ELLIE KEMPER! >> THAT’S BLACK MAGIC BY LITTLE
MIX.
MIX. WE ARE HAPPY YOU ARE HERE.
IS THERE ANYBODY CUTER?
I DON’T THINK SO.
>> OR LIKEABLE.
I DON’T THINK THERE IS ANYBODY.
>> TWO OF THESE LADIES ARE VERY
LIKEABLE.
LIKEABLE. >> THERE IS NOTHING NOT LOVE
ABOUT YOU, SO STOP.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
>> YOU ARE TOTALLY SPOT ON.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW
ADORABLE, YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK
AND IT SHOWS THE REAL YOU.
MY SQUIRREL DAYS.
>> THAT YELLOW POPS.
>> IT’S A GOOD SUNSHINY YELLOW.
IT’S A COLLECTION OF PERSONAL
ESSAYS AND IT’S LIGHT AND FUNNY.
>> IT’S LIKE YOU.
WE GET EVERYBODY’S BOOKS ALL
THROUGH HERE.
THROUGH HERE. SOMETHING YOU DON’T RESPOND TO
THE SAME WAY.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.
IT’S JUST LIKE HER.
THIS IS NOT GHOST WRITTEN.
YOU ACTUALLY WROTE IT.
IT’S ABOUT NOTHING, BUT IT’S
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
ABOUT EVERYTHING. >> THAT’S SORT OF IT.
HOW DO I TALK ABOUT THESE
STORIES THAT WE HAVE BEEN
THROUGH THAT ARE RELATABLE KINDS
OF STORIES ABOUT FINDING A JOB.
THAT’S WHAT THE BIG MOMENTS ARE.
>> THE STUFF OF LIES.
>> THE NOTHINGLESSNESS OF STUFF
THAT HAPPENS.
THAT HAPPENS. >> YOU LITTLE GIRL.
>> I THINK ABOUT ALL THE
ACTRESSES THAT YOU WISH OR WANT
TO HAVE A SITCOM AND THEY ARE
LOOKING, GOING I WONDER HOW.
YOU ARE A NICE PERSON AND DON’T
SEEM TO HAVE SHARP ELBOWS AND
YOU DON’T GO OVER PEOPLE TO GET
WHERE YOU ARE.
>> NOT THAT WE KNOW OF.
>> WAIT FOR THE SECOND BOOK.
>> HOW, WITHOUT BEING
AGGRESSIVE, DID YOU MAKE IT TO
THE TOP OF THIS PROFESSION?
>> WE ALL KNOW THAT SO MUCH OF
IT COMES DOWN TO TIMING AND GOOD
LUCK.
LUCK. IF YOU WORK HARD AND PUT THE
PIECES IN PLACE, BEING AT THE
RIGHT TIME AND THE RIGHT PLACE.
YOU GUYS ARE EMBLEMS ARE WORKING
HARD AND BEING NICE, BUT ALSO
LUCK HAS A HUGE AMOUNT TO DO
WITH IT.
WITH IT. >> AND SLEEPING YOUR WAY TO THE
TOP.
TOP. >> AND YOUR HEAD SHOT.
>> YOU SAID IN YOUR BOOKS YOUR
CHEEKS ARE FULL OF NUTS.
>> LOOKS LIKE I’M STORING NUTS.
>> HOW OLD WERE YOU?
>> WHY IS THERE SO MUCH
CORDUROY?
CORDUROY? >> YOU ARE THE ANTI-STARLET.
>>> YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A LITTLE
VULNERABLE?
VULNERABLE? >> COME ON, LET’S EAT SOME NUTS.
>> DID YOUR PARENTS SAY TO YOU,
YOU SHOULD DO THIS?
THIS IS GREAT, THIS IS A HOBBY,
BUT LET’S GET TO A REAL JOB.
>> YOU WANT YOUR KID TO TAKE
CARE OF HIM OR HERSELF.
THEY WERE NOT SURE HOW LONG I
WOULD GO AFTER THIS, BUT I
STARTED BOOKING COMMERCIALS VERY
LUCKILY, RELATIVELY EARLY ON.
THEY THOUGHT MAYBE THERE IS
SOMETHING TO IT.
>> YOU CAN PAY A LOT OF BILLS
WITH COMMERCIALS.
WITH COMMERCIALS. YOU ARE WAITING FOR THAT, I
WOULD NEVER HAVE LASTED EARLY ON
IF I GOT COMMERCIALS.
GRATEFUL FOR THEM.
I GOT EVERY FOOD COMMERCIAL I
TRIED OUT FOR.
WHAT DID YOU GET?
THE GIRL NEXT DOOR?
>> EXACTLY RIGHT.
CAN I SAY A BRAND?
I GOT A WATER AQUA FINNA.
>> YOU HAVE PERFECT TEETH.
>> IT’S JUST WATER, BUT -- SHE
LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS A LOT OF
FLOURIDE.
FLOURIDE. >> YOU HAVE A LOT OF FLOURIDE IN
YOUR WATER, YOU HAVE NICE TEETH.
>> WHERE WERE YOU?
AT THE OSCARS?
>> AT THE EMMYS.
>> IT’S SO WEIRD.
IT’S SURREAL.
IT’S SURREAL. ONE OF THE LUCKIEST PLACES TO
BE.
BE. I GOT TO PRESENT AN AWARD.
LOOK AT HOW LONG THE BANGS ARE.
>> YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
>> I COULDN’T SEE.
CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER HIMSELF WAS
IN THE GREEN ROOM.
I HEARD HIM ASKING FOR THE CUP
OF WATER.
OF WATER. I LOVED HIM.
>> HE HATED THAT MOVIE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED? >> I WENT TO GET MY HERO A GLASS
OF WATER AND BECAUSE MY BANGS
WERE OBSTRUCTING MY VISION, I
TRIPPED.
TRIPPED. HE WAS O BLIBIOUS.
HE HAD BIGGER FISH TO FRY.
I FELL.
I FELL. THE CAUTIONARY TALE.
ALWAYS CUT YOUR BANGS.
>> YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU ARE
GOING TO RUN INTO SOMEBODY WHO
WILL BREAK YOUR HEART.
>> THIS IS THE TIME WHERE WE
PLAY THE TUESDAY THING.
OF THE TWO AWKWARD SITUATIONS,
WOULD YOU RATHER.
IF YOU HAD TO LIVE IN A HAUNTED
HOUSE WITH GHOSTS OR INFESTED
WITH BUGS, WHAT WOULD YOU
CHOOSE?
CHOOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY HAUNTED WITH
GHOSTS.
GHOSTS. >> YOU CAN MAKE FRIENDS WITH
THEM AND TALK SENSE INTO THEM?
>> THE PRESENCE IS GHOSTS IS SO
REASSURING.
REASSURING. IT’S NOT JUST US.
IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT ME.
WELL, IT IS, BUT IT’S ALSO ABOUT
GHOSTS.
GHOSTS. >> IF YOU HAD TO BE A FLY ON THE
WALL OF YOUR BOSS’S OFFICE OR A
FLY ON THE WALL AT YOUR
HUSBAND’S OFFICE.
HUSBAND’S OFFICE. >> THAT’S A HORRIBLE ONE.
>> WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
>> I GUESS BOSS’S OFFICE.
I SHOULD KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT
MY HUSBAND.
MY HUSBAND. >> YOU NEVER KNOW.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> I DON’T KNOW.
>> YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THAT
PERSON.
PERSON. >> THE BOSS YOU CAN KEEP IN THE
WORK BOX.
WORK BOX. IF SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT COMES
UP, IT’S WORK, YOU CAN GET
ANOTHER JOB.
ANOTHER JOB. >> YOU CAN ALSO GET ANOTHER
HUSBAND.
HUSBAND. >> VERY POSSIBLE.
>> IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE TO NEVER
BE ABLE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
AGAIN OR NEVER BE ABLE TO WEAR
DEODORANT AGAIN.
DEODORANT AGAIN. COULDN’T YOU JUST GARGLE?
>> YOU HAVE TO GET THE PLAQUE
OFF OF YOUR TEETH.
>> WE ALL HAVE GREAT TEETH.
I WOULD CHOOSE TO NOT WEAR
DEODORANT.
DEODORANT. THAT WOULD BE FINE.
>> WOULD IT?
>> THAT’S ONE OF THE THINGS YOU
CAN USE.
CAN USE. >> IF I DON’T HAVE IT, YOU’LL
KNOW.
KNOW. I NEED IT.
SOME DON’T.
SOME DON’T. >> MY MOM NEEDS IT.
>> THAT’S A HEALTHY THING.
IT IS.
IT IS. YOU WANT TO GET RID OF THE
TOXINS IN YOUR BODY.
>> GET Y’ALL LOOKING AT THE
BRIGHT SIDE.
BRIGHT SIDE. IF YOU CAN COULD WORK OUT EVERY
DAY FOR A MONTH OR GO A MONTH
WITHOUT WORKING OUT.
>> I WOULD WORK OUT EVERY DAY
FOR A MONTH.
OTHERWISE I WOULD GO CRAZY.
>> IT’S A STRESS RELIEVER.
>> IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE TO DO A
REBOOT OF THE OFFICE OR A SEQUEL
TO BRIDE’S MAIDS.
>> I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN CHOOSE.
YOU MUST.
YOU MUST. YOU SIMPLY MUST.
I GUESS I WILL DO A REBOOT OF
THE OFFICE.
THE OFFICE. >> WHY?
>> WHY? IT’S A STEADY GIG?
>> IT’S A STEADY GIG.
MAMA IS THINKING ABOUT IT.
>> HOW IS THAT CUTE BABY OF
YOURS?
YOURS? >> AREN’T THEY CRAZY?
HE’S GOING TO BE A FIREMAN FOR
HALLOWEEN.
HALLOWEEN. >> HALEY IS GOING TO BE A BUMBLE
BEE.
BEE. >> OF COURSE SHE IS.
>> EVERY TIME WE ASK ELLIE
SOMETHING, BUT SHE BUT YOU.
REMEMBER YOU.
REMEMBER YOU. WE ARE ON TO YOU.
WITH TWITTER, I MENTIONED THE
WORLD IS SUCH A DARK PLACE.
I WANT TO BE IN THE CONSTRUCTION
BUSINESS.
BUSINESS. NOT THAT BUSINESS.
WE CAN ALL BUILD SOMETHING
BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL. YOU JUST SHOW UP.
YOU ARE IN THE CONSTRUCTION
BUSINESS, MISSY.
BUSINESS, MISSY. YOU ARE NOT WEARING A HART HAT.
>> THAT’S MY MOTTO.
>> DID YOU HEAR THIS ONE?
I’M IN THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS
AND I’M NOT WEARING A HARD HAT.
>> MARTINA McBRIDE’S SONG, IF
YOU ARE IN A FUNK, PLAY THE SONG