- We've uncovered ancient candy lipstick
and now we just have to eat it.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat music)
Good Mythical Summer.
- Before we dig into a fresh
yet also somehow expired batch of discontinued snacks,
we've got an announcement to make.
You ready? You ready? - Yes. Yes.
- Everybody ready? - Yeah!
- Next Thursday, September 2nd, in the year 2021,
we are going to be coming to you live
with an all-day livestream extravaganza.
- That's right, we're doing it again!
The second annual GMM all-day livestream.
We're putting together eight hours of music,
special guests, classic GMM games,
and who knows what else we're gonna do?
Well, we do know what we're gonna do,
but you don't. - Kinda.
- So why don't you watch to see what happens?
It's all to benefit an incredible charity,
Save the Children,
and it's all going down right here on the GMM channel.
That's next Thursday, noon to 8:00 p.m. Eastern,
9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Pacific.
Don't miss it!
And now, please, bow your heads.
(solemn organ music) - Dearly beloved,
we have gathered here today
to recognize snacks that were once in production
but are now discontinued.
- Some of them might not have been good in the first place,
or they were limited editions,
or the company who makes them no longer exists,
and that's okay.
The important thing is that the snacks tried their best.
- Why did you leave us so soon?
I guess we'll have to eat you and find out.
It's time for...
To Be Discontinued:
More, More, More, More, More, More, More Snacks Edition.
- Now, before we try our first official discontinued snack,
there is a wooden chocolate bar-shaped
elephant in the room that we just gotta address.
- Yeah there is.
- In our last episode of discontinued snacks
we were fixing to try some 1979 Mickey Mouse Heath Bars
that we got on eBay, but it turns out
where there should've been chocolate, there was wood.
Look.
We have been pranked.
- We paid $30 for this. - Look, look!
It is wood!
In Kernersville they took the chocolate out,
they put wood in there.
- And, what, seriously, you can't...
It's wood! - It's wood!
It's not a joke!
It's wood!
- "It is wood!"
- It doesn't take much to amaze those idiots, does it?
"It's wood!"
- Okay, so I was following this story in real time
as the episode came out.
And apparently, not only in the comments below
but in the inbox of the eBay seller him or herself,
a lot of Mythical Beasts
just started bombarding this seller with complaints,
relaying our astonishment in being duped.
- Right, right. - And we got a reply back,
which says, "Hey, Nicole,"
because Nicole is the one who bought this stuff,
"Someone sent a video of the GMM show
where this product was opened.
I am so very sorry!
My dad was a Mickey Mouse collector
with thousands of items in his collection.
He was also a woodworker,
but I had no idea that he replaced the chocolate with wood.
The packages looked like they hadn't been opened,"
I agree, "and I had no idea it had been replaced.
I'll be happy to issue a refund.
I sincerely apologize for the mistake."
- I feel like we've uncovered a dark family secret.
It's like when you find out something crazy on 23andMe.
You know, it's like, "Ah, he's not my father."
"My father was a woodworker
who was putting in wood for the chocolate."
- Fake chocolate woodworker. - I hope we haven't
upset the apple cart.
- Well, I think the seller
was in the dark just like we were,
but I was reading a lot of comments that were saying, "Guys,
people remove perishable items from things-"
- All the time.
- Because the packaging is what is collectable.
- Right. Not if you're us though.
We wanna eat it.
- So we replied- - "It's wood!"
- I mean, we replied and said, "Hey,
don't worry about it.
I know we seemed pretty upset on the show,
but we're actually cool with it."
And then we got a reply back that said,
"I'm very thrilled that you guys are taking it well.
I've felt sick to my stomach
ever since I first heard about this
first thing this morning.
Well, I'm shipping you the other stuff this afternoon.
P.S., my eBay notifications have never ever been so active
as they have been today!"
So we kinda...
- We unleashed hell on Kernersville.
- Put this person through the wringer!
- Sorry about that.
- And he didn't even know, but,
here's the stuff that we got now.
We got a Mickey Mouse milk chocolate bar,
and a "To you" milk chocolate heart.
- And now we're gonna play a new game
that we call "Is it Wood?" - Is it wood? Is it wood?
All right.
- We should go with the bar,
because this is familiar territory.
Does it feel like wood?
It feels pretty much like wood.
I mean, he wasn't just a woodworker,
he was, oh, well he didn't do a good job on this one.
- [Link] What is it? Is it wood?
- [Rhett] Oh, this one's clearly...
- [Link] Is it wood?
- Oh, it's a ruler!
(Rhett guffaws)
I mean this is like early days.
This is like before he perfected how to seal it back up,
and was like
"Maybe I should make the wood shaped like the candy bar."
It's literally a ruler and a paint stirring stick.
- [Link] Can I touch?
- No, no, I'm touching it.
- I know you're touching it, can I also touch it?
- You can also touch it.
So it's a ruler, with a paint stick glued next to it,
which is not as good as what he ended up graduating to.
- I think he was like
"I'm gonna measure how long it needs to be,
so that I can then craft wood,"
and he's like "You know what, screw it.
I'll use a measuring stick as the chocolate!"
- And he talks just like that.
- Kernersville.
- Now, if he can make...
(box snaps)
The packaging is what's important.
The packaging is what people value.
- [Link] It's a collectable.
- Now, if he made a wooden heart,
wouldn't that be like something from Wizard of Oz?
In fact, what was it?
- There was, it was all symbolic, yes.
- I think this is maybe, yeah, it's wood.
It's wood. - It's wood!
Now we're happy about it being wood, right?
- That's good wood.
- Can I touch it? - Look at that,
that's super sturdy. - Can I touch it?
- You know what, you can have all of it, Link,
and touch it as much as you want to,
get alone in your room and touch your wood all you want.
- All right, that is, I'm happy that it's wood.
- Our first official discontinued snack today,
now that we have cleared up that controversy, is,
Pumpkin Spice Spam, from 2019.
The big piece of information for me here
is that Spam goes bad.
This is bad news for all those people
who've got their bunkers just full of Spam.
- And they don't want you tasting it in a zombie apocalypse.
Bring out a plate.
- Oh, but you know what? That said 2022.
- So this is not expired. - So this is still good.
- But the snack was discontinued the moment it was released.
- Yeah, because it was a marketing thing.
So I think we have to kinda-
- But it sold out, from their website and Walmart,
in seven hours.
- Sometimes it's all it takes.
- [Link] It's raining Spam juice.
Now, you're open to Spam.
- [Rhett] Well, you know what-
- [Link] It recommends putting this type of Spam on waffles.
- I'm actually not a Spam man,
had a lot of processed meat in my day,
and my family was pretty big on the Vienna sausage
and the Penrose sausage.
- It still just smells like Spam.
Do you smell any pumpkin spice? Dink it.
Sink it.
- Oh yeah, I can smell it.
- It's got a pleasant consistency.
- I feel like the pumpkin spice helps it.
- It does help it.
- I'm not gonna put it on waffles, I'm not crazy.
- It's a lot stronger in a non,
undetermined meat kind of a way.
This is the best Spam I've ever eaten.
- If you were advising Hormel,
from a marketing standpoint.
- Yeah, I am. On the side.
- I think there's a clear answer here.
You gotta bring this back every year for seven hours.
- You know what? More products should do that.
They should make a pumpkin spice latte thing.
- You know, limited time. 100%.
- [Both] Bring it back!
- All right,
we got a box of Farley's fruit snacks right here,
that were released in conjunction
with Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace,
back in 1999.
- Now remember the important part is the packaging.
- Gotta open that up, all right, so we paid $12
for these 22-year-old fruit snacks.
Being with Star Wars, I mean that's a big deal for Farley's.
- Just like the Farley's that we had at my house,
you remember those that my mom always had?
They come in the individual pack just like this.
- I really do. My favorite fruit snacks were Farley's.
They weren't hard, they were soft and mushy,
and they were like, glistening.
- So do you think, oh gosh,
these are not soft, and I don't know if they ever were.
Now, the challenge, Link, is,
I challenge you to get through this,
and me to get through this.
No Jar Jar Binks jokes.
Okay?
- Meesa up for the challenge.
- Oh, gosh.
- Now, all of these are purple,
which is one of my favorite flavors,
except for this green...
- The green held its color, because it's basically,
you can see through it.
This is every other color turned brown.
'Cause that was originally a red,
that was originally orange.
Just to confirm that, let's open up another one.
- [Link] Opening up.
- Opening up another one!
- So this is like the fake Queen Amidala's head.
Not the real Amidala, the fake Amidala.
- Yeah, that's what happened.
22 years old.
This is like taking a bite out of Trevor.
(crew laughs)
You think you taste better than these?
- Here's one.
- [Trevor] I don't care to comment.
- Here, I didn't mean to throw that hard, there you go.
Okay.
Now, let's taste this thing.
- What one you gon' eat?
- This is Qui-Gon.
- Oh, I got Qui-Gon as well.
- Yeah, he's gonna die. Spoiler alert.
And after he dies, let's just meditate.
Oh, goodness.
- Oh, gosh, that's hard.
- I mean this is not the Farley's I've come to expect.
- I'm getting some flavor.
- [Link] Can't even bite through it.
- It's more like Star Wars jerky,
which that could be a thing.
- [Trevor] I don't think I taste better than them,
but I think I have a better texture.
- Yeah. This is horrible.
- The taste is pretty good, though.
- What? The taste is horrible!
I'll try another one.
- [Rhett] Did you actually get a bite of it?
- I can't get through it.
- Yeah, see, you gotta release the flavor.
- I don't know how you're doing it.
- I got good teeth.
- I don't know how you're getting to the flavor.
I cannot do it.
- Here, pull on this.
Get a good grip on it.
- Oh my gosh.
Oh, I pulled out a white beard hair.
- Oh, thank you!
- That's gross, can you see that?
I pulled out a beard hair.
- [Rhett] Whoa, you got the full follicle.
- Did it hurt?
- Man, I don't feel pain when I'm eating gummy.
- So, let's not bring it back,
but let's bring back the Farley's in general.
- Bring back the Farley's.
- So Episode I...
- [Both] Nah, that's whack.
- You may have noticed my T-shirt,
pretty excited about this.
This is an official collab between us
and the Masters of the Universe.
- Yeah, we did it, Link!
- The Masters of the Mythical Universe merch.
So you can go to Mythical.com
and get this for a limited time,
it comes in black, comes in purple,
you got He-Rhett and Skelelink.
Mastering a high five, they're becoming friends, He-Rhett!
Hahaha!
- That's why we made you Skeletor. The voice.
- Very nice.
- So get one at Mythical.com.
All right, now, wooden candy bars,
not the only surprise element
from last time we did this.
And if you're not up to speed, it seems that we are
in the midst of a little bit of a spat
with bearded baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs.
Because, last time, after he caught wind
that his discontinued candy bar from 1990
has become our official gold standard for stink,
he sent us a video taking us to task,
and we showed that on that last episode.
- But listen, we wanna bury the hatchet if we can.
We are entirely open to the fact
that the Boggs smell...
- Which is real strong!
- It's really nasty, it maybe is not Wade's fault at all.
Maybe it's just a baseball thing.
I mean it's definitely not an expired thing.
So, we're like
"All right, if there's another baseball player
that's got his own candy bar, let's see if it stinks, too."
So let's bring Albert Belle to the party.
He is a baseball player.
- Yes.
- [Link] They come in a fancy box.
- Very, very fancy.
Oh, we got six!
- Look at this.
You got a bar, and I got a bar.
- Okay, there's a few things to note about Albert Belle
as you get that thing out and ready to go, Link.
- One dollar. Oh, it's got crisp rice in it.
- First of all, they did play against each other,
Wade Boggs and Albert Belle had some career crossover,
and in fact, during a Cleveland Indians
versus the Yankees game on September 4th 1993,
Yankees third baseman, Wade Boggs,
made a diving stop to rob Albert Belle of a hit
in the seventh inning of Jim Abbott's no-hitter.
- You don't say.
- So Wade Boggs ruined Albert Belle's day,
and also, there's a few things that we found out
about Albert Belle,
he was suspended-
- Lemme ruin your day.
- Woo, that's got some Boggs to it.
Suspended in 1994 for using a corked bat,
oh, in 1990 he threw a baseball into the stands
where it struck a fan who was taunting him.
And then, I think this may have been
after his baseball days,
there were some trick-or-treating vandals
who were getting kinda rowdy celebrating Halloween,
by throwing eggs at Albert's home,
and he chased 'em down
and ended up bumping one of 'em with his car.
I don't know all the details,
but I know you don't mess with Albert,
so you know what, that bar smells great!
That bar smells great, Albert! - That's a good-smelling bar.
Woowee!
Is there cork in this thing?
- Aw, yeah, I'm gonna open up another one!
We may have to bite into this thing 'cause it's so good.
- All right, so, you can see the crispiness.
It's not wood.
- I can't open it, my hands...
- Here, just take half of this.
- You know what? This is 1995, that's 1990.
- That's a five year difference.
- I mean first of all, I think what we've established
is that if you're a baseball player and you make a bar,
it's gonna stink.
- I mean, the Boggs bar is just peeking out.
- Woo, yeah, that's a little bit of Boggs
and a lotta bit of stink.
- I don't like that, but boy,
it still doesn't stink like a Boggs bar.
- [Stevie] Guys, I have to interrupt you,
I have to tell you that
the saga of Boggs continues because,
we actually got another video from him.
- Uh-oh. - What?
- Link. Rhett.
It's Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs.
You guys smell.
You big smelly guys.
Rhett, you smell.
Link, you smell.
It smells like Link.
(Rhett guffaws)
- Wow, he went all that trouble to send another video!
- He saw our show, and said "I'm gonna make a new video.
Totally fresh."
- With a real clear message.
- Yeah.
- You know, "You guys smell like Link."
- Is everything that Boggs does a little stale?
- Hey, come on.
- I liked the editing in that one,
that totally different video.
- I gotta say that I think there's...
The Boggs bar wins in the stink category,
but the- - What about taste?
- I'm not gonna taste it,
I'm not willing to do that.
I'll let you be the guinea pig.
- It tastes a lot better than it smells.
- There's no reason for this to come back,
I don't know if we need to bring any more attention
to Albert Belle at this point.
- No, I agree.
The Albert Berre Ball.
Bar.
- [Both] Nah, that's whack.
- Back in the 50s and 60s, there was a penny candy lipstick
that claimed to turn your lips red
just like actual lipstick,
and is this what we need in our lives now?
- Well, this one's over 50 years old, so probably not.
Because they didn't even come up with expiration dates,
it wasn't a common thing until the 70s,
so these have no expiration date.
So we're saying, minimum, 50 years.
- I mean, it doesn't really look like lipstick as much as,
it's a rolled up...
- It looks like a Tootsie Roll machine made it.
Can you bring those in?
- So, we might not need to bring it back, because,
Swizzels Love Hearts Lipstick exists now.
- And there's different flavors.
- See, this one, how does it work?
- Look, this is not lipstick,
this is a piece of sidewalk chalk, that you can eat.
- Okay. That's like a SweeTart.
And you put that on your lips, nothing happens.
Are my lips changing color?
Even if I wet it?
- It's not a functional product.
- Now, I'm having to open this backwards, because...
- This shouldn't be a thing.
Why was this ever a thing,
what was the marketing behind this 50 years ago?
"We gotta teach the girls
to eat their lipstick from an early age."
- Right.
I mean I've eaten enough lipstick to know,
that is a bad idea.
So, yeah, it's very counterintuitive.
- Maybe if you get a little bit of moisture on there.
We're gonna rehydrate it.
- Mm-hm, and then put it on your lips.
- I know if I get one "Ew" from Stevie,
I've accomplished something.
If nothing else.
- It does turn red,
but will it turn my lips red? - What does it taste?
Oh.
- It's horrible-tasting.
Stevie, can you tell, are my lips getting red?
- A little bit, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- [Stevie] Yeah. Rhett's got redder.
- A lip gloss.
- [Stevie] But he did that weird, gross licking thing
for a very long time.
- Oh, hold on, I'm getting something here.
- [Rhett] Yeah, yeah, it's a lip gloss.
I actually like the look on you.
- I think my lips are turning red because
it's so rough that I'm actually scraping my lip.
- Irritate your lips a little bit.
- So first of all, the Love Hearts Lipstick
that's currently in circulation should go away.
- Yeah, we need to discontinue this now.
- That is nothing but a disappointment.
So we're getting rid of that.
- [Rhett] So, candy lipstick?
- [Both] Nah, that's whack.
- So the only thing that we decided to bring back today
was Pumpkin Spice Spam,
that's the kind of day we're having.
- Yeah. I wouldn't have predicted it, but I don't regret it.
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- You know what time it is.
- Hi, I'm Forest.
- And I'm Vignette.
- We're out here in Palmer Park, Colorado Springs,
repping the boys, and it's time to spin
the Wheel of Mythicality. - Woo!
- Forest and Vignette, repping the boys.
- Yeah! That's what we like to see.
Click the top link to discover some of the weirdest
movie-inspired snacks ever in Good Mythical more.
- And to find out
where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
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