- Hey guys, I'll be your server.
I'm only smiling because I want you to tip me
as much as possible.
("After Midnight" by Warner/Chappell Production Music)
- Oh, what do I recommend?
The restaurant next door.
It's delicious.
- Hi there, I'm super hungover.
Can I get you some waters?
- I'm laughing at your dumb joke purely out of obligation.
- Aww, you brought your baby to the restaurant.
That's gonna make my life a nightmare.
- Here's your food.
I hope you don't notice,
I snagged a few fries off your plate.
- I'm telling you I'm gonna go ask the chef,
but I'm really gonna go in the kitchen, count to 10,
come back and say, no.
- Hi guys, this plate is hot.
I'm just trying to tough it out.
- Yes. I caught you staring at my boobs.
No, they're not on the menu.
- Not only do I have change for a five,
but I could also make it rain.
- Your appetizer's taking a long time
because I completely forgot about you.
- If you ask for the check, I'll get it.
If you do this air signature, I'll take my sweet time.
- Are you finished with that?
Because I would love to take the rest of it in the back
and eat it off your plate.
- I'm telling you the max I can split is three credit cards,
but really, I'm just feeling lazy today.
- Be nice to me, and I'll be nice to your food.
("After Midnight" by Warner/Chappell Production Music)