Wankers!
Oi! Turn that down! I’m gonna come up there and fuckin kill you
if you dont turn that down.
I’ve told you before, you little shit.
Jesus Christ - I barely recognised ya.
Come on, hop in!
Your mum putting steroids in yer Weetabix?
What are you now, fifteen?
Sixteen. Sixteen!
I tell ya, I was like you at your age. Was a right tearaway.
Me an’ yer old man got up to all sorts’a nonsense back in the day.
Quite a shiner you got there.
Other bloke in a coma is he?
Look, you gotta ignore these twats, you know?
Keep yer head down. Try and get a handle on that temper of yours.
You’ll grow out of it.
Any other useless words of wisdom?
Look, your mum’s going through a bit of a tough time at the moment.
She needs you to be the man of the family.
Mum needed you 5 years ago. I mean, when was the last time we even saw you?
The funeral?
Look, I just thought this could be a good opportunity…
I’m here ‘cos a letter said I had to be.
What you wanna go back to that shithole for? Alex…
Sign it or don’t.
Fuck.
Malky, Bungle! This is my nephew Alex. He’s with us today on the paddle.
Alright mate. You alright Al?
Fucked off Malky? Course.
He’s fucked off.
Well, there’s still no new batts, the secondary compounds are past sell-by,
and comms are dicking around again, so take yer fuckin’ pick.
Take yer pick bruv.
Take it easy man, we’ll get it sorted, I promise ya.
When? I don’t think Crew 9 have to deal with this.
What is this place?
They make those things.
And these!
It’s my birthday! Would you like some cake?
Creepy!
I’ve gotta pop off, boss. To the Docs.
Get your ass back here soon as possible please.
Alright, sweet. Who’s, er…?
Alex, paddle. Paddle, this is Alex.
In the road?
Yeah.
Is that even safe?
It’s not up here you gotta watch out for bruv. Later lads!
Bye Bungle!
Let’s take a look at this bastard shall we?
Tell me this - why are we always cleaning up other people’s mess?
Our tax contribution hard at work.
Please don’t get riled up babe.
What a bloody joke!
Oh, finally woken up have we?
Why do you never seem to be doing anything?
We’re on a break!
Oh, I saw that girl again last night. Took her out, really treated her.
Carvery? Yeah, 30 quid all in. He loves his carvery.
Got any tunes on this thing?
Crew 9 to Purley. Situation active. Outbreak needs to be contained immediately.
You hungry Al? Yeah.
There’s a burger van round the corner. Three bacon sarnies and three teas. Be a good lad.
What’s he doing here? He knocked some kid out.
They were gonna stick him back in that place. I don’t want him here any more than you do.
Why then? He needed some kind of work placement.
Alright, I’m just saying, this is not a good idea.
He’s my brother’s kid Malky. He’ll be up top, it’ll be fine.
(alarm sounds)
Shit. That’s not good. Says there’s something still moving down there.
(roaring from below)
Going down there then?
Yeah, get your shit together.
Alright Al! Listen, we gotta go down below, sort something out.
Where’d you get those goggles? Argos.
I need an upgrade.
What’s down there?
Stay up here. Keep an eye out. Nobody comes down, including you. Got it?
Hello Control? You there? For fucks sake.
Control, got a bit of trouble down here, do you read me?
Control! We got an ID4 down here, full contact. We could really do with some back up.
Control! We could really do with some back up. Are you picking this up?
Control! Malky! Malky!
(Tense music)
Uncle Brian?
Fuck!
Control - do you read me? There’s an ID4 down here and it’s moving…Malky! Fuck!
Malky, where the fuck are you? Control?
Malky?
Alright Al?
We’re having a tea party? Have you come to play?
Drill! What?
The drill!
My friends are coming. They’ll be here soon!
Malky! Are you alright? What was it?
Take these! Why? Your Uncle! Brian! Help him!
Inter dimensional entity tracking system now online.
Proximity alert! Proximity alert!
Inanimate form. Standing by.
Proximity alert! Proximity alert!
Insufficient battery. System shutting down. Goodbye.
Al! Shhhh! There’s something in here.
But Malky…
Just stay here. Nice goggles.
Ahh! Fuck!
Pass me my drill will ya? What? The drill!
Oh, you’ve got your own one. Ready? 3…2…1…
I dont know what to do!
Just drill it in the fuckin head!
Fuck!
Are you my new best friend?
Jesus! Al!
Get it off me! I’ve got him!
Alex! Alex I’m sorry!
I’m sorry I’ve not been around, but I really need your help right now!
I don’t think I can hold this bastard much longer!
Al!
Fuck.
Fuck you!
Just do it!
(monster screams)
(beautiful love song)
Shit. Brian!
You alright?
Yeah. This ingenious little bastard was attempting to build itself a body. Look at that!
What is it?
It’s an inter-dimensional something or other. We call’em ‘fucktards’.
Cheers Al. You just saved my ass. Ha!
Just like your dad did on numerous occasions.
Dad did this?
Yeah.
Where’s it from?
Dunno. All I know is, they come through, and we block em up.
They come through?
Yeah.
It’s quite nice this one.
No fucking way.
Sort of peaceful.
But what’s through there?
Fuck knows mate - not our department.
Charming! Right let’s block this bastard up. Go upstairs and get the gear.
Stick the kettle on while you’re up there.
These are shit by the way.
Bet Crew 9 wouldn’t have to deal with this.
That’s pretty good.
Don’t worry. I won’t show anyone.
No one’d believe you anyway.
Unbelievable! You’re still not doing anything! What do you actually do?
You see the thing is…
We’re on a break.
(punchy fight music)
You’re a bit quite Malky. You alright?
Yeah, course.