In ancient times, the Greek city-state known as Sparta found great renown as a society of the
toughest soldiers in the world, with their entire lives laser-focused on developing an
unstoppable military machine. To be so focused, the Spartans had some pretty crazy traditions.
Ancient Sparta was an incredibly stratified society,
with strict class divisions drawn along social, gender, and ethnic
lines. At the top of the heap, below the two kings and various oligarchs, were full
citizens — ethnically Spartan men who had completed a rigorous initiation ritual.
These were followed by free non-citizens called perioikoi who were basically a merchant class,
and at the very bottom were the helots, a state-owned serf class,
with various subclasses for non-Spartans sprinkled in the hierarchy here and there.
Even though each helot would be assigned to work the land of a specific citizen, their master could
not sell or free them even if he wanted to. Helots had no political or voting rights, though they
were allowed to marry and had a limited right to own property after paying their master his share.
If you're wondering if this society renowned for its ruthlessness in battle was kind to
its ethnic slave class, the answer is, uh, no. According to the historian Plutarch,
the Spartans treated the helots harshly and cruelly, often force-feeding them wine and
making them dance in public to teach children the dangers of drunkenness.
As is usually true in an aristocratic oligarchy, full Spartan citizens were actually a minority
class. While the proportion of Spartans to helots varied over time, according to the
historian Herodotus, in the fifth century there were seven helots for every Spartan citizen at
the Battle of Plataea, a ratio which roughly mirrored that of Spartan society at large.
This imbalance in numbers meant that, naturally, the Spartans were terrified of the helots.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that keeping the helot population in check was
a major concern of the Spartan oligarchy and a central focus of much of their social legislation.
“I'm actually organizing another revolution. I don't know if you'd
be interested in something like that? Do you reckon you'd be interested?"
The Spartan aristocrats were right to be afraid of potential uprisings; there were a number of
attempted insurrections, including the plots of the general Pausanias,
who was turned in by the very helots he was promising to free,
and a failed uprising that tried to take advantage of the chaos brought on by a big earthquake
in 464 B.C. In recounting one such failed insurrection, Xenophon says the underclasses
of Sparta hated the upper class so much that they, quote, "would be glad to eat them raw."
"I could eat 'em all night long."
Because of this very real, deserved fear of their perpetual underclass,
the Spartans took severe measures to keep the helots subservient.
In addition to public acts of humiliation, Plutarch says each autumn when the despotic
ruling council known as the ephors took office, they formally declared war on the
helots so Spartan citizens could kill them with impunity. Every year this happened.
"War! We're going to war!"
Perhaps the most important tool the Spartans had for keeping the helot population in check was
a sort of secret police called the krypteia, made up of young men undergoing the rigorous training
necessary to become full citizens and hoping to prove their willingness to kill for the state,
thereby earning higher military positions upon the completion of their training.
So basically a combination of the SS, the Hitler Youth, and, like, JROTC.
"You nasty little worm."
After the ephors declared war on the helots each fall, the young members of the krypteia
would go out at night into the countryside with knives, looking for helots. Any helot they ran
into they were instructed to kill, with special attention being paid to the strongest helots,
in order to reduce the overall strength of the serf population. Additionally, they would prowl
through the helot villages, spying on the slave population and seeking out evidence
of unrest and possible rebellion. Any helot found to be fomenting revolt would be executed.
The members of the krypteia underwent even more brutal training measures than
the standard Spartan, and their methods were the opposite of the regular army.
They focused on stealth, working as small groups and individuals,
and stalking the fringes of Spartan society rather than protecting the city proper. Any member of the
krypteia who was discovered would be whipped, but those who made it through service in the krypteia
would be rewarded with choice leadership positions in both the military and society.
The elite ruling class of full Spartan citizens were known as Spartiates, or Homoioi,
meaning "those who are alike," as they each enjoyed equal status, similar to
the English term "peerage." The Spartiate elite, ethnically Doric men who had completed the brutal
agoge training regimen, enjoyed quite a lot of privilege within Spartan society,
not the least of which was total control of the government and exemption from all manual
or commercial labor. All such work in markets or fields was carried out by perioikoi or helots.
The flip side of that coin, however, was that all Spartiates were full-time soldiers for life.
Sparta was renowned for its dominant military force, and part of that came
from its soldiers devoting literally their entire lives to military service.
Service started at age 20, full citizenship was obtained at 30, and participation in the army
was expected until age 60, though Spartiates up to age 65 might be conscripted in an emergency.
The word agoge derives from the Greek word meaning "to lead" and can, depending on the context,
mean "guidance," "training," or "child rearing." This strict course of training was required for
every male Spartan citizen, with the exception of the first-born sons of the two ruling houses.
The point of this rigorous — and incredibly cruel — regimen was to create brave, hardy,
strong citizen soldiers who would defend their city no matter what.
And the Spartans didn't mess around: agoge started at birth.
Immediately after birth, Spartan boys were bathed in wine, as they believed
this would make the babies hardier. Then the child would be taken to the gerousia,
the council of Spartan elders, for inspection. The elders would look the baby over to see if
he could be deemed fit enough for the Spartan life. Any baby found unfit due to disability,
deformity, or even just perceived weakness would be set out at the base of Mount Taygetus for days
for a secondary test that only ended one of three ways: the baby survived and was welcomed
back into Spartan life, some kindly stranger found the baby and rescued it, or … well,
you know what the third option is. It's hard to imagine the first two outcomes were that common.
Some babies might have preferred dying of exposure, as Spartan mothers were renowned
for their "tough love" techniques, constantly bathing their infants in
wine and intentionally ignoring their cries in hopes of toughening them up.
Boys would leave their home at age 7 to begin their training in the agoge,
basically becoming wards of the state. At this point the boys were put into
their communal barracks where they would spend most of the rest of their lives.
Here they were under the supervision of a paidonomos, or "boy-herder," whose
job was to educate the boys in academics, sports, hunting, and — of course — warfare.
At age 12, boys would only be given a single piece of clothing a year:
a red cloak which they were required to wear at all times, regardless of season or weather.
The boys were also intentionally underfed so they would become accustomed to the hunger
and thirst that accompany the military rations on the battlefield. Additionally, the Spartans were,
as you could guess, pretty serious body shamers who were not interested in fat soldiers. To
further encourage bravery in the boys, however, they were actually encouraged to steal food to
supplement their meager rations, under the proviso that they would be severely beaten if caught.
Other harsh conditions exacted on Spartan tweens included sleeping on beds made of reeds pulled
from the river, and practicing sports while barefoot. Elders also encouraged fighting and
bullying the weaker boys, with the idea that humiliation would inspire them to toughen up.
Boys weren't the only ones subjected to inhumane conditions while growing up. While it is true that
girls were not meant to become warriors, they were still expected to give birth to warriors,
which meant a pretty rigorous lifestyle for them, too. While compared to other
Greek city-states Spartan women enjoyed a much freer existence, it's important to understand
that the liberties afforded to the women of Sparta were not for altruistic reasons,
but because they were seen as the means by which Spartan society would advance.
"Consider the fate of your women."
"Clearly you don't know our women."
It’s true that Spartan girls were given a public education, including poetry, music,
and warfare — unheard of elsewhere in Greece. They were also allowed to practice athletics outdoors,
unclothed, with boys. But these practices weren't followed for the sake of equality. Instead,
they were done in order to make strong women who would give birth to fit babies. Girls and
women were forbidden from wearing makeup or any other kind of beauty enhancement,
though they were renowned for their natural beauty. They were also barred from using their
education toward any kind of career. Instead, they earned money from their families' land holdings,
like the men. Traditionally feminine traits like grace were spurned in favor of physical
fitness and a strong sense of morality. Despite seeming more modern in many ways,
the goal of this training was turning Sparta's
girls into sleek and strong 24/7 baby-making machines, since, as the common saying went,
"Only Spartan women give birth to real men."
One aspect of life for Spartan women that would have been scandalous for any other Greek
city-state was their ability to converse with men in public. In fact, Spartan women were renowned
for being witty and sharp-tongued, able to drop politically savvy barbs at any moment. The idea
behind this was that smart women would have babies who were as strong of mind as they were of body.
But Spartan girls were specifically trained in the skill of savage burns,
and were encouraged to practice them in order to further the betterment of the boys
undergoing the agoge. They would publicly humiliate the boys during their training,
singling out the weaker ones who might be struggling among their peers. In fact,
this hazing was often ritualized at public festivals, in which the girls would stand
in chorus in front of the nobles of Sparta and sing songs about the abilities (or failings) of
the boys. During this performance, they would dedicate verses to absolutely laying into any
boy who was thought not to be up to snuff. Needless to say, the Spartans thought shame
was a powerful motivator and incorporated it into a lot of their social structures,
hoping that public embarrassment would chastise their citizens into stepping up their games.
Next time you feel embarrassed for making a mistake at work,
just be relieved that a choir of teenage girls aren't standing in front of your boss
laying down the most savage diss track about you they can muster.
In addition to strength and prowess in battle, wit was a highly prized virtue among the Spartans.
Take the word "Laconic," which literally means "from Laconia," the region where Sparta was.
We still use terms like "laconic wit" or "laconic phrase" in reference to delivering the fiercest
message possible in the fewest words one can use. If you read or saw 300, you've seen some
examples of laconic wit. And many of those quotes are from authentic historical sources,
such as the Persian assertion that their arrows would blot out the Sun being answered,
"Then we will fight in the shade."
Perhaps the most brutal example, however, was also the shortest. King Philip II of Macedon,
father of Alexander the Great, had launched a huge campaign to basically conquer all of
Greece. To encourage the Spartans to submit to his will, he sent ahead a message saying,
"If I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city."
To which the Spartans gave a single-word reply:
"If."
As hardcore as that is, it wasn't necessarily a natural talent; blunt and to-the-point
speechcraft was fiercely practiced and instilled to Spartans through training,
just like their physical fitness was. As children, they would be asked questions, and if they didn't
answer in a manner that was succinct or witty enough, their masters would bite their thumbs.
It wasn't enough for Spartan society to see their boys tortured through verbal hazing,
food deprivation, heartless living conditions, and having their fingers bitten.
Naturally they also liked to see their young men physically beaten in a religious setting.
This rite of flogging was at the heart of the diamastigosis, the primary attraction
at the Festival of Whips. That hardcore-sounding summit was an annual ceremony carried out at the
shrine of Orthia, a local Spartan hunting and fertility goddess later identified with Artemis.
According to Xenophon, the ritual began as basically a ceremonial game of capture the flag,
but with cheese. Literally! Cheeses would be placed along the altar, and one group of youths
would try to steal the cheese while another group defended the altar with whips. By the time of the
Greek geographer Pausanias, however, the game element seems to have been dispensed with, with
the only remaining competitive element being to see which boy could withstand the most whipping.
"Games, Jake. Silly, torturous games."
A priestess would stand by the altar holding a wooden statue of Orthia,
and if she perceived that any boy received too light a whipping due to bias or
favoritism — because he was too handsome or because his family was too powerful,
for example — she would claim that the statue was getting heavier, and demanded more blood.
This was another ritual carried out to toughen Spartan boys up,
but it also served as a form of spectator entertainment;
by Roman times theaters were built specifically to watch the flogging of boys.
And that's Sparta for you — maybe not the best ideas, but certainly some... interesting ones.
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