Our first guest is an amazing actress,
an empathetic activist, and a brilliant director.
She just directed her first film, Book Smart,
which is in theaters now.
Oh, she also happens to be the mother of my children.
Please welcome the stunning Olivia Wilde.
[CHEERS]
Where is she?
Where's who?
Where's Ellen?
Is she going to jump out from the thing?
Where the thing they jump out of?
Is it this thing?
It's not here, because no she won't.
She's not here.
No, I told you this.
Right, she's not.
And then all of a sudden, she's going to scare me,
and she's going to be like [SCREAMS]..
And it's going to be Ellen.
I'm so excited.
I just love her so much.
Yeah, no.
She's great, yeah.
But I'm serious.
She's not here.
It's just me.
I'm guest hosting.
Oh.
I thought maybe you were a guest, and she was--
OK.
Yeah.
It's just me.
It's just you.
Yeah, yeah.
It's us.
So we get to sit and talk?
Yeah.
That's special.
We don't do this enough, you know?
This is nice.
We never get this.
I'm just kidding.
I'm so proud of you.
Proud of me-- I'm proud of you.
Are you kidding me?
Give me a break.
[CHEERS]
Now, look, you've done this show a few times,
I've done this show a few times.
Yes.
Last time that we were here together,
you and our good pal Ellen, you guys cut my hair.
You cut my hair.
It's the best day of my life.
You loved that.
I loved it.
I feel you guys both loved it.
Who just sits there with two insane women with scissors?
Look at that.
Yeah.
That's Ellen.
Yeah, just right there.
That is how much you love her.
And I appreciate it because--
It's how much I trust both of you.
I was a little worried you were going to cut off my ear,
and I was going to look like Spock at some point.
Me too We were both worried.
My priority was that it look good, not that it be funny.
And I wanted it to be something that we could all live
with-- all of us, you and me.
From your perspective, being worried
about my bangs, when I was worried
about being able to see--
Priority.
Listen, bangs are very, very scary.
I don't recommend--
Absolutely.
Yeah.
But I don't think Oedipus was about him having bangs.
Right.
I know, right?
I'm just saying.
Check out Oedipus on Wikipedia.
So do remember what the kids said after they saw it?
Yeah.
Well, they had different reactions, slightly.
Different kids.
Yeah.
Our son Otis has really, really long hair.
Yes.
And he saw it and he was like, what?
Nerd.
He just kept being like, why?
Yeah.
He's like, oh, what a yuppie.
Look at this kid.
But he has hair like, I don't know, Claudia Schiffer.
It's different.
Yeah.
It's amazing, yeah.
But Daisy had barely ever seen you with short hair
or without a beard.
Exactly.
Little Dai--
Hey.
Otis said to me--
I remember he goes, dada, why'd you break your hair off?
Which I think is a pretty dope way to put it.
Because mommy really wanted you to.
Yeah.
And Ellen made it happen, because she
is like Santa Claus for hair.
She is.
She's like Santa Claus with hair and more homes.
Yes.
Now, speaking of our kids, I do want
to take this opportunity in front of a bunch people
to ask you, why do you keep traumatizing
our son at amusement parks?
No, no.
Yeah, yeah.
This is important.
This is something I wanted to bring up.
Liv and I took Otis when he was--
for his fourth birthday to Disney World--
Disneyland, excuse me.
Yeah, big difference.
Big difference, big difference-- thousands of miles.
Yeah.
He likes Splash Mountain, and we did it again.
And then we got cocky and we took him on Space Mountain.
And I think we have a photo of our time
on Space Mountain with our son.
Oh, no.
It's really traumatizing for me, because you're not supposed
to take a four-year-old on--
look at my face.
I've never been so scared in my life.
That's real mom fear.
And that's real little boy fear too.
I know.
Listen, there's a height chart--
He looks like he's in The Ring.
First of all, why did we go in the front?
That I'll never understand.
Second of all, why did they let him on?
There's a height chart, but there's no weight chart.
So he's really tall, but he's really skinny.
He's like a little string bean.
Right.
He could have flown right out of there.
Yeah.
I have never been so scared in my life.
The reason why they let him on that roller coaster
is because we wrote them a check for $500,000, which
you can get anything you want for that money.
No.
[APPLAUSE]
You can get anything you want.
I don't think so.
That's the real fast pass.
Oh, god.
Now, here's my question for you-- which one of our kids
do you think is going to be the most trouble when
they get older?
Daisy.
Daisy, I agree.
Definitely Daisy.
Easy. because if she's like me--
We call her Crazy Daisy, which is probably--
I do hair too.
I do hair.
Yeah.
She is, I think, like me, and I was a nightmare.
So she'll probably be a nightmare.
Do you think she'll get a tattoo at 13, like you?
If not younger.
They're so much more advanced these days.
What?
She might get like a baby tramp stamp.
Yeah, a little tiny baby tramp stamp.
Peeks out over the pull-up.
It's like flames, wings.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah, absolutely.
Who knows what it'll say.
Yeah, exactly.
I support it.
Yeah, you got to.
She should go.
She should find herself.
They're their own people.
That's fine.
She'll become a Instagram or whatever--
An influencer?
Influencer, yeah.
And then we can just chill.
We'll just chill out.
Yeah, just do that.
Just drink our boxed wine and--
That's right.
--make a lot of noise, and then--
I really look forward to it.
--tell the neighbors to leave us alone.
Yeah.
OK, look, we'll be right back with Olivia.
Stick around.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos,
like videos of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things--
like ball-peen hammer-- and also some videos
of Ellen and other celebrities, if you're
into that sort of thing.
Oh, [BLEEP].
God [BLEEP].