If there is one thing definitely known in this world
It's that raccoons are consummate professionals when it comes to being annoying
This one is going undercover as a cat
It's like: "Oi, let me in on the action, stop being hogs"
"Hey, nah nah nah! I'm one of you!"
"I'm one of you"
"What if you got here?"
"A whole bowl of expensive biscuits"
"A fancy hydration station"
"This is gold"
"I could get used to this domesticated lifestyle"
This human decided to share his food
Instead of being gracious, the raccoon takes the WHOLE FUCKING BAG OF MARSHMALLOWS
It must have been thinking: "You bloody idiot"
"It's a dog-eat-dog world"
"Why can I take one, when I can take thirty?"
Here comes another greedy bastard
"Thank you, see you later"
They just do not care if they look like fuckwits
"Hey guys, have you had dinner yet?"
"Or is it on the way?"
"Can I get an ETA?"
"You've eaten, haven't you? I can tell"
"Alrighty- ooooh"
"This is a nice rug"
"Is it Persian?"
"I love it!"
"It would go great in my dining room"
"Yeah nah, I'll just take this if you don't mind"
"Of course you don't"
"See ya later"
"Oh, and remember: give me more notice before dinner next time"
"Cheers!"
Meanwhile, back with this guy, he's like:
"Why don't you put the biscuit in the water?"
"Now we have a chicken biscuit and dank water steeew"
"Chuck that in your cake hole, it's delicious"
"Okay, fine fine fine!"
"You don't want it?"
Look at this gang, it's a bloody gang of raccoons
I didn't even know they could start gangs
Oh no, they've found the leftover pizza
That was gonna be someone's lunch for tomorrow, not anymore
The raccoon pizza gang is on the loose and they give zero fucks about eating too many carbs
"Oh, this is a sweet find"
"New balance, roughly three years old"
"These would go great with my Persian rug!"
"And my big fuck-off bag of marshmallows"
"I'll just pick up some fresh laces, they'll totally feel new again"
This raccoon is on some kind of heist
He's part of an elite team that's been planning to rob the bakery for months
This is probably his last job before he retires
And it's gonna be a big pay-day with that pastry!
Everyone should get a good cut!
He just has to make it to the getaway car
Overall, I'm keen to see how their species evolves
If they want to be greedy and steal all the time, we'll see
We'll see how far that gets them in life
[Outro Music]