[ HORNS ] >>> LORDS AND LADIES, WELCOME TO
MEDIEVAL TIMES IN THE KINGDOM OF NEW JERSEY.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THE GARLIC BREAD AND ENTIRE SMALL CHICKEN?
>> YEAH. WHOO!
THIS IS A GOOD BIRD. IT SMELLS A LITTLE LIKE HORSE
CRAP IN HERE, THOUGH. >> BEVERLY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU
KING AND MY FAIR PRINCESS. >> BRING FORTH THE KNIGHTS.
>> AND LET THE TOURNAMENT COMMENCE.
>> FIRST, FROM THE HILLS OF DONEWIT, IT'S THE BRAVE BLUE
KNIGHT. [ HORNS ]
>> I FIGHT FOR KING AND COUNTRY. >> AND FROM THE PLAINS OF
KIMPWELL, IT'S THE JUST, GREEN KNIGHT.
[ HORNS ] >> MY KING, I PLEDGE YOU
LOYALTY. >> FROM THE NORTH, THE NOBLE,
RED AND YELLOW KNIGHT. [ HORNS ]
>> MY LANDS WERE TAKEN, MY VILLAGE BURNED ON THE ORDERS OF
THIS FALSE KING, ALL BECAUSE WE WOULD NOT PAY HIS UNJUST TAX.
>> HEY CAMERON, I KNOW YOU'RE TAKING THAT ACTING CLASS, BUT
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. >> THE SOLDIERS MURDERED MY SON.
>> NO, THEY DIDN'T. >> AND RAVAGED MY WIFE.
>> IT'S SAID THAT THEY DIDN'T. NOW, DOTH YOU HAVE A GREETING
FOR MY FAIR PRINCESS? >> WHORE!
[ SPITS ] >> DO NOT SAY WHORE, LORDS AND
LADIES. THE RED AND YELLOW KNIGHT.
>> OH, THAT'S OUR GUY. I SEE YOU SIR.
WHOO! >> MY FAMILY LAY MURDERED AND
YOU CHEER? >> I'M SORRY.
>> YOU GLUTTONS FEAST ON FATTED BIRD WHILE THOSE WHO REMAIN IN
MY VILLAGE HAVE NOTHING TO EAT BUT THIS?
>> HEY -- >> NO, DO NOT DO THE HORSE
DROPPINGS, PEOPLE ARE EATING. >> AND THAT'S A WRAP ON MY
APPETITE. WENCH, YEAH I'M DONE WITH MY
CHICKEN, BUT I WILL HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE.
WHAT THIS HERE CALLED? THIS STUFF GOT ME LEANING.
>> NOW, GODSPEED TO OUR KNIGHTS. >> MY SON'S NAME WAS BRENON.
>> NO IT, WAS NOT. GO AWAY.
NOW, AS THE KNIGHTS PREPARE FOR THE TOURNAMENT, PLEASE WELCOME
THE CASTLE VALKANAR. [ HORNS ]
>> THE VALKIN IS PAYING FOR IT'S INTELLIGENCE.
>> NOW, PREPARE TO BE AWED AS IT FLIES IN A CIRCLE.
FLY PEDRO. [ HAWK CALL ]
>> OH, LOOK AT HIM GO, SON. >> THE FALCON CAN FLY.
PEDRO HOP. THAT'S SPEEDS UP.
PEDRO HOP. THAT'S BE -- HOP!
>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT BIRD IS A SPY FOR THE KING.
>> CAMERON, THIS IS A COMMUNITY COLLEGE ACTING CLASS WE'RE
TAKING. NOW, COME ON.
>> SERIOUS, CHILL. >> YEAH, I TIRE OF THIS BIRD.
LET THE KNIGHTS CROSS WEAPONS. [ HORNS ]
>> I WISH TO SEE THE GREEN KNIGHT BATTLE THE YELLOW AND RED
KNIGHT. >> AND SO YOU SHALL.
NOW I ASK THE SQUIRES, WITH WHICH WEAPON WILL YOUR KNIGHT DO
BATTLE? >> THE GREEN KNIGHT CHOOSES A
MACE. [ HORNS ]
>> THE RED AND YELLOW KNIGHT HAS THIS, WHICH HE BROUGHT FROM
HOME. >> THE MONGOLIAN SPEAKS THE
TRUTH. >> NO!
>> YES, APOLOGIES TO SQUIRE GREGORY, THAT WAS UNACCEPTABLE.
>> NOW, LET THE FIGHT BEGIN. >> OH, HERE WE GO.
IF YOUR MAMA ASKS, I ONLY HAD ONE OF THESE.
ALL RIGHT? LET'S GO, RED AND YELLOW.
>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIT ME WITH THAT THING, RIGHT?
>> FEAR KNOT, I HAVE NO QUARREL WITH THE BLACKAMORE.
>> UH-UH, MAN. STRIKE TWO.
LET'S GO. >> STRIKE TWO INDEED AND I AM
NOW HEARING MY EAR PIECE AT OUR NOBLE BRANCH MANAGER.
BIG PETE WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU IN YOUR OFFICE IMMEDIATELY.
>> BIG PETE CAN WAIT, BUT FIRST I MUST FLAY THIS BLOATED BASTARD
KING. >> BIG PETE, HE IS SCREAMING IN
PLEASE GO. >> HE CHARGES YOU $110 FOR
CHICKEN AND POTATO AND DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE DIGNITY OF A FORK?
>> YEAH, I DO WANT A FORK. NO GROWN MAN SHOULD HAVE TO EAT
A BAKED POTATO WITH HIS HANDS. >> AND WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ASK
YOU, WHO KILLED THIS PUTRID KING.
>> KILL? NO, NO, NO.
>> KILL HIM WAS I, CAMERON BISTEL.
JUSTICE. >> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
>> IT'S A HELL OF A BIRTHDAY, SIR.
HERE, HAVE A LITTLE SIP OF THAT.