninvited on the NES as a kid, it's definitely worth revisiting the Macintosh
version as an adult.
Just don't blame us if you start experiencing 8-bit nightmares about getting dismembered
by skeletons dressed like Scarlett O'Hara.
Lemmings
Most gamers are at least vaguely familiar with DMA Design's puzzle-platformer Lemmings.
The iconic, blue-clad, green-haired lemmings are cute and cartoony, but don't let the title's
outward appearance fool you.
It's a dark, twisted game, in which your sole objective is to minimize these hapless creatures'
casualty count.
You see, the lemmings will brainlessly walk off cliffs, into pools of lava, or fall victim
to various booby traps — and you're the only one who can stop their senseless attempts
at ending it all en masse.
But that's not where this horrorshow ends.
"This is the last chance to turn back.
Yet, over they go."
There are a few levels that force your lovable lemmings through the depths of hell, but Level
14 of the "Tricky" difficulty tier, appropriately named "MENACING !!" lives up to its namesake
— and then some.
The level is grotesque, with entrails, skulls and limbs hanging from the ceiling, a long
snake comprising the floor, and a bottomless pit of doom.
It looks like something straight out of a survival horror game.
Though the level was apparently designed to pay respect to fellow DMA Design title Menace,
that doesn't change that it's out of place, hellish, and certainly not very kid-friendly.
Space Station Silicon Valley
Take-Two Interactive's cutesy, 1998 3D-platformer Space Station Silicon Valley has players take
control of a microchip named Evo who, after surviving a spaceship crash, must attack various
robotic animals, take control of their bodies, and solve puzzles in order to survive.
Save for the dystopian mind control mechanic, not that creepy, right?
[Terrifying laughter]
Everything's all fun and games until you need to start collecting severed human heads.
And not just any severed human heads, mind you — the severed human heads of the scientists
who were aboard the titular space station.
It's heavily implied that the animals rebelled and killed their former masters, but still
— decapitation seems a bit extreme, especially in a kid's game on the Nintendo 64.
Collect one severed head?
Fair enough.
Collect a whole slew of severed heads?
That's sounds like the premise of a bad b-movie.
"Awaken!
What have we here?"
"I can't feel my body."
"I feel so weird."
"This is so bad."
Maniac Mansion
Lucasfilm Games' first successful attempt at self-publishing, Maniac Mansion was first
released in 1987 for the Commodore 64 and Apple II, before a heavily-censored version
appeared on the Nintendo Entertainment System.
Overall, Nintendo did a decent job of removing anything family-unfriendly — a "decent"
job, but not a perfect one.
In Maniac Mansion, you can befriend a character named Weird Ed.
You can also steal his hamster.
Not being a part of a puzzle, or useful in any way, what would be the only logical thing
to do with Weird Ed's hamster?
Microwave it, of course!
No, seriously: you can actually put the hamster in the microwave, turn it on, watch it explode,
and give the disgusting remains back to Weird Ed, who promptly murders you in a fit of rage.
The game actually reads "TOTALLY AWESOME!" after the poor little pet explodes.
[Microwave sound, beeping]
Maybe this game is creepier as an adult, because grown-ups are able to recognize all the telltale
signs of a future serial killer.
Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure
Everything about Capcom's rated-E-for-everyone 2007 Wii-title Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros'
Treasure screams "kid-friendly."
The game stars a young wannabe pirate named Zack and his sidekick monkey pal Wiki, who
are on a quest for some buried treasure.
It's colorful, cute, and fun for the whole family … except for when it transforms into
an episode of the X-Files.
Imagine, if you will, being a parent, and walking into the living room while your third-grade
son or daughter is playing the Nintendo Wii.
"Sure sounds like he or she is having fun," you think, what with all the fun sounds and
hijinks and monkeyin' around.
But imagine walking in at just the right time to witness a fountain shaped like a young
girl scream as her eyes roll back in their sockets and blood starts streaming down her
face.
Yep, sounds like some good, clean fun.
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