Anyway, now Tabitha's somewhere, and she's
supposedly being interrogated by the FBI.
Which is strange because based on how the previous
scene ended you'd think that she would've
died or something.
I guess maybe the clown just laughed and went home?
"Haha that was really funny I'm bored. Bye."
I'm not even kidding the scene just transitions from the
killer laughing into the FBI jacket.
Anyway, now she's being interrogated
and when I say that I don't mean she's being questioned
because they are really fucking grilling her with this shit.
[clip] Ms. Wright, do you know anybody who would want to hurt you?
[clip] Miss Wright, this whole thing is gonna work out a
lot smoother if you just cooperate with us, okay?
[YMS] Yeah, great job. Wait half a second and leave. Okay.
Well, it seems as though whatever this guy did managed
to do the trick because now she
starts remembering something.
What kind of a face Is that? "Aww, teehee."
It's almost as if her experiencing this memory is
completely unrelated to him asking who
would want to hurt her.
Like she somehow got more bored
than the audience and was like:
"Haha I remember this funny day."
Anyway, it shows her and her friends as kids
and I guess they all made some dumb art things for school. So the little boy looks at each of theirs and
trash-talks them one by one.
[clip] Shelby, yours is worse than Tabitha's.
Now let us see yours.
Okay. One at a time and I have to hold it.
[YMS] Isn't the one-at-a-time part a little redundant?
How exactly could the three of them have looked through this single eyehole all at once?
Okay, you can look, but you have to do it one at a time, and I have to hold it
[The Lonely Island - Dick in a Box] ♪ It's my dick in a box! ♪
♪ My dick in a box, babe ♪
♪ It's my dick in a box ♪
It's funny right?
No. It isn't.
[♪ Beethoven - Moonlight Sonata ♪]
[YMS] Now the way this scene plays out I kind of thought this was actually happening.
Like, "Sure girls take a look, but I have to hold it right next to my crotch."
But it turns out that didn't happen and instead there's just a live rodent that he's torturing.
"Why I oughta!"
Anyway, they all leave, and the little boy just hangs back and admires his work.
Where's the light source?
And then the scene just ends and we're back in the interrogation room.
Yep, that's it.
This entire elaborate series of murders is all because they didn't like his art presentation;
which is strange because he seemed to be just fine.
It really doesn't look like he gives too much of a shit.
Did they tell on him? Did he have to fill out a form and tell his parents the bad thing he did?
Whatever did happen seems to have affected him
enough to the point where he remembered what each of their art projects were
and meticulously incorporated them into his murder plots.
So it's just a wild coincidence that Tabitha's aunt decorated their new home with a creepy clown room?
Like if they didn't have that really weird and specific design preference, then dressing up
as a clown wouldn't have worked;
and yet it seems as though you dressed up like a clown because of her art project.
So it just happened to work out? Great!
Anyway, now this creepy lady shows up.
Really?
[clip] Hello, Tabitha.
I'm an on-site trauma counselor for the state,
and I'd just like to ask you a few questions.
All right?
[YMS] If you're a trauma counselor then why are you acting so needlessly intimidating?
[clip] Hello Tabitha.
[YMS] Is she part of some experimental reverse-psychology department?
When I first watched this all I could think is that she sounds like an Australian
trying to pull of an American southern accent
[clip] I realize you're in a serious state of shock so...
We'll just go at you're own pace, okay?
[YMS] No idea if she was trying to put on any kind of accent at all,
but it turns out she's Kiwi and so close enough, I guess.
[clip from Death Proof] Zoe's from New Zealand and you never,
I repeat, *never* call a Kiwi an Aussie.
[YMS] Can you imagine what kind of direction she was getting for this scene?
Exactly whose idea was it to play this character as though she's trying to *scare* Tabitha?
Anyway. she asks Tabitha if she knows a Lisa Swan,
at which point Tabitha decides she'd rather look into the shiny ashtray?
Wow! (sarcasm) what a great scene transition.
Somebody give this man an Oscar.
*female giggling noises*
"Makeup's fun!" *girly voice*
*more female giggling noises*
[clip] Stop it.
Don't make me laugh when I'm applying.
You're drunk miss Swan.
Yeah, and you're celibate.
Take off the chastity belt go home with him.
No! It's roommate night.
[YMS] Yep. It turns out Lisa is trying to pressure her friend into going home with this ominous figure.
[clip] He just moved into town and he's staying at the Paris Pension.
That dump by the park?
Yeah, but it's temporary. Be nice.
At least let me drive you home.
[YMS] Do you like really hate your friend or something?
Is he secretly the most charming man they've ever seen in their entire lives?
Yeah, he lives in an abandoned building right now, but I
don't know. He's pretty cute. I think I can trust him.
[clip] At least let me drive you home.
You're right.
So I'll see you at home in 30 okay?
mm-hmm.
[YMS] They try to pass it off as though it was all because Lisa wanted some alone time with her boyfriend.
[clip] You know I want to, but it's roommate night.
You had to live with the consummate good girl.
[YMS] It seems like just a really forced and sloppy way to set up the plot for this chapter.
Also, this entire scene's noticeably dubbed
if you're wearing headphones you can hear the room
echo from wherever they recorded in post.
[clip] "Besides, he just moved into town and he's staying at
the Paris Pension."
"That dump by the park?"
"Yeah, but it's temporary."
[YMS] Anyway, Lisa goes home and her roommate is nowhere
to be found. Supposedly, this is after the 30 minutes
they said they'd meet here by and instead of calling her
to make sure she's all right. She immediately
calls her boyfriend.
[clip] "Hey, Baby. It's me."
"Guess she got lucky."
[YMS] Looks like she's getting laid so now I can get laid.
Yeah boy!
The next morning she wakes up and ruh roh, her friend
still isn't home.
Aww! look, they really are friends.
Could I get a show of hands how many college students
have framed photos like that of themselves and their
roommate in their house?
Who does that?
Especially with a friend you apparently don't even give
enough of a shit about to check in with after they don't
show up at night.
This being after you selfishly persuaded them to take a
ride home from a random stranger just in case it
led to you getting laid.
But no! The picture says they're best friends,
come on.
Hey look more pictures showing just how great friends
they are and apparently three of them were taken
sequentially in the same spot.
Man we both love that memory so much. We just
wanted to see three of them all the time.
[clip] "She never does this. She never goes home with a guy
unless she's dated him for a month at least."
[YMS] Well whose fault is that?
[clip]"We're talking about Kat, come on, you know her."
[YMS] Yeah, come on, I mean the fact that she doesn't rush
into relationships is literally the only discernible trait
from her character.
[clip] "I'm just going to run over there real quick."
"Over where?"
"The Paris Pension."
"C'mon, Lis."
[YMS] Did this movie forget phones exist?
Why don't you try *calling* that place first?
"Nope. I'm gonna go there alone. Goodbye."
*full house music*
*Smash Mouth music plays too*
[clip] "Hi, I was wondering if I could-"
"Sorry. All the beds are full."
"But-"
[YMS] "Hmm...
That's so weird. Yeah, what a weird guy."
So now she's with her boyfriend and apparently they've
just been sitting there for two hours
[clip] "Don't you find it strange that for a full hotel we haven't
seen one person come or go in over two hours?"
[YMS] Is it just me or does her boyfriend
look a lot like Oscar Isaac?
[clip] We're not even sure that Kat went anywhere near that place.
"Dan, she's my best friend. She doesn't do anything without telling me first."
[YMS] Oh, really? Perhaps you should have considered that last night.
She then asks her boyfriend to make something up to get inside.
Apparently he works for the health department and has a badge he can flash.
[clip] "Babe, look at that place. I mean,
can't you make something up to stick it in there and see?
[YMS] I like how it's already escalated to this even though there was no
communication between her and the business that
she's actually looking for her friend.
Should we ask if she's there?
No, let's just do something illegal.
So he gets inside and starts making shit up but not once
does he ask why he's wearing giant gloves
and a surgical mask.
Is that not something you should be inquiring about;
especially considering you actually do
work for the health department?
Why does everything look like it hasn't been dusted in 70 years?
So now he's waiting in the other room and instead of
doing anything that would help him find
his girlfriend's missing friend, he just looks at this thing.
[clip] It's a metal scope Victrola.
[YMS] Wow, cool.
[clip] Well it plays a song and at the end you get a surprise.
[clip] Okay.
[YMS] Hey, wow cool that song sounds almost exactly
like the Harry Potter theme.
[clip] Entertainers and performers,
you know, lovers of the laugh.
*Harry Potter theme plays*
*Juxtaposed with film music*
[clip] *Evil laugh*
[YMS] Well that worked out oddly
conveniently for you, didn't it?
You didn't even have to tell him where to look.
Well, yeah, when someone shows you a song and it gets
towards the end you stare into the phonograph horn.
That's how they know you're being polite.
So now apparently quite a lot of time has passed.
I mean it seems as though it's been 24 hours
since you've seen your friend.
Why don't you file a missing-persons
report with the police?
There you go.
That's what a human being would do.
Oh wait, scratch that.
She's actually trying to call her boyfriend. Never mind.
[clip] Dan. Why aren't you answering?
It's me again.
[YMS] So we have now established that you have a
working cell phone that is getting a signal.
You know it seems as though even the most
bottom-of-the-barrel horror movies offer some sort of
explanation as to why the characters
can't call the police, but this film doesn't even consider
that an audience member might be questioning that.
Fuck! Even if you pretended like she
didn't have a cell phone, that would've been believable.
Your boyfriend is missing without explanation,
your best friend has been missing for an entire day,
both of whom supposedly went into the same building
on separate occasions and never returned.
You don't think that maybe this might be an appropriate
time to involve law enforcement?
Or maybe, you know, at least try?
It's only three numbers.
It's not that hard.
"No, fuck this. I don't need no man."
*music plays*
Are you blind?
These bottles were at your eye level about three seconds ago.
Oh no! I guess apparently he was just chilling with his ear
pressed against the door, better hide.
*music plays*
So now she's running around in here as though
she has any fucking plan at all.
She comes across a room and finds this person.
*sarcastic ahh!*
Anyway, she's like, "hey, I need to find somebody."
but this guy's like,
[clip] Sorry. I- I need me... lips
"Please? Okay, um
*music plays*
"I need to find someone."
[clip] "Okay."
[YMS] Wait a minute. If you're talking to a deaf person
and they're just reading your lips
Why don't you whisper or better yet:
not make any noise at all?
I thought you were supposed to be
concerned about the man you snuck past earlier.
That same man, who managed to hear
that bottle shattering outside.
[clip] "A girl came here last night.
"Did you see a girl?
[YMS] You're literally just making noise
for no reason at all.
[clip] "Where is everyone?"
*wilhelm scream*
*Orchestral hit*
[YMS] Wilhelm followed by orchestral hit
jump-scare. Perfect.
*wilhelm scream*
*orchestral hit*
Now this is what I call a quality horror film.
I can't see why anyone would perceive
that as being unintentionally hilarious.
Anyway, she asked him if he knows about an angry man
and he's like, "he doesn't let us leave."
at which point she runs towards the window
and clumsily tries to open it
and he's like no, you have to hide he's coming real soon.
Not sure how the deaf guy would know that considering
only she heard the Wilhelm scream.
"No time to think about that. I gotta hide right now. "
"There's a crazy man that's been holding people hostage."
" Looks like I'm safe and well hidden for now.
Oh yeah. I have a phone, maybe I should call 91-?"
Nope! "Guys, you don't know how tough my boyfriend is.
Like, calling the cops wouldn't really do anything
compared to him."
You have a working phone, your life is in danger, and you
*refuse* to call law enforcement.
Why even pull it out in the script?
*What* purpose does it serve to remind people that she
has this phone if she's not going to be doing the one
thing that everybody who knows what a *phone* is
would be doing in this situation?
Did her pulling her cell phone out ever serve any real purpose in this story at all?
It seems as though showing it to the audience has only
ever made the film much, much worse.
[clip] "Ahh!"
[YMS] "Oh no! Oh sweet, I found my friend. Yay!"
I find it a little difficult to believe that
you wouldn't have felt something, but okay.
"Oh no! It seems like whoever's running this joint has
some sort of strange fetish where they need to sleep on
beds that are filled with people?"
You get it? Cuz when she first came to the door,
he was like, "sorry all our beds are full."
haha! Damn son, this movie is smart as shit! (literally)
So now she's asking the deaf guy to help her as though
he somehow wouldn't have been aware that there are
people inside the beds. Oh, no, if only I wasn't so
intellectually sheltered, then I might know how a ratchet
tie-down strap functions.
" There's clearly a mechanism to loosen this strap, but it's
only tightening it.
What am I gonna do?"
"Oh, no! is that blood on his shoe?
Oh, no! It's the killer man all along"
[clip] *maniacal laughing*
*scream*
[YMS] All right, so if it's a little bit confusing to figure out
what the fuck happened
that is completely understandable.
What the film is trying to communicate is that this is the
same killer guy as all those other times,
like even within this chapter.
So even though she ran past him to get inside and
immediately ran upstairs to find her friend,
he somehow got there before her,
and managed to pull off the most Impressive quick
change for both costume and makeup
that the world has ever seen.
Not only did he apply professional quality wound prosthetics,
But he even managed to shave.
Perhaps his liberal arts degree really did pay off.
Who was the Wilhelm, and why did they scream?
[clip] *wilhelm scream*
Also can we just take a fucking minute to explain just
how conveniently this worked out for him?
The only reason that this whole plan
worked is because you somehow knew that Lisa would
try to convince her friend to go home with you
combined with her not being suspicious that her friend
didn't communicate any of this to her despite that
apparently being the entire foundation
for their friendship. This also wouldn't have worked
if she had called the cops with her working
phone at any point. You somehow knew that her
boyfriend would show up and look directly into the
the phonograph horn.
And even if you ignore all of that you somehow knew
that she would sneak into this place by herself?
None of this would have worked if anybody just acted
like a normal fucking human being.
You based your entire plan around everyone involved
making the most unrealistic decisions possible.
Fuck! Why are you even here?
You should be playing roulette in Vegas, and this was all
because some girls made fun of his school project.
How do you make something so ridiculous?
Well, no time to think about any of that because our
third main character, Lisa, is in a bit of a pickle
but we're not gonna show how she gets caught, no.
We're just gonna cut to this shot. She's in a bed now, I guess.
So that's the end of that god-awful chapter but we still
have not yet witnessed the film's epic finale so stay
tuned for part three in a few weeks
And we'll finally be done with this incredibly amusing monstrosity.