A lot of people are asking me,
like, what's the HBO Max show gonna be?
And then, I don't know how this happened,
but when it was first announced,
the descriptor was it's going to be a new variety show.
Yeah, yeah.
Starring Conan O'Brien.
That cracked me up.
A format that I think peaked like in '73.
With Charo.
Yeah, well, I know exactly why that happened,
which is someone in the machinery somewhere.
I think at the network,
threw the word variety in there,
because we're in the variety comedy
Right. Category.
Oh, right.
Which is an old term.
That's just an old term.
Just an old term- That's still used.
Comedy variety category.
So really broad.
So literally, I think a lawyer just said,
"Conan is going to work on a...
I'll handle this!
"and then he said,
"I'll take care of this."
This will legally cover us. I'll put it out.
No matter what we do.
This, yes, and why don't you have a louder sip?
I'm having some water, oh, sorry.
I know, bit, God!
Oh, you haven't talked enough, a little...
I don't it, when I do a podcast-
It's like the Calm app.
I'm not making goulash as I do it.
It's your daily Calm with pouring water.
Anyway, literally a lawyer
at somewhere in the bowels of some massive,
I'm thinking, you know, a building in Mordor
said, "Oh, what do we call it?
"Well, it's comedy variety.
"So just say a variety program."
So anyway, that hit the press.
And I had friends saying,
"So you're bringing back the old variety show?"
Seriously?
And, yeah.
And so, this is a true story.
I met someone who was trying to get in touch with me.
Who's a juggler and a magician.
Oh my God.
Who said, "I would be perfect for your new variety show."
Finally, a variety show.
Oh, wow, he's been waiting 30 years.
And I think- My ship's comin' in.
That people thought that I'm gonna,
you know, it's going be bump, bump, bump,
it's the Conan Show, put on your hat!
It's the Conan Show, try on some spats!
You're gonna have a laugh, give birth to a calf,
it's the Conan Show today!
And then, it'd be all these dancers with red wigs on,
and then I'd come out, "It's Conan!
And I'd come out and go like,
"Hey, how's it goin'?"
And have a long microphone. And I have a tuxedo on.
Yeah, And I'm like- Giant Conan letters behind.
Yeah, we got a great show today.
But first of all, bump, da, ta, bump, bum, bum.
And then I do a song.
And then you birth the calf.
Yeah, exactly.
And then, you know- Put up a live audience.
Let's get to my first guest,
from Dynasty, John Forsythe.
We're gonna pretend to be Cabbage Patch dolls.
We're on this shelf and no one's buying us,
and I'm not buying this bit.
Dun, dita, dun, dun, dun.
And anyway, that is completely not what's gonna happen.
What did the person say when you told them?
They were juggling, as they asked me,
and when I said, "There'll be no juggling."
They dropped all the balls, and the chainsaw.
Now his name is Lefty.
But, what I'd like to do is something
that does not come on every night, obviously, because...
And I've been thinking, we have this,
this world now in this streaming universe
where people can make fewer of something.
(laughter)
And maybe it comes on once a week.
And I'm thinking I really want to double down
on the things that I love,
that we've talked about on this show.
Which involves getting out of the studio
and combining a bunch of the elements
that I think maybe make me a little different.
Because whatever I do, I don't,
obviously, I'd like it to be something
that might contribute or feel like it's needed.
There's so many late night shows now,
and I've done so much of that.
I feel like it should be something
that is more unique to me.
And something that maybe
we can spend a little more time crafting.
And I have a lot of ideas.
I have a lot of very specific ideas.
And you'll be seeing this comin' your way, in no time.
So keep your eyes peeled,
and if you don't have HBO max yet,
don't get it until my show shows up.
Because I want them to-
And then get the free trial-
I want them- and then watch them all.
Yeah, yeah. (laughs)
Exactly.
And then cancel it. (laughs)
Yeah, I think that was a good plug.
The show's gonna be called
Watch Me on the Free Trial Only.
(laughter)